All The Little Pieces
by devinerose
Summary: A continuation of More Than Just A Summer Romance.
1. Prologue

_I am nothing now and it's been so long since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope, _

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you, _

_My heart is yours._

_My Heart-Paramore_


	2. Aftermath Part I & II

Aftermath Part I:

_One Year Later_

The ticking of my alarm clock echoed throughout the near empty room. I stood by the edge of my bed, looking around at my room. All the pictures had been taken off the walls, the drawers in the dresser were empty, and the only thing left in the closet was a few sets of clothes that were too small for me, and a trash bag filled to the brim with items I no longer looked at. My fingers instinctively went to the necklace around my neck, toying with the hard stones in order to keep from thinking about the items in the bag. It was a habit I picked up, like snapping a rubber band on your wrist when your angry and you don't want to lash out at someone. I played with my necklace as a distraction, to keep the memories from last summer safely trapped in the vault I had created in the back of my mind. This was my life, forcing myself to not think about the one thing that was constantly plaguing my mind, it was not at all easy, especially at first.

The ringing of the phone broke me from my thoughts of last September, and I resumed packing items into my carry on bag. I reached for the charger for my laptop, and made to place it in my bag, but it slipped from my fingers and landed on the floor with a loud crash. I sighed and reached down to grab it, as I did my necklace slipped out from under my shirt and the charm I had placed on it a while ago swung to and fro in front of my face. The emerald ring sparkled up at me as I stared at it. The ring had sat on my finger right where _he_ had left it until Jacob and I started seeing each other. Jacob had always hated seeing it on my finger, he thought it was no good for me to have a constant reminder of the pain I had put myself through, so as a courtesy to him, I took it off, he didn't know I still kept it close to my heart.

When I had first come back to Forks, I was unrecognizable, I refused to speak to anyone, to eat, to move, really to do anything at all. Bags quickly formed under my eyes from restless nights full of relentless nightmares, mainly involving what would have happened had I told Lauren off. Edward and I playing with our children in the back yard of our house, or a birthday party for Alice and Jasper's kids where we all got together, or the worst of which, Edward and I just lying awake in bed talking like we always had. Which was nice, until I woke up in the morning to an empty bed and a dreary, somber day. Those dreams quickly became a deathtrap.

The worst of the pain had been a week before my 18th birthday and three weeks after Charlie and I arrived home last summer. I was late, really late. I had gotten excited at the prospect of having a piece of Edward growing inside me. While my excitement was unrealistic due to my inability to raise a child at that point in my life, I didn't care, I was just happy to have a tangible proof of Edward with me. I ended up having an almost complete turn around, I began talking again, eating more regularly, the numbness had gone away for the most part, my heart still ached violently, but I was able to ignore it. Until a week later, the morning I turned 18, I woke up to find I had gotten my period. After that I stopped, just stopped, I wouldn't eat, sleep, I went back to not talking, except for Rosalie and Emmett who had made a habit of calling to check in every other week. It was at this point Charlie considered sending me to live with Renee. When I told Emmett about this, he called Charlie and managed to persuade him to let me stay. I was a mess, I would only get out of bed to go to school and cook dinner for Charlie.

My depression lasted a couple of months, when Jacob started coming by after school to check up on the truck Charlie had gotten me. When he first got it, it wouldn't even start, so he called and asked Jake for the help. Three times a week, Jacob would pull up in his car, grab his tools from the trunk and start working. Sometimes I would look down at him from my window and watch to see what he was doing. He caught me looking a couple of times, when he did he'd wave and smile before returning to his work. I would wave back once his back was to me then return to doing my homework, which never suffered despite my state. After a couple of weeks of Jacob coming by, I'd go out and bring him a snack and something to drink. At first this was our only interaction, I'd hand him his food, he'd say thanks, and I'd return inside. Until one day, as I turned to leave he stopped me, asking if I had the homework assignment for Mrs. English's Calculus class. I nodded and went inside to get it for him, I told him and he asked if I had finished it. When I told him I was working on it inside, he asked me if I would join him, we wouldn't have to talk but he could use the company. So I grabbed the rest of my books and sat outside with him doing my work while he tinkered away. We did this from that day on, whenever he'd come over, I'd sit on the steps doing homework while he worked on my car. Sometimes he would talk to me, but he never coerced me to speak or interact with him, sometimes we would just sit in a comfortable silence.

Jacob had ever pushed me to get "better" the way Charlie did, he understood that the pain I was in wasn't going to go away over night. Jacob was just there for me in the way I needed most, as a safety net, he protected me from harm, and was always there to catch me when I fell. So when he asked me out, it felt natural to say yes. But as our relationship progressed I became aware of the reality of the situation, I was using him, he was in love with me but I knew I could never love him back the way he needed me to. However, at that point I didn't even care. I was so scared that if I let him go, I would return to the old me, the destroyed, empty me, but most of all I was scared that the pain would come back. Even while I was with Jacob there were moments where I would be reminded of last summer and my heart would feel like it was tearing all over again, only this time someone was pouring salt into the wounds. I knew I was being selfish, but when I tried to express this to him, he shook his head saying he didn't care. Even still I knew it wasn't fair for me to cling to him the way I was. But to be honest, Jacob made me somewhat whole again, and I liked that.

"Bella, phone!" Charlie called from downstairs, interrupting my thoughts.

"Coming." I called back before stepping out the door and heading downstairs to where Charlie was parked on the couch watching his game. He looked up at me once I was next to him.

"You almost ready?" He asked excitedly as he handed me the phone. I did my best to smile back and nod as I took the phone from him. I put the phone to my ear as I went back upstairs.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone.

"Hi college girl!" Rosalie said.

"Hey Rose." I greeted as I reentered my room, shutting the door behind me.

"Hi-ya Bells!" I heard Emmett yell in the background.

"Hi Em." Rosalie reiterated my words to Emmett.

"How are you?" She asked as she always did every time we talked.

"Fine, I'm actually done packing my last bag." I said, zipping up my carry on.

"That's great! Are you excited for Brown?" She asked, and I heard Emmett laugh in the background.

"Um, yeah." I responded, but it sounded more like a question due to my confusion about Emmett's reaction.

"Oh just ignore him, I do." She said nonchalantly.

"Hey!" I heard an indignant Emmett shout, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Emmett quick, do it again, she laughed." Rosalie said, I smiled.

"Yeah I do do that." I told her.

"That's bull, I can barely remember the last time you laughed like that." She said.

"Give me the phone." I heard Emmett demand in the background,

"Hold on Bella." Rosalie said, then I heard shuffling.

"Bella?"

"Hey Emmett?"

"How you holding up?" I heard him ask, the smile slipped from my face and I sat down on the edge of my bed,

"I'm holding." I said with a sigh.

"Well, if it make you feel any better, I'm very excited to see you." He said, I could tell he was trying to raise my spirits.

"It does make me feel better, thanks Em." I told him sincerely.

"It'll get better Bella, trust me." He assured me.

"I want to believe you Emmett, I really do." I said with a hopeless sigh.

"I know. Hold on, Rosie wants to talk again. Bye Bells."

"Bye Em." There was more shuffling and then Rosalie came back on the line.

"Do you need anything from us?" She asked sympathetically.

"Yeah, a new heart if it's on the market." I said with a shaky laugh.

"Bella." Rosalie said softly, I could picture her sad expression in my head.

"It's okay Rose, I'll be fine. Um, how is he?" I asked daringly, knowing I had no business asking that question since I wasn't sure my heart could handle hearing about him.

"He's good, he and Alice are spending some time at home before they head off to school." She replied.

"That's great." I told her, but it felt like hell.

"This year went really well for him, he did an amazing job with the internship." She informed me tentatively. So, it had been worth it, everything was worth it in the end, the pain, the suffering, it was all worth it.

"Wow, um, good-good for him." I said trying to sound cheerful.

"Yeah it is. Bella, are you going to be okay today, seeing as it's," Her voice trailed off but I knew what she meant.

"I think I'll manage. I haven't really been _okay_ in a long time, Rose." I told her honestly.

"I wish there was something I could do." She said regretfully.

"It's okay, you've done more than enough already." I told her sincerely, had it not been for her and Emmett, I'm not sure how long I would have lasted, they kept me from going it to state of catatonia.

"If you say so." She said, I could hear the disbelief pouring out of her voice.

"I do," I told her, then Charlie began to yell from downstairs about how we had to go if I wanted to say goodbye.

"Rose, I've got to go, but I'll call once I'm settled in."

"Alright, and you know Emmett's meeting you at the airport?" She checked with me.

"Yep." I told her, "I'll call before we take off."

"Alright, I'm sorry I can't be there."

"It's fine Rose, knowing you, I'm sure I'll see you soon now that I'll be on that side of the country." She laughed at this,

"Guess you're right, have a safe trip."

"Will do, thanks."

"Bye Bella."

"Bye Rose."

"Bye Bella!"

"Bye Em." I said finally then hung up the phone, I pulled my last bag off my bed and did one last sweep of the room. The closet door was open just a crack, and I could see the corner of the black trash bag sticking out. I walked over to it apprehensively, I knew what I was doing could be detrimental to my current state, but for some reason I couldn't stop the urge to take one last peek before I left. The closet door slid open effortlessly and the black bag loomed up at me. I cautiously kneeled in front of it and reached for the opening with shaking fingers. It felt as if I had no control of my body at all as my fingers grazed the lip of the bag. Just as I was about to pull it open, Charlie yelled at me to hurry up. I snapped out of my trance and scolded myself for going anywhere near the bag. I picked up my carry on and made my way downstairs, but not before shutting the door on my childhood room.

When I got downstairs Charlie was waiting for me at the door,

"Okay, I'm ready." I told him, he looked down at me and smiled,

"I'm going to miss you, you know that?" Charlie asked pulling me into a hug I would never have expected.

"Me too, Dad." I said hugging him back. He pulled away to look at me.

"Oh Bells," He sighed, "Will you ever really get out of this slump?" He asked seriously. The smile I had slipped from my lips,

"Dad, I really am fine."

"Okay, Bella." He said sadly as he took my last bag, before heading out the door.

"Dad!" I called after him, he paused on the porch steps and turned to look at me.

"I know I haven't been myself this year, but I'm working on it, I'm trying as hard as I can, I just a little more time." He smiled at my honesty,

"I understand. Now come on we've got people waiting for us." He said and began walking to the car. I turned around and took one last good look at the house before shutting the door.

The ride up to the Rez was quiet, it gave me time to think about what I was going to say to Jacob. I had known for a while that just like last summer, when I left, I was leaving. At least this time my hand wasn't being forced, Jacob needed a life of his own, especially since he was starting school like I was in the fall. It wasn't fair for him for me to use him the way I was, especially if we were going to be on opposite sides of the country. The similarities made my heart prickle.

When we pulled up to the house Billy was sitting in his wheel chair on his porch waiting for us.

"There's our Ivy girl!" Billy said once we were out of the car.

"Hey Billy." I said walking up and hugging him.

"Hey Bella, Jakes out in the garage waiting on you." He informed me, I thanked him and headed for the garage. I heard Jacob before I saw him, he was humming to some song on the radio. His back was to me when I entered, so I snuck up behind him and covered his eyes. He laughed,

"Hmm, Embry?" He asked playfully.

"Nope."

"Ah, it's Quil."

"Uh-un." I felt him smile, his hands grazed my wrists, and before I could stop him, he yanked me in front of him. With his hands on my hips he sat me down on the hood of his car, he came to stand between my legs and placed his hands on either side of my waist.

"Hi." He said softly as he placed a light kiss on my lips.

"Hi to you too." I replied kissing him back. His lips parted under mine as I looped my arms around his neck. He pushed me back onto the hood as he continued to kiss me. Eventually we pulled apart for air.

"Jake." I whispered, he leaned back a little to smile at me.

"So you're leaving today." He said looking at me.

"That's the plan." I told him, "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that." I said unable to look at him.

"Alright." He said apprehensively. He pushed himself off of me, then held out a hand to help me up. I took it and he pulled me into a seated position before taking a seat on the hood next to me.

"Shoot."

"I know we've talked about this, but I've been doing some more thinking about the situation, what are your feelings on the long distance relationship idea?" I asked.

"Bella, we've already talked about this." He said getting up to grab a rag to wipe his hands,

"You'll go to your school, I'll go to mine and we'll keep in touch, plus I can come up and visit." His familiar words stung at my heart.

"Jake, I've just been thinking about us and this relationship and-"

"Bella, for the last time, you're not using me! Honestly, I want to be with you and from the sounds of it, for the moment you need to be with me. So it works out for both of us, okay?" He asked placing his hands on my face.

"But-" I was cut off by his lips crashing into mine.

"Bella, listen to me," He said when we parted, "If you think that leaving is what's best, then fine, but would you just hear me out first?" He asked, I nodded.

"Why don't we just try, okay? Can you do that? For me? I've given my all into this relationship and I am begging you not to throw it away. Please?" His sincere words were quickly eating at my resolve.

"All I'm asking it that you try, Bella." He said, at this I broke.

"Okay." I said softly.

"Thank you." He said pulling me into a hug, we sat like that for a little bit before he lifted me into his arms and carried me to the back seat of his car. He climbed in and pulled me into his lap,

"Now, where were we?" He asked mischievously before pulling my lips onto his.

* * *

"Bella, time to go!" I heard Charlie call, Jacob and I quickly scrambled to find our shirts. Mine had been thrown onto the floor in the front seat while Jacob's was on the floor just out side of the car. We both jumped out of the car fully clothed just as Charlie and Billy entered the garage.

"Oh no, they've come to take you away from me." Jacob said,

"You can't have her." He teased and pulled me quickly into his arms. I let out a squeal in surprise before laughing. Charlie beamed at the sight of the two of us,

"Jake, let her go, she'll miss her plane." Billy instructed with a laugh. Jacob let out a groan and released me. I looked up at him as he cupped my face in his hands and pulled me in for one final kiss.

"Fine," He said when we finished, "But I don't like it." He said childishly.

"I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to." Charlie said logically. Jacob sighed and let me go,

"But I get to walk you to the car."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." I agreed. He smiled down at me and the four of us made our way down to the car. Charlie got in first and Billy went to his window to talk, giving Jacob and I a moment to talk before I left.

"You sure about this?" I asked.

"I love you Bella, I'd do anything for you, plus it doesn't matter how far apart we get," He leaned forward to whisper in my ear, "I will always carry your heart in my heart."

My heart stopped, my eyes drifted shut, and for one moment I was back in _his_ room, the scent of roses filling my nose, and it was _his_ voice in my ears. I fought to breath, my mind was sucking me back into the vault of memories I had tried to lock up and I wanted so bad to let it, but I knew I couldn't and it felt like I was suffocating in my own head.

"Bella, Bella!" I heard Jacob calling me nervously as he shookme back to reality. I fell forward into his arms, gasping for air.

"What is it? Bella, talk to me." He commanded, his hands clutching my face, pushing my hair back to try to gain my attention. I could feel Charlie and Billy's stares on my back.

"Bella, breath!" Jacob commanded. I took a deep breath and cool air rushed through my lungs. Once I was able to form a coherent thought, I spoke,

"Please, don't-don't say that again." I said shakily, reaching up and clutching my necklace. Jacob looked down at me confused.

"Please, just n-not like that." He nodded and I could tell he understood why. He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"I'm sorry." He said genuinely, I shook my head.

"It's okay, I'm fine, I just better go before I miss my plane." I said numbly.

"Right," He said opening my door for me. I climbed in and rolled down the window so we could say goodbye.

"I'll miss you." He whispered to me.

"Me too." I said when he pulled away.

"I love you." He said brushing away the tears that had slipped out.

"I love you too." I replied.

"Bella, don't you forget about us little while you're at your snooty Ivy league." Billy joked from Charlie's window. I let out a shaky laugh and nodded.

"Time to get this show on the road." Charlie said starting the car, I waved goodbye as we pulled away. Once Billy and Jacob were out of sight, I curled up into my seat pulling out the necklace around my neck. The diamonds on it glittered in the sunlight streaming through the windshield. I toyed with the necklace until I came across the ring. I held out the tiny thing in the palm of my hand. It was as perfect as the day it was given to me.

_I want you to have it because I love you_

His voice rang out in my ears for a moment, I let my eyes drift shut and allowed myself one moment with him before I let the ring slip through my fingers.

The ride to the airport was relatively silent, but in a good way. Once we got there Charlie helped me with my ticket and getting everything organized.

"Emmett's going to meet you on the other side, and you'll call as soon as you're settled in." Charlie instructed as we stood just outside of the security section.

"Of course, I love you Dad." I said hugging him.

"I love you too Kiddo." After that he walked me to the security line and we parted for the final time. He waved to me from the door and I waved back. He then turned and walked out of the airport. As he did a feeling of loneliness overwhelmed me as I realized I was once again alone.

Aftermath Part II

When I got of the plane I followed the signs to the baggage claim where Emmett and I agreed to meet. I looked around for him, but I couldn't see him anywhere. I pulled out my phone to call him, but before I could a booming voice shouted my name.

"Bella!" I turned around to see Emmett waving a piece of cardboard that read,

Bella Swan- My baby sister

"Emmett!" I said running up to him. He pulled me into his arms for his usual bear hug, spinning me around and making it harder to breathe. After a couple gasps from me, he set me down.

"How are you?" He asked as he took my carry on off my shoulder.

"Tired." I said stretching.

"I can only imagine. Well, lets get out of here. Do you have everything?" He asked, I nodded.

"It's so good to see you again." He said excitedly as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and lead me out the automatic doors.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked as we walked to his Jeep.

"Picking you up." He said obviously, I shook my head as he opened my door for me.

"No, I mean why were you here?" I clarified as I climbed into my seat.

"Um, I am uh visiting someone." He said before shutting my door.

"Does Rosalie know about this?" I asked as he got in the car.

"Ha ha very funny Bella, yes Rose knows. Hey, are you hungry?" He asked starting the car and pulling out. I opened my mouth to tell him no, that he didn't have to worry about it, when my stomach grumbled, answering for me. Emmett laughed,

"You were _so_ going to lie to me weren't you?" I tried to bite back a smile,

"Maybe, I just don't want to trouble you any more than I already have." I told him honestly.

"Trouble me? Yeah right Bella, now what are you in the mood for?" He asked as we left the parking lot.

"Don't really care." I said with a shrug, he checked his watch,

"How about a burger and fries?" He asked.

"Sounds great." The car ride from the airport wasn't too long, we pulled into the parking lot of a diner about 10 minutes later. We went in and grabbed to stools at the counter. The waitress held up her finger, signaling she'd be right with us.

"Hey, how's what's his name, your boyfriend, you two still going strong?" Emmett asked as he looked up at the menu that was posted on the wall.

"We're fine." I told him as I stared at the fake marble counter.

"You do know what 'fine' stands for don't you?" He asked looking at me.

"You have got to stop watching these movies." I told him, he laughed.

"Sorry about the wait. My name's Brenda, what can I get you?" Our waitress asked when she came over.

"May I have a double cheeseburger, french fries, and a chocolate shake please?" Emmett asked politely with a smile.

"You're sweet," She said to Emmett as she scribbled down his order.

"And for you?" She asked turning to me.

"I'd like a hamburger, french fries and a coke please."

"Coming right up." She said reaching under the counter to grab two glasses and fill them with ice water before walking away.

"You planning on answering my question?" Emmett asked taking a sip of his water.

"I already did, we're fine Emmett, really." I said reaching for a straw.

"Whatever you say."

"How about you and Rose how are you two doing?" I asked unwrapping my straw and putting it in my cup.

"We're great actually, she and Alice have begun working on wedding plans." He told me.

"Already? I thought you guys were getting married after school." At least that's what I had always thought.

"You know Alice, she started work the week after I proposed, apparently weddings of the caliber she's hoping for take a while to plan." He said with a mock shudder.

"Of course, um, how is Alice?" I asked playing with my straw wrapper.

"You mean does she hate you?" He asked seeing through my question. I looked up at him and nodded. He sighed,

"At first, yeah, she did, I don't think I've ever seen Alice that angry, but after a while she became indifferent. She feels bad for you now." He finished sadly.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Well, uh, she was kinda bad mouthing you one day and I snapped at her saying that it wasn't your fault." He said impishly, "And when she didn't understand I had to tell her everything."

"You _told_ her!" I near shouted, he bit his lip.

"Oh Emmett." I groaned dropping my head on the table,

"I'm sorry." He apologized.

"No, it's okay, does, um, does Edward know?" I asked, saying his name aloud for the first time in a while.

"No, I told her she couldn't tell him, plus it would just hurt him to know." He said honestly.

"I never wanted to hurt him, you know that right?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I know Bella, but the thing is you did, and you hurt yourself, and for what?" He asked.

"Don't Emmett." I said severely, trying to keep my voice from cracking. I turned away from him. He was silent for a moment,

"Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it came out, what I meant was I know you never meant to hurt him. I'm just mad that you guys are in this situation, you should be together."

"Emmett stop, please, I can't hear things like that. Could we just drop it, please?" I asked as Brenda placed our food in front of us. Neither of us touched it, or said anything.

"So, how bout them Yankees?" Emmett finally spoke breaking through the tension, I tried to keep myself from smiling, but I couldn't help but laugh at his lame but effective attempt to clear the air.

"I really am sorry Bella." He said sincerely as he passed me the ketchup.

"Thanks Em." We finished up dinner laughing at Emmett's jokes about the most random things, the jokes most four year olds find funny and discussing some details about his wedding. When we finished Emmett paid the check despite my protests, and we headed back out to the car. He drove me to my new home, it was a three story apartment, it was old, but very nice, I loved it the moment I had seen it a couple weeks ago. It was white with a red trim, there were two cherry blossom trees in front and a nice little space out in the back. When I had first visited, there had been a kiddy pool in the back and a couple of beach chairs set up next to it. I was actually excited to move in, especially after I met my roommate Sarah.

She was the only person I knew in the world that could give Rosalie a run for her money. She had thick black curls and creamy milk chocolate skin with a pair of gorgeous green eyes, she was a few inches taller than I was, and quite possibly the nicest person in the world. When we first met she pulled me into a hug and informed me that if I ever needed anything I could go to her, it didn't matter what, wether it was getting a job or getting a boy. I passed on the boy, but took her up on her offer for helping me find a job. She was starting her sophomore year as I was starting my freshman. Normally I would have to room with someone in my grade, but due to my last minute acceptance, this was one of the few available places for me.

I made my way over to the front door pulling the keys Sarah had made for me out of my bag. I let us in and we walked up a flight of steps to the second floor, I tried the door, it was open. We went inside, but it was pitch black, I reached for a light switch as I called out for Sarah.

"Surprise!" A light switched on and I saw balloons all over the floor and Sarah standing in the middle of the living room with a party crown on and a toy horn.

"Welcome home!" She squealed running over to hug me, her curls bouncing as she did.

When she pulled away she noticed Emmett standing next to me.

"Hi, I'm Sarah." She said flirtatiously.

"I'm engaged." Emmett said with a smile and shaking her hand. I was mortified, the last thing I needed was my "older brother'' and my roommate to not get along. But surprisingly enough Sarah burst out laughing.

"Alright, I can take a hint." She said with a smile.

"Sarah, Emmett, Emmett, Sarah." I said properly introducing them.

"Nice to meet you." Emmett said.

"Likewise." She said.

"Not to be rude, but as this girl here is practically my little sister, I have to ask, how did you know I wasn't her boyfriend?" Emmett asked interrogatively.

"Because you're not a 6'5" Native American." She answered with a laugh.

"Good point. Alright, Bella, I approve." He said folding him arms.

"Thanks Em, now that I have your approval." I said teasing him.

"Do you guys want something to drink?"

"I'm good, we just came from dinner," Emmett answered checking his watch, "Actually it's time I got going." He said setting my bag down.

"Wait you're driving to school _now?_ Emmett, it's too late." I said worriedly.

"Relax little Bells, I'm staying at my friends house, I told him I'd be back by 10 so I have to go." He said.

"Alright, bye." I said sadly, pulling him into a hug. He hugged me back then set me down.

"Thanks again." I told him as we walked to the door.

"No biggie, it was just nice to see you again." He informed me as he opened the door.

"Okay, tell Rose I said hi!"

"You can do that, she wants you to call her." He told me.

"Okay, thanks!"

"No problem, good night." He said sweetly

"Night Em."

"Night Sarah." He called into the apartment.

"Night." She called back, then he left. I shut the door and kicked off my shoes before making my way back into the living room. Sarah was no longer there, but I heard a rustling in the kitchen. Our kitchen was very nice, the appliances were slightly used, but worked just fine, and the yellow tile brightened everything up.

"Hey." I said when I entered.

"Oh hey, Roomie, you excited for this?" She asked from the freezer.

"Very, thanks again for that warm welcome, I'm sorry about Emmett though." I said as I hopped up on one of the counters.

"Don't be, he's hilarious. Hey wanna grab us some spoons?" She asked as she pulled out a container of Ben and Jerry's ice cream from the freezer.

"Sure, where are they?" I asked, she pointed to a drawer next to me. I jumped down and opened it, pulling out two spoons.

"Come on, let's celebrate your homecoming." She said holding up the ice cream. I shook my head laughing and let her lead the way back out to the living room. I enjoyed the fact we could get along so easily.

We plopped down on the couch and she opened up the ice cream, Vermonty Python.

"What's in it?" I asked as I handed her a spoon.

"Heaven." She said simply. I laughed.

"No really."

"Um, Oreo cookie swirls in coffee ice cream with chocolate cows." She said tilting it towards me so I could try it. It was delicious.

"Okay, maybe you were right about the heaven part." I admitted, she laughed.

"So you ready for your first classes?" She asked, I shook my head.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it, it's not as scary as everyone always thinks it is." She assured me.

"Oh and by the way I told you I worked at a restaurant a couple blocks from here right?" She asked, I nodded as my mouth was full of ice cream.

"I have news for you, I know you were talking about finding a job, and I have a question for you?"

"What is it?" I asked nervously.

"How's your waitressing?" She asked, squinting, unsure of my reaction.

"Um, not so good seeing as I've never done it." I told her.

"That's fine, you and I can practice here before the interview I got you tomorrow!" She said excitedly.

"Tomorrow?!" I asked in surprise, nearly choking on a chocolate cow.

"Yeah it's perfect, one of the girls I worked with just up and quite yesterday and my boss was griping about how he'd never find a replacement, so I talked to him about you and how you'd need a job when you got here so he told me to bring you in tomorrow. It'll be great trust me. My boss seems mean, but once you get to know him he's a total softy."

"But Sarah, I'd have no idea what I was doing."

"That's why I'm here silly, I'm going to help you, now come on lets get started." She said jumping up from the couch and dragging me with her. We spent the rest of the night teaching me how to introduce myself, the current specials on the menu, how to take orders, and everything else I would need to know. When I couldn't take anymore Sarah showed me to my bedroom, everything was still in their boxes with the exception of my sheets. The box marked bed supplies was opened and my bed was completely made.

"Sorry I didn't have any chocolate for the pillow." Sarah joked from over my shoulder. I laughed,

"Don't worry, I don't think I could have eaten it anyway after all that ice cream."

"True, true."

"Thank you so much," I said turning to her, "For everything."

"No probs! Get some rest okay?" She said, " And you remember where my room is right, and the bathroom?" She asked double checking with me. I nodded and she pulled me into another hug.

"We're going to have fun this year." She said before heading off to her room.

"Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Sarah." I called back. I took my toiletry kit into the bathroom and got ready for bed. Once I was done I reentered my room and slid under the covers mentally bracing myself as I did every night for nightmares that always came.

The next morning I met Sarah in the kitchen, she was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, when I entered she looked up at me,

"Hey, I heard you in your sleep last night, are you okay?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just talk in my sleep, it's a long story." I said with a shrug.

"Okay." I could tell she knew something was wrong, but she sensed that it was something I wasn't ready to talk about, "There's coffee in the pot, so drink up you'll need it for your interview today." She said excitedly.

"Sarah, I really don't know about this, what if I screw up?" I asked nervously.

"I won't let you, duh." She said getting up, "Now pour your coffee, we have to get you dressed for success." I laughed and did as she said. We managed to find some clothes in my mess of boxes that would be perfect for my interview. Once I was dressed we walked down to the restaurant. It was on a street named Thayer,

"If you ever get lost just ask anyone for directions to Thayer, believe me everyone knows where it is." She informed me as we walked. We arrived at the restaurant, the word Paragon was stitched onto the front awning, but it looked to be closed. When I looked at her puzzled she explained,

"It closes after lunch for a few hours to get ready for the dinner crowd." She said as she lead me to the back where there was an open door. We headed inside through the kitchen, Sarah said hi to a few guys who were there and we continued on until we reached a door that read office. Sarah knocked,

"Walker, it's me." She called,

"Come on in Darling." A voice called from the other side.

"Darling?" I mouthed confused.

"I'll explain later, and remember he loves it when people call him Sir or Mr. Roberts." I nodded and we went in.

"Well, hello there." Mr. Roberts said once he saw Sarah. He was a tall man with salt and pepper hair. The wrinkles under his eyes gave his age away, as did the slight beer belly he had. He wore a pair of black rimmed reading glasses on his nose,

"Walker, this is Bella, the girl I was telling you about." Sarah said, I held out my hand and he shook it. Mr. Roberts looked me up and down and I could tell he was deciding if I even qualified for the interview. He was a very grave man, one you felt you couldn't disappoint, or worse, anger.

"Have a seat Bella." He instructed, as he did Sarah exited the room.

"So Bella have you ever waitressed before?" He asked sitting behind his desk.

"No Sir, I haven't." He looked at me over his glasses.

"At yet you want a job at my restaurant?" He asked sardonically.

"Yes Sir." I answered ignoring my slight my fear.

"I don't know, I need someone who knows the menu and the specials like the back of their hands." He said.

"I do Sir, the specials for the evening are," I then began to list all four specials in explicit detail as well as what could and couldn't be altered on the menu. When I finished I found Mr. Roberts staring at me open mouthed.

"Okay, well, um, this is only because I have no choice." But I could tell, he was impressed,

"Here's how its going to work, you've got the job, however for now it's temporary, I'm hiring you because I need you, you're going to have to make me want you before someone else with more experience comes along. Got it?" He asked seriously, I nodded.

"Thank you Sir." I said graciously.

"You start tomorrow, don't disappoint me." He said pointing his finger at me.

"Of course Sir."

"Good, now send Sarah in for a moment please." He said, I nodded and left. Sarah was standing next to the door obviously listening in. She gave me a brief congratulatory hug before heading in herself. I waited outside for a couple of minutes before she came out again.

"Now that you're officially working here, want to meet a couple of the guys?" She asked as she lead me into the kitchen once more, there were a couple of guys and a woman cleaning up.

"Guys, I'd like you to meet our newest co-worker, everyone this is Bella." She said.

"Hi Bella." Echoed throughout the room.

"Hi." I said back.

"This is Lila, our head chef." She said pointing to the only woman. She was my height, but ten years older and her hair was pulled into two long braids, the freckles spattered across her nose stood out against her pale skin, she was very pretty.

"Hi." She said politely.

"Tim, our sous chef." Tim was very tall, he reminded me somewhat of Jasper, only Tim had shaggy red hair, he waved to me, I waved back.

"And Danny, or dishes boy." He was the boy sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on a sink filled with dirty dishes. He had spiky brown hair and tanned skin.

"I prefer dish sanitizer." He said to me.

"Yeah right, you haven't sanitized a dish since you started." Tim said gesturing to the full sink and knocking Danny in the shoulder. Danny laughed along with everyone else in the kitchen.

"You'll meet the rest of the gang tonight, but for now we have to go." Sarah said to me.

"Okay, it was nice meeting you all."

"Likewise." Tim said.

"Same." Lila replied.

"What they said." Danny said with a laugh, Lila smacked him on the back of the head lightly.

"Be nice." Tim said backing her up as we left. When we got outside, Sarah gave me a walking tour of the area, showing me different shops, and where to get the best of everything.

"So what's with the Darling?" I asked as we walked.

"Walker's like my dad, I've been working for him since I was 10." She said.

"10?" I asked confused as to what a ten year old could do in a restaurant.

"Yeah, my mom used to waitress there and she would bring me in. Apparently he really loved children, not in the 'sketchy pedophile way', but in a 'read to the children at the hospital during his time off' way. He and his wife couldn't get pregnant, so they both liked the idea of having a kid around the restaurant. Anyway when I was ten he let me organize boxes of food, and put out the table displays before opening. As I got older I got more responsibilities until I became a full blown waitress." She finished,

"It must have been nice working with your mom." I commented, something flashed in her eyes and her smile fell.

"Sarah, you okay?" I asked,

"Um, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that. This is so exciting, we're going to be working together." She said excitedly. The way she avoided the question about her mother, I could tell it was a touchy subject, so I didn't say anything more on it.

My first night at Paragon was amazing, I fell in love with what I was doing, I got my orders in and out on time, and I didn't mess up the menu once. At one point during the night I noticed Mr. Roberts watching me, waiting to see what would happen, thankfully every thing went well. Although by the end of each night I was exhausted, but I made it through the week without any incidents and on my last day of the week while I sat at the bar waiting for Sarah to clean up her last table, Mr. Roberts came by and sat next to me.

"You did ok, Kid. Keep it up." Was all he said before he got up and left agin, but I could tell, that was a very big honor.

A week went by and I began my classes. Everyone had very high expectations, but I had a feeling so long as I met those, I'd be good. I really began to like Sarah the more I got to know her. She and I worked really well together, between coming up with house rules and working the same shifts down at Paragon, we just fit. We had grown closer after she found me in my room sobbing uncontrollably over a trash bag filled with clothes. Charlie had sent the bag from the closet, thinking it was stuff I had meant to pack. When I first found it I felt like I was going to be sick, yet for some reason I still opened it. As I went through it tears began to trail down my cheeks, I was almost nearing my catatonic state when Sarah found me. She shoved everything back in the bag and put it under the bed then she hugged me until I stopped crying. Afterwards she told me it might be time for me to tell her that long story. So, I told her what had happened last summer, including what happened with Lauren. Sarah was the only person I had ever told, she understood that and proceeded to tell me about how her mom abused her for most of her life. Sort of a very deep tic for tat secret sharing moment, and things were going really well for the first time in a very long time.

Until one night a week later when I was released from a lecture I had been attending a half an hour late. I called in and explained to Mr. Roberts what had happened, surprisingly enough he said it was no problem, he even laughed at me a bit for being so worried I was going to get fired.

"It's a slow evening, but hurry up." He said, I agreed and hung up. I ran home and got changed before running out the door and down the 8 blocks to Paragon. When I arrived Sarah threw my apron at me.

"I got water for a couple in your section," I looked up to see the couple sitting at one of my tables, I didn't get a good look at them as I was trying to tie my apron around my waist,

"Thanks. I owe you."

"NP." She said with a wave of her hand, I continued to tie my apron as I made my way over to their table, I was actually surprised I made it all the way there without looking.

"Hi my name is-" I began as I pulled out my pad,

"Bella?" A velvety voice filled with shock asked. I looked up slowly to find myself staring into a very familiar pair of green eyes.

**I'm BAAAAACKKK!! Sorry for the wait, summer work just kicks the crap out of me, thanks for sticking around!!!**

**Okay everyone,**

**Now go back and actually read the bit with Jacob you Edward lovers! BTWs I'm team cullen all the way, but that doesn't mean you can skip, even I went back and reread new moon. **

**So:**

**on the lack of angst, don't worry it's coming but mind you we are picking up once she has Jake so she's on the road to recovery, for now.... so don't be too harsh with the reviews!**

**2. I know it should be Dartmouth but I know Brown and the surrounding area much better!!**

**REVIEW people, please, I am begging you!!!**


	3. Hello Again

**Hi every one, so here is our second chapter!! hope you likey!!!**

**xoxo, DEviNEroSE**

**I OWN NOTHING!!!!**

I couldn't move, I just stood there staring at him. All of my memories and my dreams didn't hold a candle to the real thing, which was now seated in front of me. He was really there, within an arm's length was the one man who plagued my nightmares. Now, he had managed to find a way back into my life, even if only for a little while.

"Bella?" Edward asked again, in the same shock I was.

"H-hi." I stuttered once I found my voice again,

"What are you doing here?" He asked curiously.

"I, um, I, uh, go to school here." I said shakily.

"Brown?" He asked, I nodded.

"Me too." He said softly, and then neither of us said anything. We just stared at each other, trying to figure out what was going on in the other's head, until someone cleared their throat. Edward and I both looked away from each other and I discovered the source of the noise. It had come from the woman sitting across from Edward. She had long strawberry blond hair and a look of pure annoyance on her face.

"Edward, who's your friend?" She asked, her voice slightly miffed.

"Tanya this is Bella. We, um, yeah, this is Bella." He paused, unsure of how to introduce me. I'm sure, "ex-love of my life who dumped me once she was through with me as I was proposing", wouldn't have worked. So avoiding the topic altogether seemed to be the perfect idea, and by her lack of reaction to my name, I had a feeling she knew nothing of my past with Edward.

"Bella, this is Tanya, my girlfriend." He said proudly. Of course she was his girlfriend, she was gorgeous, worthy of his attention. It made me feel sick to my stomach, but I shook her hand anyway when she held it out to me.

"Pleasure to meet you." She said politely.

"Likewise." I lied.

"So, could I start you guys off with some drinks?" I asked, Edward's face fell a bit at my apparent coolness, but I ignored it.

"Sure, I'll have a virgin strawberry daiquiri with a hint of lime." Tanya ordered, I almost felt a bit like laughing at her. I turned to Edward.

"I'll just have a coke please." He said simply. I nodded and walked away to the bar. I got there at the same time Sarah did. I placed my order with Samantha the bartender, as did Sarah.

"Hey." She said as she took a seat on an empty barstool.

"Hi." I said grabbing a glass for Edward's coke.

"You okay, you look a bit shaken up." She said concernedly.

"I'm fine." I said as I grabbed the fountain pump to fill the glass.

"Bella, ice!" Sarah reminded me and I realized I was about to fill his glass before putting any ice in it.

"Right, thanks." I said and I scooped some ice into the glass.

"Hey you sure you're okay?" She asked, placing a worried hand on my shoulder as she noticed my shaking hands.

"Me, yeah, I told you I'm fine. It's just," I stopped, looking up at her as I finished filling the drink.

"Just what?" She pressed.

"Edward." I answered, unable to say much else to fully convey the situation.

"_The _Edward?" She asked, I nodded, she immediately jumped up to look over my shoulder at him.

"_That's him_?" She asked astounded.

"Yes." I said pushing her back down so she wouldn't draw his attention.

"Who's the skank?" She asked with a frown.

"Tanya, his," I choked on the word for a moment before spitting it out.

"Girlfriend."

"Well, she looks like a two bit hussy tramp that needs to back the hell away from your man." She said defensively as she peaked over my shoulder once more.

"He's not my man." I said assuredly, "And no matter what, he'll never be mine because he'll never trust me again. I told him to move on and he has, plus, I've got Jacob." I said, mainly trying to satisfy myself.

"Anyone else smell bullshit?" Sam asked handing me Tanya's drink. Sarah raised her hand.

"I have to get these drinks to them, I'll see you guys later." I said ignoring both of them.

"Hey Bella." Sarah called after me.

"If you need to switch, just let me know." She offered kindly, I smiled.

"Thanks, but I'll have to face him eventually." She nodded and I returned to their table, placing their drinks in front of them. They thanked me and I told them about our specials before leaving them to decide. I left them and noticed Rachel, our hostess, had sat a pair of men at one of my tables, a brunet and a blond. I grabbed a pitcher of water and made my way over to their table.

"Hey baby, where you been all my life?" The guy with blond hair asked, I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Hiding from you." I responded boldly. It was something Sam, Rachel and Sarah taught me after I started, how to deflect the most common pick up lines.

"Oh, she's feisty, I like that." The other one said, then he winked at me. I poured them each a glass of water.

"That's great to know." I responded, not emotionally stable enough to actually deal with them.

"Would you like something to drink?"I asked as politely as possible.

"I'll have liquor." The brunette said definitively.

"You have to tell her what kind doofus." The other scolded.

"Oh, right, gin then, gin and tonic please."

"I'll have the same."

"Okay, I'll need to see your ids." I told them, they both fished them out and handed them to me. I took a look, 1985 for the both of them.

"Ever consider dating an _older_ man?" The blond asked. At that I just walked away. I informed Sam of their order. She whipped up their drinks and I brought them to the table. Surprisingly enough they thanked me and let me leave. I went over to Edward's table to take their order. As I approached I noticed something I hadn't seen before. He was holding her hand, gently stroking it with his thumb as he had once done mine. My heart sunk at the sight of them, and I fought to breath as my heart ached.

"Um, hi again, are you ready to order?" I asked, my voice somewhat steady.

"Yes, I'll have the chicken Caesar salad please." Tanya ordered first, handing me her menu when she finished.

"And I'll have the lamb chop, please." Edward said. I scribbled down his order before taking his menu. As I did, my thumb grazed his hand, and just like the very first time we met, I felt a shock as our skin touched. I could feel my heart stop in my chest as I looked up at him. Our eyes met,

"Thanks." I said weakly before I turned and walked away. I brought the menus back to Rachel, she thanked me and I headed back to the drunkard's table. When I got there, the brunette had his head on the table and the other was blowing bubbles in his drink.

"What can I get you to eat?" I asked with my pad in hand.

"You." The blond one answered trying to be seductive before bursting out into laughter. To this I leaned in, his laughter abruptly stopped as he thought I might actually concede. The brunette lifted his head, eager to see what would happen.

"In your dreams." I whispered, his face fell and it was his friends turn to start laughing.

"Shut down!" He laughed. I smiled a little bit to myself.

"Now, what would you guys like to eat?" I asked again.

"We decided, we're going to share some french fries to finish and after that, a hamburgaler, for me, and a hamburgaler for him." The brunette answered, pointing to himself, then to his buddy. I interpreted their order and left them to their own devices. I made my way to the kitchen to place their order as well as Edward and Tanya's. In order to get there I had to pass by Edward's table as I did, I saw them. They were leaning across the small table, their mouths pressed tightly together. I hadn't realized I had stopped moving until they pulled apart, they hadn't noticed me, so I continued on to make sure they didn't know I had seen. I stumbled numbly to the kitchen window where I handed Scott their orders wordlessly.

"You okay, Bella?" He asked, I nodded and walked away. I couldn't comprehend why I was surprised, he had moved on, what I had wanted when I left. _I_ was supposed to have moved on, yet the sight of them together ripped into me more than anything ever had before. I staggered into the back hallway, the one no one ever used. I leaned back against the wall trying to keep my knees from giving out. It didn't work and I felt myself sliding to the floor. I clutched my knees to my chest, a trick I found made my heart hurt a little bit less. I reached into my shirt and pulled out the ring Edward had given me so long ago. It meant nothing now, and the knowledge of that made everything hurt so much. I dropped the necklace and pulled my knees tighter to me as the tears began to fall down my cheeks. I dropped my head onto my knees, curling up into an insignificant ball in hopes that if I curled up tight enough, I'd disappear. I don't know how long I had been sitting there when I heard someone call my name,

"Bella?" I looked up to see Mr. Roberts coming down the hall towards me. Despite the pain, I immediately sprung up off the floor, brushing the tears off my face.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I'll get back to work." I said, trying to walk past him.

"Now, wait just a minute, you're not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong with you." He said stopping me.

"I'm fine, Sir." I said trying to fake a smile.

"No, you're not, you look like hell, and you're not going back out there until you've cleaned yourself up. So you might as well tell me what's going on while you do that. Now come on." He said honestly as he held open the door to his office. I went in and sat down, he handed me a box of tissues and a hand held mirror.

"So what happened?" He asked.

"At one of my tables is a boy I used to date, that's all." I said simply.

"A word of advice Bella, you're a shitty liar, now I don't want the overly abridged version, let's hear the rest of it." He said seriously.

"He's a boy I dated last summer. We were in love, at the end of the summer he was offered an internship that would open doors for him in the future. I was so happy for him, it was everything he wanted, and he was everything I wanted. When it was time for me to leave, his sister, my friend, threw a big party, inviting everyone she knew. Including a delusional girl who wanted him for herself. She told me that night that if I didn't break up with him before I left, she would have her father rescind his internship. There was nothing I could do, so, I did as she said, only when I tried to leave him, he wouldn't buy my excuse. Instead he proposed to me, I wanted to accept, but I couldn't, so I convinced him that I had never loved him, then I just walked out of his life. Until tonight. He's here with his new girlfriend, I saw them and I just broke down."

"I see." He said contemplating what I had said.

"I'm really sorry about that, I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me while I was working." I apologized, not looking to give him a reason to fire me.

"Bella, there's no need to be sorry, you've proven yourself a thousand times over. Now why the break down?" He asked.

"It just hurt, so much, and I don't know why. I've got a new boyfriend who loves me, I'm at a great school, with a job I love, but it still hurts even when I'm not with him. And to see him here, with someone else, I'm right back to where I was just after I left. All of that pain just comes flooding back, it drowns me, and there is nothing I can do." I said staring at his desk, trying not to cry again.

"Bella?" He asked, I looked up at him, "I have some bad news for you, that pain, it's not going to go away, ever, not if you loved him the way you say you do. When you left, a little piece of you died. I've learned over the years, especially after losing my wife, a heart can be broken but it will still keep beating just the same. You just have to learn to deal with it, that's all we can ever do." He said wisely.

"Does it get easier?" I asked,

"When you have people that care about you still in your life, it makes it easier, but it still takes a lot of time." He said, then he stood up.

"You're looking better, it's time you get back out there." I nodded and he led me to the door. I walked out into the hallway, but not before thanking him,

"I didn't do anything but talk, but I guess maybe that's what you needed, well then you're welcome." He said, "You better get out there, you've been gone near half an hour." He said strictly, returning to boss mode. I nodded and headed back out.

"Hey Sarah said you might need a hand since you went missing, so I brought the food to tables six and nine and cleared your nine table since they were finished." Melanie said once I was back into the dining area. She was another waitress on my shift.

"I owe you." I said graciously, she nodded in agreement. I went to check on my two loudmouths, they were also finished, so I cleared their plates.

"Hey, it's you again." The blond said with a grin.

"Yep, I'm back." I said with an obviously fake smile.

"We missed you." The brunette replied.

"Uh-hun, would you like to see a dessert menu?" I asked them.

"Nope, we're going to head over to Ben and Jerry's, care to join us?" The blond asked waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Sorry, I don't go anywhere with guys I've just met." I said, they pouted and I walked away with their plates. Once they were clear, I braced myself and headed over to Edward's table once more.

"Hi, I see you've gotten everything you need, I'm sorry about that, there was an emergency." I partially lied, Edward's eyes filled with worry,

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"I'm fine." I said, "Can I clear those glasses for you?" I asked referring to their empty drink glasses, they both said yes. I leaned forward to grab them,

"That's a beautiful necklace, and that charm is lovely." Tanya complimented. I looked down to see Edward's ring dangling in front of me. I immediately dropped the one of the glasses and clasped my hand to my chest to cover up the ring. I wasn't sure if Edward had seen it, but when I looked to him I saw he was distracted by the glass I had dropped and the ice that had spilled out across the table. I quickly tucked the necklace, and the ring, back into my shirt, then began to clean up the ice I had spilt.

"I'm so sorry." I apologized, quickly scooping the ice back into the glass. I used a napkin in my apron pocket to clean up the excess water, and the mess was gone.

"Sorry about that, can I interest you in dessert?" I asked, Tanya shook her head,

"Just the check please." Edward said and I walked away before I could make more of a fool of myself. I put the glasses in the dishes bin and made my way over to the register to print out their receipt.

"You should put your number on the bottom." Sarah advised as she passed by carrying an armful of plates.

"Only you, Sarah." I called after her. I placed the printed receipt into a black booklet, and made my way back over to their table.

"Here you are." I said handing Edward the booklet. Edward handed me his credit card,

"I'll be right back." I went back over to the register and ran his card before returning with the slip for him to sign.

"Have a nice night." I said to both of them, and then I walked away to attend to my other table.

I repeated the process for them as well, as I was counting out change for the two of them, I saw Edward help Tanya into her coat. Edward saw me and waved goodbye from the door. I waved back and watched them walk out the door hand in hand. I tried to ignore that fact as I brought the drunkard's their change.

"Thank you for coming." I told them as I set their money down on the table.

"I'll give you an extra twenty if you let me slip it in your underwear." The blond one said waving a twenty in the air.

"Goodbye." I said and walked away, happy to see them leave. I grabbed the receipt from Edward's table, my heart jumped when I saw he had written something on the bottom,

_It was nice seeing you again_

Simple to some, but it made me smile. I had a couple more tables in the next hours, but none as eventful as my first two. Much to my dismay, about an hour after they left my two drunks stumbled their way back into the restaurant to the bar where they continued to knock back shots until closing when they were forced to leave.

"Goodbye sweet heart." The brunette said when I walked them to the door. The blond lingered for a moment, after the brunette walked out.

"You know, you and I could have some fun, so what do you say, your place or mine?" He asked, getting right up in my face, I began to feel uncomfortable with his proximity, so I pushed him back.

"Both, you go to yours, and I'll go to mine." I said, and then I pushed him out the door for good. I locked the lock then headed back inside. Sarah was lifting the last of the chairs onto the tables, I helped her.

"Who were they?" She asked.

"No one." I answered, she watched them out the window.

"They were hot." She commented as she resumed lifting chairs.

"They were drunk." I told her.

"And that matters why?" She asked, I laughed as we lifted the last few chairs.

"Anyway, you ready to head home?" I asked, she winced.

"What?" I asked confused.

"About that, well, Scott, asked me if I would join him for a drink." She told me, I smiled,

"Oooohhhooohh, Sarah's got a date." I teased drawing out my oooh as I poked her in the side.

"Stop it." She said with a smile, "It's just a drink."

"Just make sure you get coffee on the way home in the morning." I teased again.

"Oh shut up." She said playfully smacking my shoulder. "Are you okay getting back?" She asked. I nodded.

"I'm fine." I said walking over to the coat rack to grab my coat.

"Thank you." She called after me. I waved over my head as I walked out into the cool early fall air. It was late, and most of the stores on the main street were already closed. The few street lights were barely a help as I began walking home. Normally I was with Sarah, and she knew where she was going. I kind of knew where I was,

"Hey, waitress!" A voice called followed by laughter. I looked up to see my two drunkards on the other side of the empty street waving at me. I ignored them and continued on walking. I heard their footsteps cross the street, they were right behind me, I sped up and I turned the corner onto what I had thought was my street. However, it wasn't. It was an alleyway that ended in a brick wall. I tried to turn around only to bump right into the blond one.

"Where are you going, we just wanted to say hi." He said and he reached out a finger to brush my cheek. I smacked it away.

"Please get out of my way." I tried to be forceful, but it didn't work.

"Hey, hey, there's no need to be scared." The blond said as he advanced on me. I backed up having no where else to go.

"Well, actually, maybe you should be. You see, no one rejects me like that." He said angrily as he kept coming at me. It wasn't long before I felt the brick wall against my back, my heart was racing in my chest as I tried to consider possible ways of getting out, but nothing was coming to mind, so I opened my mouth and screamed,

"Help!" The brunette smacked me,

"No, it's okay, let her scream," The blond said confidently, "It's not like anyone can hear her." He said with a sickly grin, my stomach plummeted. Just to spite him I screamed again and again, I would not let what they were going to do to me happen.

"Alright, that's enough screaming." The blond said before smacking me so hard I fell sideways to the ground, landing on my wrist awkwardly. I felt the pain immediately, it wasn't broken, but I certainly wouldn't be able to use it.

"Aww, did you get hurt?" The brunette asked me as the blond one pulled me to my feet.

"Don't worry, were going to make you feel better, after all that teasing, we know you want this." The brunette said as the blond reached forward and pinned my arms to the wall. I cried out in pain as he handled my wrist. When he leaned forward, I realized there was nothing I could do to prevent this, I was going to be another statistic about teenage rape victims.

"Trust me," The blond breathed in my ear, "You're going to enjoy this." I let out a whimper that no one could hear.

**Review and thank you everyone who voted, ill let you know the results when I find out myself!!**

**REVIEW!!!!!**


	4. Let This Go

"Please, don't." I whimpered. The blonde laughed.

"Please don't," He mocked, "Where's your witty refusal? Look Tom, she's all out of jokes now." He said to his friend.

"Oh well, she doesn't exactly need to talk now does she." The brunette named Tom said with a drunken smile as he stumbled forward.

"Nah, just scream." The blond one said with a menacing grin.

"Now hold her down for me." He said moving over in a way that made any chance for escape impossible as Tom sidled in and took his place. I watched over Tom's shoulder as the blond began working on his belt. This motivated me even more to get free. I began to wriggle, trying to loosen Tom's hold on me. His grip just became tighter and he placed a foot on either side of me, much to my advantage. I gathered up as much strength as I could and I brought my knee upwards. He doubled over in pain releasing me, I immediately ran, but the blond one was too quick for me. He grabbed me by the throat and threw me back against the wall. I clawed at his hand as his grip became tighter.

"Pull some shit like that again, and believe me when I say, I will kill you." He threatened ominously, his eyes dark and deadly. I saw Tom push himself upright and resume his stance behind his pal, but he stood slightly hunched as if still in pain.

"Do you understand?" The blond asked. I turned my attention back to him, then nodded.

"Good." He said and the grip on my throat loosened just enough for me to breath. I knew I wouldn't be getting out of this alley, so in one final attempt to alert someone to my situation, I let out a blood curdling scream. It was cut short when the hand around my throat tightened to the point where I couldn't breath.

"You know what I just realized," He asked with a crazed laugh, then he leaned in close, "You'll be easier to fuck when you're dead." I tried once again to release his hand, but he wasn't having it. I felt my head begin to buzz as I began to lose feeling, and unconsciousness began to slowly creep upon me as my vision began to slowly fade.

Then out of no where, Tom let out a yelp of pain, followed by the sound of a crash as he was thrown into the darkness of the alley. The blond whipped around, releasing my throat to see what had happened. The numbness that always accompanied suffocation had already set in so instead of being able to run, I sank to the ground as I tried to take in air. I heard the scuffle, but I could only see their silhouettes as it was taking place in the darkest part of the alley. There was just one other man, and I became worried that he would try to hurt me once he had finished with the two attackers, but as I squinted into the alley, a flash of bronze caught my eye. A color I would know anywhere, and as I studied the build of the man I realized who it was.

Edward. I let out an uncontrollable sigh of relief as I realized he was here to save me, not hurt me. My worry increased however as I watched him fight, perfectly aware that he could take care of himself, but I was still scared for him. I tried once again to push myself off the ground, but as I did Tom came flying out of the darkness to land unconscious at my feet, blood dripping from his mouth. My head spun even more and I froze, just staring at him, I couldn't tear my eyes away from one of my would be rapists. I heard a final thwack and the blond one landed on top of his accomplice, his hand flopping into my lap. I used my good hand to shove it as far away from me as possible. I heard footsteps coming towards me,

"Bella! Are you alright?" Edward asked panicked.

"Bella, look at me!" Edward said forcefully, I turned my eyes away from the unconscious men next to me.

"Bella, if you're okay, nod your head." He instructed, obviously thinking I was in some kind of shock. Which I was, but I was perfectly capable of functioning.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine." I told him through my erratic breathing, he looked at me as if I were certifiable as I finally was able to push myself off the ground. I leaned back against the alley wall for support as Edward stood up as well.

"Bella, you were almost," He looked down at the two men, too angry to finish.

"But, I wasn't. So I'm fine, actually, I really just like to get home. So, good night." I said, eager to get out of the enclosed space with the man who was still capable of making my heart hurt like hell. I tried to walk out, but my limbs were still to numb to actually walk, I began to fall forward. Before I could hit the ground a pair of arms wrapped tightly around my waist, keeping me from slamming into the ground.

"Woah there." He pulled me upright so we were face to face, just inches away from each other. I looked up into his eyes, a mixture of pain and longing filled them, causing my heart to tear,

"Thanks." I said softly, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

"Anytime." He said just as quietly, I bit my lip to keep from crying as I remembered the first time we met, those had been our exact words. He must have noticed it too, because he opened his mouth to say something, but I didn't think I could handle hearing it, so I pushed myself away from him.

"Well, that was exciting, but I'd better be getting home." I said and I tried to walk past him, but he stepped in front of me, blocking my exit. His eyes searched mine, looking for something, something, I knew he'd find if he looked much longer. I looked down and tried to push past him once more.

"Bella, stop." He said forcefully, trying to keep me from leaving.

"Look Edward, thanks, but my roommate is expecting me at home, and if I don't get there, she'll get worried." I lied quickly, knowing that if I didn't get away from him soon, my heart just might shatter. He didn't care about me anymore, I left him, hurting, and it was my fault, I had wanted him to move on, and he did. I had known that would happen, but to actually see that, today, him with his new girlfriend hurt worse than I had ever imagined. I pushed away from him, forgetting the pain in my wrist.

"Ow." I wailed pulling back and holding my wrist to me, he looked at it concerned.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, it's just my wrist, but it'll be fine. Goodnight." I said once again trying to leave, just being around him made my heart ache more than I needed it to.

"Bella wait, can I-let me see it." He said reaching for my arm. I looked at his outstretched hand, knowing exactly what it would do to me to if I reached out and took it.

"It's fine, I'm fine." I tried convincing him, but he grabbed my arm anyway, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to stop me from leaving. He turned me around and took my wrist, turning it over in his hand. I watched him squint in the darkness to exam it, which gave me time to exam him. He hadn't changed, he was the same person I had fallen in love with last year, the only thing that had changed were his eyes. They were the same emerald green, but they were deeper, sadder, like a pair of old eyes, only set in a young face. I had done that.

"It's probably just sprained." He said looking back up at me, I was broken from my examination, "I have stuff upstairs to wrap it, if you'd come with me." He said and started to leave the alley.

"Edward I don't think-" I began, the last thing I needed right now was to spend more time with the ex-love of my life.

"Bella, I'm just going to wrap your wrist and then you can leave, okay?" He said shaking his head and exiting the alley, I could hear the hint of sadness in his voice which confused me, he had moved on. Still, I followed behind him, catching up when he paused on the sidewalk for me.

"It's right over here." He said leading me up a side street, past a couple of apartments. His house was third on the block, a three story apartment with a brick face. He led me up the steps to the front door,

"Second floor." He said, letting me go first as he locked the front door behind us. I went up the stairs to the second as he instructed and waited at the only door in the hallway. I watched as he came up the stairs, his eyes trained on the floor as he ran his fingers through his hair, just like he used to. He let out a deep breath when he got to the door.

"After you." He said opening the door. I went in and he guided me down a hall way into the kitchen.

"Can I take your sweater?" He asked holding out a hand for it. I slid it off my shoulders and handed it to him. He hung it on the back of a chair.

"Sit up on the counter there." He said pointing to the countertop. I did as he said as best I could with on hand.

"I'll be right back, I just have to get some stuff." He said before he left the kitchen. I looked around at the small space, there was a fridge, and a gas stove along with a table in one corner with two chairs underneath the window. I smiled at the small vase with a single fresh flower in it on the table, most likely Esme's doing. Edward came back into the kitchen carrying a first aid box, he sat it down next to me and pulled up a chair from the table, placing it in front of me. He took a seat and opened the box, pulling out an ace bandage. I placed my wrist in his hand once more and began to wrap it. He worked in silence, his fingers carefully tracing down my wrist so as not to hurt me as he began wrapping. The feel of his skin on mine made the wounds in my heart ache so much less.

"How did you find me?" I asked, the silence becoming to much for me. He looked up at me for a second before looking back at my wrist.

"I, um, I heard you screaming from the window in my room." He said sadly, as if not wanting to talk about it, but he continued nevertheless.

"Once I got outside, I had no idea where you were, but then you screamed again. I got really scared I was too late." He said quietly,

"But you weren't." I said, trying to comfort him.

"Yeah." He said just as quietly as before. I let him continue in silence until he began to talk.

"How have you been?" He asked.

"I've been great." I lied, "You?"

"Same here." He said, and I don't know what it was, but part of me, something deep inside thought he was lying. I nodded and he pinned down the last piece of the wrap.

"All set, let me just get you some ice." He said, getting up and going to the freezer. He pulled out an ice try and and reached in a drawer for a ziplock bag.

"You shouldn't do anything that might aggravate it or cause pain for the next 48 hours." He said with his back to me as he filled the bag with ice,

"Ice it for twenty minutes every 4 hours or so and keep it above your heart as much as possible." He finished instructing me.

"Guess that internship paid off." I said with a sad smile, he turned around smiling.

"I guess so. Here, now put this on it." He said handing me the ice bag. I thanked him and tried to shimmy my way off the counter with no luck. For some reason, I wasn't capable of sliding off. Before I could jump down, Edward's hands reached out and grabbed my waist helping me down. He was close enough so that when I landed our bodies were pressed together, he looked down at me and neither of us moved. I watched as his eyes glanced from my lips to my eyes, then back to my lips. His head began to dip towards me, I longed to reach up and meet him, but I couldn't. I quickly moved out from under him,

"Um, so am I good to go?" I asked, my heart racing in my chest at what had almost happened. It was screaming at me to turn around and just kiss him, but I couldn't. Despite his brief lapse in judgement, he was in love with someone else, and I couldn't ruin that for him too.

"Um, yeah, uh, sure. I'll walk you home." He offered.

"I'm fine Edward, really. It's not like anything happened." I said trying to get out of there before I lost control of my emotions. His expression changed, and he stared at me like I was crazy.

"Bella, you do realize you were nearly raped in an alley?" His anger was building, "And that's all you can say? 'You feel fine'?"

"Nothing happened. So yeah, I'm fine. Now, can I go?" I asked a little forcefully, upset that he had the nerve to get mad at me, even though I knew he was just mad at the two men who had attacked me. I was also in a dire need to get out of the room, his presence was just too painful for me, especially after what had almost happened. At my words his face fell, and I saw pain creep over his face and it was making me sick not being able to reach out and touch him, wipe the pain from his eyes.

"As you well know," He said somberly, "I can't make you stay." He said turning to the counter so he wouldn't have to look at me. My heart wrenched open so painfully it caused me to gasp, he looked up worried.

"Edward," I said taking a step towards him, my resolve weakening. He spun around to face me and our eyes met for a moment before I looked away, unable to stand the pain I saw,

"I, I have to go." I tried to leave but he stopped me.

"Bella, wait." He said stopping me, his eyes trained on my neck. He walked right up to me, so close, I could almost hear the beat of his heart against his rib cage as he reached his hand forward towards me. I looked down to see it was reaching for my neck. What was left of my heart was beating faster as he pulled out the necklace from underneath my shirt. I knew I should have stopped him, but I couldn't, I froze. His eyes widened as he saw the ring sitting on the end. His brow furrowed and I could see the pain and confusion in his eyes as he looked at me. I fought back tears as his eyes pierced through me. I pulled the necklace out of his grasp and turned to leave, but before I could take a single step, he grabbed my wrist, spun me around pulling me into his arms, and he kissed me. The feeling of his lips on mine caused the hole in my heart to close up. I lifted my hands to his head and they rested in their old spot in his hair, his grasp around my waist got tighter. We both let out soft moans as we fell back into the same motions, as if it had been just a day since we kissed last, not a year. His tongue licked my lips begging for entrance and against my better judgement my lips parted, he traced the inside of my mouth as if trying to re-memorize what it was like. He tasted so sweet, I had never realized exactly how much I had missed this, the taste, the feel. His tongue then locked with my tongue and they moved in their unforgettable motions. I got the same feelings of desire in my stomach, that same longing I had last summer. This kiss felt right, nothing like when Jacob kissed me. Jacob, oh God Jacob. My heart sank as I realized what I was doing, no matter how good it felt, it was wrong. My heart screamed at me to ignore my head, to keep kissing Edward, because it was what I wanted, what I needed. But I couldn't, and I knew it.

As painful as it was to do so, my hands untangled themselves from his hair, my tongue stopped moving with his and I pulled away from him. He looked down at me, a mix of confusion, lust and hurt in his eyes but I ignored it.

"I'm sorry." I choked out, and I walked out of his room, leaving him standing there in shock. I bolted out the front door, down the stairs, and into the dark night. I ran home without stopping, with each step my heart ripped, so much worse then it had when I had first left. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably as I gasped to breath, not from the exertion, but from the pain. As soon as I entered the apartment I sank to the floor laying on my side and clutching my knees to my chest as I let the sobs and pain overwhelm me.

**Sry bout the delay, just a heads up unless I say otherwise, capters will be updated within seven days!! But please review, because they are what keep me going, especially when I have writer's block, like I do now(errg) so keep it up!!! Sry it was short, but it was packed full of fun stuff!! REVIEW!!**

**xoxo**

**DevineRose**

**I own nothing!!!**


	5. Enough

**I"M SO SORRRYYYY!!!!!!! My house in canada didn't get internet until a couple of days ago, but it was going in and out so i couldn't fully update!!! SORrY!!! I'm also sorry if u don't like this chapter...**

**xoxo, devineRose**

**I own nothing!!!!**

**EPOV**

I watched as she ran out the door and away from me for the second time in my life, and it hurt just as bad as it did then. I heard the door slam and I knew she was gone. I sank numbly into the chair I had pulled out from the table earlier as the thoughts from this evening ran painfully through my mind. Seeing her in the restaurant, hearing her screams, saving her. I should have known she wanted nothing to do with me when she pulled away in the alley, I was just so happy to have her in my arms once more, I felt fixed, and that type of high, plays with your mind, and the ability to make the proper choices. However I could have cared less, I just dug myself deeper, inviting her into the house. I knew she didn't want to be there the way she kept asking to leave, but once again, I couldn't let her leave. Then when I helped her off the counter, and our bodies met, my mind went wild. Everything I had yearned for since she left was right in front of me.

As she began to leave I saw a sparkle sticking out of her collar, and I remembered seeing the necklace in the restaurant, a flash of green had caught my attention, but I didn't have a chance to get a good look at it before she tucked it away. Since she was within my reach at the time, I figured I'd see if it was what I had thought it had been. So I stopped her, she turned to face me and I got as close to her as she would allow as I reached out and pulled the necklace from under her shirt. Just as I imagined it would be, my ring was sitting on the thin chain, the one I had given to her the day I told her I loved her,

_"My father gave it to her when he realized he couldn't be with anyone else but her, and now I want you to have it."_ I remembered as I held the ring in my hand, I looked up at her so confused as to why she would keep this, then the only possible answer to that question was that she still loved me. That revelation left me in a stupor as she pulled the ring from my grasp, and turned to leave. But I couldn't let her get away for a second time, so I took hold of her and kissed her, just like I had used to. Forgetting everything other than the fact that she was kissing me back. Our tongues swayed together, just like they always had, her hands took up root in my hair as if the year that had separated us had never passed. Then, out of nowhere, she stopped, she detangled herself from me as she choked out an apology before racing out the door, leaving me alone. I stumbled into my bedroom as these thoughts ran through my mind. Flopping down onto my bed as I stared at the ceiling, giving me more time to run through the night events.

At that moment when I first saw her in the restaurant, part of me was elated, but the other part, the stronger part, was mad. Mad that she could still function around me, when I could barely do the same around her. I tried to make her jealous, make her see what she was missing, however this resulted in me realizing that as I kissed Tanya, the only thing on my mind was Bella. I couldn't even go with Tanya when she invited me inside after I drove her home. My mind was too clouded with thoughts from last summer to function properly around other people. Somehow, I was plagued with remembering every detail of Bella, her smile, the way she said my name, the color of her hair when it blew in the breeze, the empty look in her eyes when she told me we were done. All of those memories ran through my mind, slowly retearing my heart open as I lay there. I continued the torturous trip down memory lane until dawn, which wasn't as bad as the other option, endure some nightmare in which I was forced to relive Bella leaving over and over again, which occurred every night since the day she left.

Life after Bella had become near impossible, some might not even consider it life at all. It was just too much work to try and pretend like my heart hadn't been ripped out, torn into miniscule pieces, and then forced fed back to me, especially in front of my family. I tried to be normal for a little while, but it just didn't work, everything reminded me of her. I found it harder and harder to interact with other people, especially the ones who tried to convince me that everything would be alright, when I knew in what was left of my heart, that it wouldn't be, there was no way I would ever be _alright_. And I wasn't, so avoiding people became my new specialty. This of course led to the destruction of my relationship with my family, it was if I had died. Alice wasn't as chipper whenever I was near her, if I entered a room where Esme was, she would look up eagerly, but when she saw my expression, her face always fell, thankfully due to college Emmett wasn't around much, and Carlisle, well, Carlisle had just given up altogether. Honestly, I had begun to suck the life out of my family so I stopped trying to fix it, instead I put all my effort and energy into work and school, everyday throughout senior year, my life had revolved around those things, until I met Tanya. She transferred in halfway through the school year. At the time I hadn't given her much attention, but just like every other girl at school, she tried to gain it. And just like every other girl, I ignored her.

Then one day, she came into the hospital when I was working complaining of a bad stomach ache, which was soon discovered to be appendicitis. She was in the hospital for the next two days, and under my charge, as my duties had since grown since when I had started. I had to check on her, and when I did, we would always start talking. About everything and anything, I even managed to tell her about Bella. In a total of two days, I had told this random girl my life's story, and she had listened, and for the first time, I met a person who's immediate response wasn't, "It's going to be okay". I think that's why I fell for her in the first place, she was brutally honest. After she was discharged she left me her number and a kiss on the cheek. Despite all of that, I had no intentions of calling, so I stuffed the number in my pocket and went home for the evening. When I got home, I over heard Alice and Esme talking in the kitchen.

_"He needs someone, anyone."_

_"No, Alice, he _needs_ Bella," The sound of her name still messed with my insides, "And since that won't ever happen, he needs time, just give it to him." Esme reasoned._

_"He's had enough time!" Alice exclaimed._

_"Alice!" Esme scolded. Alice didn't say anything, then I heard her begin to sniffle,_

_"I just-I just want my brother back."_

After I heard that I realized I had to change for them, it wasn't fair for me to do this, they didn't deserve it. I quietly snuck upstairs and pulled the number from my pocket, maybe Alice had been right, what I needed was someone, so I called Tanya, and that was it. As the relationship progressed, I realized it wasn't what I wanted, but she seemed to make my family so happy, so I went along with it, because, she did mean a lot to me despite the fact that my heart still ached for another. However at the time I thought I could hide that from her as I would never see Bella again. Until tonight.

After seeing Bella once more I realized that there would be no hiding my feelings anymore. Tanya would see exactly how Bella still had a hold on me, a hold I was never strong enough to break. I considered the possibility that now that Bella and I were near each other once more, that maybe, just maybe, I could win her back. I felt myself smile at the idea. However if I were to do that, I owed it to Tanya to tell her the truth. The clock read 6:30, not the most opportune time to call her, so I waited until a more appropriate hour to pick up the phone.

When 11 rolled around I gathered up the nerve to pick up the phone. The other end began to ring, part of me hoped she didn't pick up, this was one conversation I had never wanted to have with her.

"Hello?" She answered after a couple of rings.

"Hello Tanya, it's Edward."

"Hey Baby, I was just thinking about you, I was hoping we could grab some lunch at-" She began but I cut her off, not wanting to have this conversation in public.

"Actually, I was hoping you could come over." I suggested.

"Oh," She began, then her voice dropped to a more sultry tone, "What did you have in mind?"

"No, Tanya, we need to talk." I said seriously, much to my chagrin I could hear her face fall on the other end.

"Ok, um, when should I come over?" She asked quietly. I thought about it, the time it would take me to make something for us to eat.

"In an hour, if that's okay with you?" I suggested.

"No, no, an hour is perfect. I'll see you then Edward." She said sadly, and before I could respond, she hung up. What was left of my heart sank a little as I looked at the phone sadly, I didn't want to do this, she deserved better.

I turned on the stove and placed a pot of water on it to boil. As it did I poured some tomato sauce into a pan on the stove, adding in some chopped tomatoes and some spices. I let the sauce simmer as I jumped into the shower quickly. While I was in there I considered what I would say to Tanya when she arrived. How could I tell her that I had kissed the woman I used to be madly in love with. When we met I had told her about Bella, so she knew exactly what it meant for me to have kissed her. When I got out, I saw in the mirror the extent of my injuries from the night before. There were bruises on my sides, as well as on my shoulder, and my hands were completely bruised, something I hadn't seen yesterday as they had been red, but I knew it wouldn't take long for them to turn the typical bluish black. I stretched out my fingers cautiously, they were sore, but nothing was broken. I got dressed and returned to the kitchen to find my water boiling and ready for the pasta, and my sauce just about done. The doorbell buzzed, I went over to the speaker,

"Who is it?" I asked,

"Me." I heard Tanya responded. I buzzed her in and unlocked the door for her before returning to the stove. She came in a few minutes later,

"Hello?" She called.

"I'm in the kitchen." I told her as I grabbed some plates, she came, kissing me before going to sit at the table.

"Where's Tim?" She asked looking around for my roommate.

"He's still out." I answered as I scooped some pasta onto the plates, then ladling some sauce on top. Neither of us spoke, knowing exactly what was coming. I set the plates in front of each of us along with some silverware.

"Tanya-"

"Whose is that?" She asked interrupting me and pointing to a sweater hanging off the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Bella's sweater.

"That's, um, that's what I need to talk to you about." I began, her eyes widened. I didn't want to have to do this, despite her deserving to know that right now I was incapable of making up my mind, I really wanted Bella, but at the same time I was so used to Tanya.

"It's _hers_ isn't it?" She asked disgusted and shocked.

"Yes, Tanya-"

"Just tell me what happened?" She asked softly, but I could tell she was scared, so I pressed on cautiously. After explaining everything, it was quiet, very quiet as we sat there. Finally she looked up at me and spoke.

"And after you guys- after you kissed, she just, walked out?" Tanya asked, I could tell she was having a hard time taking it all in, as she should be, what I had was inexcusable and unforgivable.

"Yes." I said ashamedly. "Tanya, I'm sorry, but I think it would be best if we end things, just so I can wrap my head around all of this." I explained as best I could under the circumstances. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her more by telling her I was ending us in hopes of starting a relationship with someone else.

"What?" She asked stunned.

"Tanya, right now I don't know what I want, and to ask you to stay with me while I decide, it isn't fair for you."

"Don't tell me you're actually _considering_ crawling back to her?" She asked bluntly. My lack of response was answer enough for her.

"So you're just going to end us for a girl, who doesn't even want you?" She asked, almost angrily.

"Pardon?" I asked with a frown.

"Edward, she left you last summer because she didn't love you," She said bluntly as if trying to explain it to someone who wasn't all there. Her words cut to the bone, nevertheless she continued.

"She left you a broken mess, then the moment she walks back into your life you open your arms to her once again, and what does she do? She leaves again. And what do you do? Break up with the one person that care about you? You can't keep letting her do this to you. Edward she's destroying you and you're letting her!" She said standing up, but far from done.

"Edward _I_ love you, I always have, and we have something here, you can't deny that. It's something I'm willing to fight for, so why won't you?" She asked sadly, placing a hand on my cheek, forcing me to look into her eyes.

"Please, Edward, she didn't want you then, and she doesn't want you now, but _I do._ I won't hurt you, I won't break you." She pleaded, trying to get me to see, but nothing she was saying was sinking in and she could tell.

"Do you think you're going to win her back? _She- doesn't- want- you_!" She said the last part slowly so it would sink in, but I wouldn't let it, I couldn't let it. Bella did want me, she did.

"God, Edward, she destroyed you! She's the reason you don't trust anyone, the reason you barely spoke with your family! She broke you to the point beyond recognition and now she still doesn't want you! How could you want to go back to that, you should hate her, not still pine for her."

"Please, she's taken everything from you, don't let her take us too." Tanya begged looking up at me. When I didn't answer her face turned into a scowl of outrage and anger.

"God, you bastard. You make me sick, you have no self respect, crawling back to her, so she can dump you again." She got up and grabbed her coat,

"You disgust me, I'm just surprised you don't disgust yourself." She spat.

After that she stormed out I returned to my bedroom, leaving the mess in the kitchen for later.

_"She doesn't want you...No self respect...she's destroying you...you're weak...Crawling back...didn't love you..._ _she didn't want you then, and she doesn't want you now...She's taken everything from you...Hate her...hate her...hate her!"_ As Tanya's words replayed over and over in my head becoming stronger and louder until something in me snapped. All the sorrow and pain I had ever felt at losing Bella quenched any burning hope or wanting that I had to get her back and it slowly morphed into anger, one I couldn't control. _She_ was the one who destroyed me, and _she_ was the reason I pushed my family away, and if she could walk away so easily, then so could I.

**Okay Im so sorry it's been a while!!! Near a month!!!! Please please don't forget about me and review, I really am sorry! To make u for it the next ch will be up in the next few days!!! We just got internet up here in canada so the updates will be coming in regularly!! PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!! I know ur mad at my lack of updates, but i couldn't help it!!! and now im scared no one is still reading!!!**

**IMPORTANT: um this is gunna sound weird, but is this continuation of MTJASR any good, cuz part of me doesn't feel like it's going well, like something's off(and i don't mean them not being together!!), so I need to know what you think!!!**


	6. Conversations and Heartbreak

**Hey everyone,(I know I said a couple of days, but if you had any idea...) Anyone here had their heart handed to them in pieces by their best friend? TWICE? You'd think I'd learn but no, no way in hell could I ever learn, anyway, I'm sorry, but I just started my senior year with a large chunk of writer's block, a broken heart, and the knowledge that my SATs are about 500 points short of IVY "qualifications" Oh yeah my life is great, Fan-fucking-tastic. **

**xoxo, devinerose**

**I own nothing**

I woke up on the floor the next morning to find my head throbbing and my wrist aching. A bag of melted ice was leaking out onto the wooden floor next to me as early morning light streamed in through the window. I used the base of my hands to wipe my eyes before checking the clock which read 7:45. The compressing, breathless fog that enveloped my heart had settled back in, and as I tried to take a deep breath I found I couldn't. Tempted to curl back up into a ball and become a hermit, I pushed myself off the ground, carefully picking up the leaking bag and carrying it into the kitchen. I threw it in the sink and grabbed a bunch of paper towels to clean up the mess, but there was water everywhere, too much to deal with with the amount of paper towels I grabbed, so I picked up the wet ones and was about to go into the kitchen when I slipped on the water on the floor and fell backward onto the ground with a floor shaking thud. I couldn't move, my back was sore and I could almost feel the bruises forming, I had landed partially on my sore wrist so that began to hurt even more and to top it all off the ice water had begun to soak through my shirt making my teeth chatter. I was just too worn out to move so I covered my face with my hands and began to cry once more as my teeth clattered from the chills being sent up my spine.

The blaring shrill of the phone ringing made matters worse, I was in no state to answer the phone yet, but for some reason I rolled over and reached out to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" I don't think I could have felt worse than I did in that minute. At the sound of Jacob's voice an immense amount of guilt was added onto the intense pain I was feeling.

"Hey Jake."

"Oh Bells it's so great to hear your voice, I miss you so much." Jake said sincerely.

"I miss you too." I mumbled, he laughed.

"Doesn't sound like it, I guess you must be having fun over there." He teased, little did he know.

"Yeah, lots." I said flatly, "So why are you calling?"

"I need a reason to call the love of my life?" He asked and I froze. What came out of my mouth sounded like that of a dog being choked to death.

"Bella, you there?" He asked, and I sniffled into the phone as I began to cry once more.

"Are you-Are you crying? What's going on, Bella?" He asked seriously. I knew I could not answer that question, not over the phone, and not to the one person who was the only reason I was still somewhat sane, the one person who loved me more than anyone else on the planet. So, I told him the first thing that came to mind,

"My roommate's sister died this morning. I was at the hospital with her all night, and just got home, so, I'm just over tired and sad." Over the past year I had learned to lie, and well, especially since he couldn't see me.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry." He said sympathetically and the weight of guilt on my heart became close to the crushing point.

"I didn't wake you did I? I have no sense of time over here, I'm sorry." He kept apologizing, I was about to tell him not to worry, something he had said caught my attention.

"'Over here'? Where? Jake, where are you?" I asked confused.

"Remember the trip to Europe for that Art History club I joined in the middle of the summer?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, I just arrived in London." He said excitedly.

"Oh wow." I said, too emotionally drained to give a proper response.

"Yeah, actually I have to go, but I'll call you when we get to the hotel. I love you." He said eagerly, I paused, and before I could say anything, he had hung up. It was obvious as to why, he was in a rush, and had known I was going to say it, he knew, he trusted me explicitly to love him back. The knowledge of that made me feel sick to my stomach with guilt.

"I can't do this." I mutter through my tears, I needed someone, someone to help me. I lifted the phone back up, and numbly ran my fingers over the number I had memorized a long time ago. As the phone rang I sat up and pulled myself out of the pool of water and went to my room for a change of shirt. I was able to put the phone on speaker and place it on my dresser before a familiar voice answered,

"Emmett's tunnel of love how can I help you?" Emmett answered seriously before expelling a yelp of pain as I guessed Rosalie had knocked him upside the head. I took off my wet shirt and slipped into a clean new one before going back out into the living room.

"What, it's Bella!" He explained on the other end, "You don't care, do you Bella?" Before I could answer he answered for me.

"See, she doesn't care, she loves me." He informed Rose.

"Why don't you try talking on the phone, she's still on the line." I heard Rosalie tell him on the other end.

"Oh, right. Hey Bells, what's up?" He asked jovially. I opened my mouth to speak, but as I ran trough the answer in my head, nothing came out except a whimper, as my head fell into my hands.

"Bella? Are you okay?" His tone was no longer smiling, he was worried.

"Um," I was going to lie, but I could tell they'd never buy it, "No." I said before I couldn't hold it in any more, and I just started crying into the phone.

"Bella! Bella, listen to me, shhh, shhh," He said trying to calm me through the phone, he continued to do so until I had numbed up and stopped crying.

"Do you want me to get Rose?" He asked softly, I nodded, not thinking, then said yes quietly into the phone.

"Alright. Hold on." He instructed before I heard him pass off the phone.

"Bella?" I could hear Rose's voice was filled with panic, "Bella, what's wrong, what happened?"

"I'm fine," Then I couldn't help but let out a humorous laugh, "No, no actually I'm not, I just spontaneously kissed your future brother in law, then ran out on him to curl up into a sobbing mess on my living room floor last night, before crying myself to sleep, and then was woken up with a call from my boyfriend who is madly in love with me, and would do anything to keep me happy." Knowing how sensitive she was to the subject, I left out the part in the alley, my sarcasm was wearing off as I went on, until I broke down for the second time in five minutes.

"Oh God Rosalie, what have I done?" I moaned as I sank into the arm chair in my living room. She didn't say anything, probably still processing the information I had given her.

"What do I do?" I asked.

"What did it feel like?" She asked out of the blue. With no clue as to what she was talking about, I asked her to clarify.

"When you kissed Edward again, how did you feel? Honestly?" I played the moment back again in my head, although it was painfully unnecessary because I already knew the answer.

"Whole." I whispered.

"You know what that means right?" She asked pointedly.

"No."

"You still love him and you still need him, the way you did a year ago. Bella, sure, you've gotten a new boyfriend, and you're in a new place with new friends, but honey, nothing's changed." She said softly, her words struck deep as she had intended them to.

"Bella, you're not going to like this advice, as you have been turning it down ever since I brought it up, but you know what I'm going to say, right?" She asked, I had known it was coming, but I didn't care.

"Rose, I can't tell him," I began, but she cut me off.

"Why not?" She asked frustrated.

He's happy!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, so happy he kissed you? Bella, what you're arguing doesn't even make any _sense_! It's all in the past now, so just come out and say it!" She pressured.

"How!" I exclaimed, "How can I tell him the truth when I couldn't even tell you!" My hand immediately clapped over my mouth.

"Excuse me?" She asked slowly. I didn't answer.

"What do you mean? Are you telling me you lied to me?" She asked, her voice dangerously low.

"No, I never, I never lied to you, not completely."

"Then what the hell happened Bella, I need to know the truth, you owe me that." She said bluntly. She was mad and I could tell. I took a very deep breath, and plunged in, knowing quick and painless was the only way to do this.

"Last summer, at the costume party, after Edward and I," I trailed off knowing she would get it.

"Yeah." She said, politely urging me on.

"Lauren came up to me, and pulled me aside, telling me that if I didn't leave Edward, she would get her Dad to fire him from the internship." I finished quickly, but there was no response on the other end.

"Rosalie?" I asked,

"That dirty, filthy, rotten whore!" Rosalie shouted angrily.

"Rose?" I could hear Emmett on the other end.

"I have half a mind to march back home to that run down little community college she goes to and-"

"Rose, no. Please, no one knows, and I don't want them to. I don't need everyone knowing I gave up everything I had to that dirty skank."

"But you're going to tell Edward right, please, you have to tell him." She tried to convince me.

"It's too late Rose, he's with someone, he's happy, I can't-" I tried to tell her

"Bullshit Bella, you're scared." She said bluntly, with no sympathy whatsoever.

"Forget about Tanya, forget about Jake, what would make you happy?" She asked, the one question I knew the answer to, but wasn't ready to act on it. Someone knocked on the door. I ignored it, not ready to face the human world just then. I opened my mouth to answer Rosalie, when they knocked again,

"Hold on, it's my roommate, she must've forgotten her keys." I said brushing away the traces of tears in a mirror before going to answer the door.

"You have to tell him, I know that's what you want." She said, reading into me.

"Rose I can't handle that. Please, not right now, I can't do it, I'm sorry." I said trying to convince her as I turned the knob on the door and pulled it open. The phone slipped through my fingers as I saw who was standing there.

"Hello Bella." Edward said flatly.

"H-hi." I said shakily.

"Hello? Bella? Hello!?" I heard Rosalie on the other end, without taking my eyes away from him I picked up the phone.

"Mom?"

"Mom?! Bella, was that who I thought it was?" She asked shocked.

"Yes, I have to go, I'm sorry,"

"Don't you dare hang up on me yet, listen, either you tell him or I do, I am sick of this!" The severity in her tone caught my attention and I froze. I knew she wasn't kidding, especially now that he had shown up at my house and she knew the whole truth.

"Mom, please." I begged, praying it wasn't coming down to that.

"No, neither of you are happy and I'm done sitting on my ass, so either you tell him or the second you hang up I'm calling him." She threatened.

"I- I can't." I whispered sadly, wishing I was stronger.

"You can and you will, I have faith in you. Goodbye." At that she hung up and I was left to do the second hardest thing in my life. It wasn't fair for me to do this to him, not change his life again. He had found stability and he was happy. But I knew if I didn't tell, he would find out eventually. I hung up the phone and faced Edward.

"Um, what, what are you doing here?" I asked still shaken up by what I had to do, I could feel my heart in my throat and pounding away in my ears. He held out an object to me, it was my sweater from the night before.

"This is yours, you left it at my house." He said coldly.

"Oh. Thank you." I said taking it from him.

"I'm sorry, come in." I said realizing my rudeness as I stepped aside to let him in. I closed the door behind him, and we stood there facing each other awkwardly.

"Was there anything else?" I asked cautiously, not sure how to act in this situation.

"No, just the sweater, actually, I'd better get going." He said as he began to make his way to the door behind me. This was it, my chance to tell him the truth, the chance to come clean and admit what I had done, how I had lied, how I still loved him despite everything. He brushed past me, and instead of stopping him like I knew I should, I stepped aside and allowed him to pass. Rosalie's words rang out in my head, _I'll tell him if you don't_.

Three steps. Two steps. One-

"Edward wait, there's something I need to tell you." I blurted out, he stopped with his hand on the door. He turned back around, waiting for me to say something. I took a deep breath and began,

"I lied to you, last summer, and I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry for the hurt and pain I've caused us-" To this his head snapped up, and he stared at me,

"Us? Really," He asked with a laugh, that sent shivers up my spine, it was cold and heartless, nothing like what I had once known him to be, "Did it hurt to tell me that you had never had feelings for me, despite the multiple times you told me you loved me? Did it hurt to trample on me after I proposed to you? Did it hurt to watch me beg you to stay?"

"Yes." I whispered quietly, looking away, biting back tears. He saw my expression and let out a pained breath of air. Neither of us spoke for a moment, but I could tell he regretted his outburst.

"I'm sorry," I looked up, he seemed to be looking for the right way to say what he wanted to,

"It's just I have a hard time believe that. It's actually funny, I was so mad at you this morning, I could barely think straight. I planned out in my mind on the walk over exactly what I was going to say to you to make you feel guilty and horrible for what you did last summer. But the more I went over it in my mind the more I realized, I couldn't do that to you, no matter how much you hurt me, I still, I, never mind, it doesn't matter now does it?" He asked with a humorless smile.

"Anyway, look Bella, um I know this is going to sound mean, but I don't see any other way, so could you do me a favor?" He asked, he was nervous for some reason.

"Of course." I said lamely. I wanted to say something, but I was too focused on trying not to cry in front of him,

"It hurts like hell to be around you, can we just agree that we can't be friends and we shouldn't be, for both our sakes?" He asked politely, but I could tell he was in pain. It caused him physical pain to be near me, I made him sick, me, Bella Swan, disgusted him. Instead of embarrassing myself further I just nodded.

"Thank you. I'll, um, I'll see you around." He said before turning and walking out the door. As he left I could see Sarah openly staring at him as he walked past her, leaving the door open.

"Was that?" She asked shocked, looking between me and Edward who was walking down the hallway. I nodded numbly,

"What happened?" She asked cautiously as she closed the door behind her. I felt the tears began to slip down my cheek. I didn't even answer her, what could I say? I turned away from her and went to hang up the phone before walking to my room. I didn't have the heart to call Rose and tell her what happened, so I flopped onto my bed, clutching a pillow tightly to my chest and staring blankly out the window.

"Bella?" I heard Sarah on the other side of the door. She knocked lightly, but still I didn't answer. To be completely honest, I didn't know if I even wanted her to come in. It was one of the many things I was unsure of, including wether or not to listen to Edward, or try again to tell him the truth. The latter of the two seemed to be the way everyone was pushing me, but something was still holding me back. Maybe it was the fact Edward didn't want me anymore, he had made that perfectly clear. The phone rang on the table next to me, but I refused to answer it. Based on what had happened today, nothing good came from answering the phone.

**READ THIS!!!:**

**Bear with me I understand Bella and Edward are being dumbasses(Oblivious, and ignorant dumbasses), right now, but just go with it, I don't need any flames, cuz it wont change anything (although, I haven't gotten any yet so thanks!) It's just taken longer than I though to set this story, so I'm sorry!! Also I know I always respond, or try to, to all of your reviews, I haven't been able to lately, but I'm applying to college this semester, I'm taking a bunch of APs, as I said earlier I'm really hurting emotionally and I'm turning 18 this upcoming sunday, so I'm under a lot of pressure, so please, please, just stick with me. We've got good, bad and funny times ahead for this duo so, don't quit!!**

**Review Please!**


	7. Dreamland

**Hey everyone! Hope you like it, thanks for understanding!!!**

**xoxo, DeViNeRoSe**

**Own nothing!!**

The chill October air rushed through the window I had opened once I had gotten home from work covered in sweat from the busy night. Clearly the cold weather didn't deter people from going out until the late hours of the night. I entered my room and stripped down to my underwear, embracing the cold as I found the skimpiest pair of pajamas that I could find. A simple black tank top with matching shorts, a present from my mother who, while in Phoenix, didn't fully understand the temperature difference. But I couldn't complain as I slid them on, and climbed into bed. Of course it wasn't long before I found myself shivering from the cold I had so eagerly embraced earlier. Jumping out of bed I slammed the window shut, before quickly getting back in bed for a fitful nights rest.

A banging on the door woke me up with a jolt, red numbers from my clock glowed neon in the darkness, I let out a groan, before pushing the covers back.

"I'll get it." I shouted to Sarah who was bound to be home from her shift by then.

"Who is it?" I asked through the door, annoyed that anyone would be calling at that hour.

"Edward." A muffled voice answered. After hearing this I was surprised as well as proud of the fact that I was not only still standing, but also fully conscious. My hand shakily undid the locks and opened the door. There he was, in all his glory standing on the other side of the threshold at one in the morning, wearing a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Just like a normal guy, not one who could have been madly in love with me at one point, and now supposedly hated me.

"Edward, wh-what are you-" I stuttered before he interrupted me,

"May I come in?" He asked briskly, I nodded, lost for words I stepped aside so he could enter. I shut the door and turned back to face him.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked politely once my voice returned. He shook his head then out of no where took a step forward towards me. Quickly closing the space between us, I gulped but stood my ground,

"Rose told me." He said bluntly, my heart stopped, my breathing ceased.

"What?" I asked quietly,

"This morning." He answered. We both stood there silently, neither exactly eager to be the first to speak,

"So you know?" I asked, a sense of relief washed over me when he nodded, but I couldn't tell why, at least not at that moment.

"Why are you here?" I asked, finally addressing the obvious question. Now he knew, but what was he going to do with that information, because although he knew, what had really changed? I had still lied to him, still broke his heart, realistically, what was different?

"I don't know." He answered honestly, looking away from me, "I was hoping that once I saw you, everything I wanted to say and do would fall into place, but evidently it hasn't." That fact seemed to frustrate him. He stared at me for a moment, trying to find something, see something, that most likely wasn't there. After a minute he gave up.

"I shouldn't have come, I'll see you in class." He said before walking out of the door. I heard it shut quietly behind me as I stood there. It took a second before I was able to numbly make my way back to my room. My hand was outstretched for the door knob when there was another knock on the door. Confused I went over to it. Once again I asked who it was, and to my surprise, I got the same answer. When I opened the door, Edward stepped back inside, closing the door behind him.

"I know what I want." He said assuredly before taking my face in his hands and kissing me as hard as he could. Without hesitation my arms went around his neck and my lips parted under his. His hands slipped from my face, trailing down to my hips and pulling me tightly into him, causing me to moan in his mouth as he guided me backwards up against a wall.

Once I was secured tightly between the wall and his body, his lips left mine to trail down my chin to the hollow of my neck where he sucked the skin, ever so gently. His cold hands reached up and began to pull at the hem of my tank top, I leaned forward, just enough for him to pull it off. He threw it to the floor and his lips reacquainted themselves with my neck as the palms of his hands forcefully kneaded my breasts. My stomach ached with pleasure, and I found myself biting my lip in ecstasy as his hands slid down to my shorts, where his thumbs hook into the rim of them, but he didn't pull them down. Instead they just lingered there, as he began to slowly lower himself down my body, until he was on his knees in front of me. Unconsciously my hips peeled themselves off the wall so he could slid my shorts off effortlessly, leaving me in nothing but my underwear.

Once I was, he stood back up, lifting me easily into his arms as he carried me into my bedroom, throwing me onto the bed. I used my arms to crawl backwards to the head of the bed, but he stopped me, by taking hold of one of my ankles and pulling me to him. Leaving me flat on the bed, with my calfs dangling off the foot. I watched as he pulled his sweatshirt over his head, his muscles were barely discernible in the darkness, but I knew they were there. I pushed myself up onto my arms for balance, he leaned forward with a grin I couldn't help smiling at, as he placed a hand on either side of my hips as he kissed me. Shifting all of my weight to one hand, I reached up and laced my fingers into his hair, pulling it playfully. He grinned against my lips, as one of his hands travelled down to my thigh, which he squeezed gently before roaming back up slowly. His lips left mine once more as he began sucking harder and harder on the skin at my neck, causing me to moan in pleasure. His lips went even further as he sucked my nipple through the thin fabric of my bra, an irrepressible urge caused me to push chest further into him, yearning for more as my hands clenched tufts of sheets to steady themselves when he didn't relent,

"Oh God," I moaned, but he wasn't finished yet. Distracted my his mouth, I totally forgot about his fingers, until he was pushing aside the fabric of my underwear and plunging them deep inside me. I bit my lip to keep from screaming out as he slid his fingers in and out in a steady rhythm, my fingers weaved their way into his hair, pulling his head up to meet my lips. When they met, he pushed in yet another finger, causing me to whimper into his mouth. I felt the coil inside of me wind up, and just as it was about to burst, he stopped, causing even more pain as my eyes drifted close,

"No, Edward," I moaned, "Don't stop."

"Edward?" A deep voice asked, clearly confused. Startled, I opened my eyes, to find Jacob on top of me. I let out a scream as I shot up, my eyes opening into reality, where light was shining trough my window, and the clock read 9:45 am, I let out a sigh. Dreams like that hadn't been unusual since my last real encounter with Edward. When neither Rosalie nor Edward called later that week I had let out a sigh of relief. She had yet to tell him, and if it had taken that long, I doubted she ever would. I rolled out of bed and stumbled my way into the kitchen, where Sarah had just flicked on the coffee pot.

"Morning stranger." She said with a grin as I rubbed my eyes and grabbed an apple off the counter. We had barely seen each other last night.

"Hey."

"So, uh, how'd you sleep?" She asked, clearly biting back a grin,

"Uh fine, I guess." I answered, not wanting to completely divulge into the inner workings of my mind.

"So, no dreams or anything like that?" She pushed, I shook my head.

"You are such a liar!" She accused with a laugh, "I heard you moaning and groaning, sounded like fun." She said pumping her eyebrows up. I rolled my eyes as I pulled down two coffee cups.

"It was until it turned into a total nightmare." I went on to explain what had happened, omitting some of the particular details. It felt good to get it off my chest, over the past month I had begun to start weening myself off of Edward, aside from the occasional dream where he waltzed back into my life. He and I had stuck to the terms we had agreed on a few weeks back, whenever we saw each other, it was as if we had never met, aside from the blatant pain in my chest as we would brush past each other, there was nothing there. Thankfully we only shared a single class, but it was huge, so we never had to sit next to each other, I sat in the front corner of the classroom, he sat all the way in the back in the opposite corner. He and I might well have been strangers, admittedly there were moments when we would catch each other's eyes, to see the sparkle of what once was, but then our attention would be drawn to something else, and it was gone. While I had gotten over everything, every time there was a moment like that, I would realize how much I missed him, and I found myself clutching his mother's ring, reminding me that our moment had been real. At first it had been hard, but as time went on, and the more we pretended the more real it got. Jake had continued to call from places around Europe as he travelled with his group. I never told him about the kiss Edward and I had shared, I had tried, but each time my voice gave out, and I spewed some random fact out about my week. As time went on my guilt lessened, and lessened, until it was nothing more than a distant memory.

"How you holding up on that?" Sarah asked sincerely as she poured us both a cup of coffee. I took mine and held it in my hands warming them up before answering.

"It's getting there." I told her honestly as I sipped my coffee. She looked at me with a raised brow before shrugging. Before I could ask her what that was for she began talking again,

"I hear Mr. Verner is trying out a new project on his socioeconomics class." She commented as she took a large bit out of my apple.

"Yep he mentioned it the other day, believe me I'm not looking forward to it. A three week long project, that'll end in a ten page paper, not exactly a highlight, especially since it's my second month at college." I complained.

"Eh, you'll be fine. Write it single spaced, then double it, that's what's gotten me through all my papers." She said with a grin, I frowned and smiled,

"Thanks for the tip, that'll make life so much easier." I said sarcastically over my shoulder as I headed to my room to get ready for classes. Socioeconomic was first, I threw on a t-shirt and pants before grabbing my bag.

"Sarah, I'm leaving." I said as I walked out the door. The classroom was just down the street, so I was graced with the pleasure of being able to leave the house at ten for a ten-twenty class. I entered the classroom with time to spare as I slid into my seat and waited for the class to fill up. Per usual, Dani plopped into the seat next to me. Dani was a tall lanky girl of 18 with a dirty blond bob cut and side sweeping bangs that fit her face perfectly. She and I had become fast friends, she was bold, and unintimidated by anyone or anything, in addition to that she was graced with the mouth of a drunken sailor, and no barrier between her brain and her mouth, which of course made for interesting conversation.

"Oh ballsack!" She said as she let out an angered sigh.

"What happened?" I asked as students filed in around us.

"Stupidly, I let Jack persuade me into a sex-a-thon last night, and it was worth it then, just not now." She explained as she rested her head on the desk. I couldn't help but laugh as I reached over and rubbed her back. Our friend Katie came in and slid in her usual seat behind us.

"I hear Verner's giving us that big assignment today." She said, and she sounded almost eager. Katie was the brains behind our little group, and while she seemed innocent on the out side, inside her mop of black curls, she was a devilish mastermind. She had been the one who had managed to 'rescue' all of the dissection animals, which were already dead, from the science wing and hide them in the Bio professor's personal office, without being caught, all the while there were security cameras peppering the area.

"You would be excited for that." Dani commented.

"Excited for what?" Jack, her boyfriend, asked as he sidled into the room, jumping into the seat behind her, leaning forward and kissing her neck.

"Verner's new assignment, it's supposed to be this huge new thing, and we're the guinea pig class." I explained to him.

"Any info on it?" He asked as he proceeded to give Dani a back massage. I opened my mouth to explain when I felt my heart stutter. I don't know why or how this happened, or if it was even humanly possible or capable of being explained by science, nevertheless, everyday, it happened. Just after it happened Edward entered my line of vision as he passed my desk and went straight for his back corner and his group of friends. The weird heart thing was something I had become accustomed to, so I ignored it and began to explain to Jack what we knew. I didn't have enough time to finish before Mr. Verner entered the classroom carrying a giant box. The entire class watched intrigued as he set the box down next to his desk.

"Who here, ever did the baby egg experiment in high school? The one where you had to take care of a baby, feed it change it care for it?" He asked the class, about half raised their hands, including Edward and Jack, the class was too big for me to really know anyone else by name.

"Perfect, you may put your hands down. As you may have heard, I've come up with a new project, which is a spin on this basic idea. I will be pairing you up into groups of twos, which I have already assigned, so don't get jumpy," He said looking around at the class. Surprisingly enough, I felt pretty comfortable with this assignment, it could be fun.

"This project will be a more in depth study of the socioeconomic of the world. Each of you will be given a background, including culture, sexuality, employment, salary and so forth, in addition to that," He began as he opened the box before him and pulled out a very life like toy doll, "Will be given the responsibility of caring for another." He said before sliding the baby back into the box. I looked around the room and imagined possibilities for my future partner,

"Okay, so here is the way we will be doing this, I will call out two names, you two will be partners, wether it's boy girl, girl girl, or boy boy. You will come down here, receive you informational packet, which includes the assignment and requirements in detail, in addition to the baby, if you get one, then you and your partner may leave to discuss details. Basically, I have paired you up diagonally based off seating arrangements. So the person all the way on to the right in the front row will be paired with the person all the way to the left in the back row, and so on and so forth, so, Sawyer and Jay, Miller and Kenzington, Compton and Swift, Sterling and Reynolds, Salvatore and Gossels, Swan," I didn't even need him to call out my name to know exactly who I'd be paired with. _This couldn't be happening,_ I thought to myself, but it was,

"And Cullen." He finished,

"Oh God." I whispered as I grabbed my bag and got out of my seat, headed for the front desk.

**Please please please, i know it take a touch o time to do it, but pleas, REVIEW!!!**


	8. Stuck On You

**Hey everyone, ugh I have SATs again tomorrow!! Wish me luck, and I broke my foot!! Fun times for me!! BUT **_**I applied TO COLLEGE!!!!!**_** My first app went out last weekend!!! Mind you this was after accidentally replacing my college essay with a blank document (yes I am that good!!) thus losing it forever, the week before The dead line, mind you i worked on it for 3 weeks... but anywho all good in the end!!! but that's why I didn't update!!, I legit had a complete breakdown!!! but here's the update!!(oh and ps, please please review, they make me happy)**

**xoxo**

**Devinerose**

Edward lingered for a moment to talk to Verner, probably about the last paper we had, I went outside to wait for him, as the class was crowded with students eager to get their projects. There was a bench outside of the classroom, I set my bag and baby down and plopped onto the bench, with a little less grace than I would have normally used. I banged my head gently against the stone wall behind me with my eyes closed, a smile slowly crept onto my face. The situation was almost laughable, in the sense that of all the people in the class that I could have been paired with it was Edward. Though I couldn't see anything, I heard the door open, I didn't bother to look as footsteps approached me.

"So," I began, opening my eyes to find Edward standing before me, "How do we want to do this?" I asked simply, knowing him, just because we were forced together, didn't mean anything had changed, it would just mean we would have to work through this,

"Maybe we won't have to." He said, as if testing my reaction, my puzzled expression spurred him into an explanation,

"Well, I talked to Verner, and he said, once he was done dealing with everyone we could discuss switching partners, I thought that might be easier," his mouth was moving, that much I could see, but the words coming out were now completely lost on me after that.

When he had stopped by in September, and told me what he wanted from me, from us, I agreed, well at least my brain did, which was good enough for him. My heart on the other hand was a different story entirely. It never believed that Edward would just want to act like last summer hadn't happened, there was too much there for it to be that simple, yet here he was before me, and that's exactly what he was saying,

"When he finishes, we have to go in." Edward finished, waiting for a response from me, I looked up at him and nodded, I wasn't quite capable of doing much else. He sat down on the bench next to me, staring at the wall across from us,

"It's kinda funny-"

"Will you really need me in there?" I snapped turning to him, I couldn't sit there and make small talk with him, when he so obviously couldn't stand me.

"Do you have somewhere you need to be?" He asked curiously, despite the fact I had another hour until my next class, I nodded, pushing the baby at him, grabbing my bag and getting up. I could feel his eyes on me as I headed down the hall way, and it wasn't long before I could hear footsteps coming after me. I continued walking, I was almost to the door, and had every intention of exiting before he caught up with me.

"Bella, wait." He called, forcing me to stop with my hand on the door lever. I turned to face him and he jogged the last few steps until he was face to face with me.

"Have I upset you?" This surprised me,

"Does that bother you? Upsetting me?" I asked somewhat harshly,

"More than I'd like." He admitted, a group of "couples" approached us, giggling and laughing over their "babies" which they had taken out of the boxes and were carrying in their arms. Edward and I stepped out of their way and I could hear them discussing names, and plans for their projects, I looked up at Edward,

"This is hard," I said in a quite sigh, neither of us said anything after that, we just stood there, not looking at each other for a couple of moments.

"I have to go, just go talk to Verner," I said dejectedly before walking out the door, leaving him standing alone in the hallway.

I walked around campus for a bit, trying not to think about what had just happened. I looked around at the scenery. Coming from places where the leaves pretty much stayed the same, Providence made for a nice change. Oranges, yellows, and reds covered the trees, while clusters of browns scattered the ground, hardened into perfect replicas of their former selves, like me. Whooping and shouting came from my right where I saw a group of guys jumping through a giant pile of leaves they had raked together on their front lawn. I couldn't help but smile as I walked past. That was the one thing I had never gotten to partake in as a child, that and snow angels. I kept on until I arrived at my next class, I was twenty minutes early, but the room was empty, so I went in and took a seat, pulling out my book and supplies for class. I was going over the work for that day when my phone buzzed,

_Tim would like to know if I can give Edward ur new number is that okay? _Sarah texted me.

_Yeah it's fine._ I texted back, putting my phone on the desk, knowing it wouldn't belong before he texted me.

_Okay, so we are still paired. I've been reading over the packet, it's pretty straight forward. We're a married couple, and we need a name for our baby girl._ Edward informed me.

_What did u have in mind?_ I asked, curious to see what he had come up with.

_No idea, I thought maybe u might have something._ Of course I did, but admitting what it was to him was not something I was fond of, but if we needed a name,

_Elizabeth. _I texted back, before turning off my phone and putting it back into my pocket as the professor and a couple of students entered the room. Once the lecture began my mind began to drift,

_I could still hear the whir of the carnival, and see the lights flashing behind my closed eyes, making it impossible to sleep. I woke to the moonlit room, I had had a dream, about the night of the carnival, it was rather strange, but not at all scary, which I why I was surprised I had woken up at all. As I laid in bed I thought about that day, sitting on the picnic table and discussing what we wanted for children when we got older, then just now when Edward and I had gone through his family's belongings. I rolled onto my side to face him, he was lying on his side, with one arm underneath my neck and the other around my waist. He was sleeping so peacefully, especially after the emotional wound I had forced him to reopen. A piece of hair had fallen into his eyes, I reached out and pushed it out of the way. As my fingers brushed his skin, he smiled, although his eyes didn't open._

_ "Go to sleep," He mumbled with a smile, I grinned,_

_ "It's not my fault I can't help staring at you." I teased._

_ "I know I'm just that good looking, what can I say I get it from my parents." He said, his crooked smile growing. I tried to picture his parents in my head, the picture he had shown me was still clear in my mind. His father had looked stern and respectable, and very handsome. His mother was beyond beautiful, she looked elegant and kind. Her name was as classic and lovely as she seemed. Elizabeth, my thoughts drifted back to the carnival, Elizabeth Cullen. My thoughts flashed to the image of me standing in a bright, sunlit room, bouncing around a baby, bundled up in a blanket, the letters EC hooked onto a wall above her crib. I couldn't help but smile as I laid in bed next to Edward._

_ "Penny for your thoughts." He said, and I looked over to see his eyes open and watching me with a tender smile on his face. I leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his lips, he pulled me into him and I snuggled into his chest, closing my eyes,_

_ "Happy things." I said before we both fell asleep._

I finished my daydreaming to find the professor had finished his lecture on Beowulf. Thankfully recalling memories like that didn't drag me back into the dark whole inside me anymore, not to say they didn't try, I just didn't let them anymore. I left the class after taking down the assignment before heading home for a couple hours between classes. I grabbed a snack to hold me over before to my favorite and final class of the day.

French Lit had been my favorite since the professor he gave his first lecture, it was utterly captivating, and got me hooked. Although class today was pretty slow, the teacher wasn't there due to an emergency, so as a group we had to create an essay question and a lesson plan based on the book we had finished, as well as begin reading a new book for next week. We finished the assignment quickly, all of us were eager to end our last class of the day early. Despite that, when I got outside, the sun had already fallen past the horizon as it did later in the year. I began to walk home, it had been my night off from Paragon, which I was extremely grateful for. I was just looking forward to getting home and relaxing, especially after the day's events.

Halfway home my phone began buzzing in my pocket,

_Is there anyway we could meet tonight, to get started on this thing?_ Edward texted.

_R u free now?_ Best to get this over with I thought.

_Yeah, I'm home, do you want me to meet u at ur house?_ I wasn't ready for him to be in my house once more, not the way it ended last time,

_No, I'm actually outside already, I'll come to ur place._ I texted, his response came back quickly, I closed my phone and turned around in the direction of his house. I was there within ten minutes, ringing the bell for him to let me in. He buzzed the door open and I headed inside, climbing the steps until I reached the second floor platform. Once I was there my mind flashed to the last time I was up there. My breath caught in my throat, and I put my hand on the wall to steady myself. My heart was racing and my mind replayed the events of that night, and the reason I had come to Edward's the first time, I saw him unbuckling his belt buckle, his hands around my neck as he squeezed my throat tighter and tighter, all of it was rushing back to me. Everything I had been trying to block out since the night it happened, I tried to shut my eyes against it, but it wouldn't go away. I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder, and I couldn't help it I let out a scream of fear.

"Bella!" I opened my eyes, and standing before me was Edward. We stared at each other before he pulled me into his arms and I broke into tears. Albeit it was a bit after the fact for me to be having such a substantial breakdown, but after it had happened I buried it. Pretended it never happened, but being here, in the same place, I couldn't handle it. I felt Edward rubbing my back as he quietly shushed me. I cried effortlessly into his neck, not caring that my tears were ruining his shirt.

"It's okay, it's over, they can't hurt you." He whispered, I pulled back to look at him,

"How did-" I began,

"During my internship, I studied the effects of traumatic events on the brain, sometimes when something bad happens, people are able to lock it away, especially when they've had to do it before," He paused there for a moment, as if seeing if I was one of those cases, if I had to lock out traumatic moments, "But if something triggers it, then they can experience the pain and shock, as if it had happened just moments before." He explained, watching me. I looked up at him, he was angry as he watched the tears stream down my face,

"I'm sorry." I whispered as he pulled out of his grasp, wiping the tears off my face. His expression softened,

"You don't every have to be sorry, it was their fault. Not yours." He said forcefully,

"Come on let's get inside." He said, and I realized I was having a complete breakdown in the hallway outside his apartment. I let him lead me inside, and take my coat off my shoulders once we entered.

"Where's your bathroom?" I asked, he pointed me in the direction of his bathroom.

"I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready." He said understandingly, I nodded and made my way to his bathroom. It was small, but there was a large mirror above the sink. My eyes were bright red, as was my nose. I calmed myself down, breathing slowly in through my nose and out through my mouth. Once I was fully calm, I grabbed a tissue and ran it under cold water, before using it to dab at my eyes, until the redness subsided. A trick Alice had taught me, as I was finishing up I heard my phone ring. Six o'clock, it was bound to be Jake, I prayed Edward wouldn't notice, when the ringing stopped, and Edward didn't call out to me, I let out the breath I was holding.

I checked myself once more in the mirror before heading back out into the corridor. There was a door on either side of me as I walked down the narrow hallway, one was open, the other closed. As I passed, I looked quickly into the open room, there was a picture of Edward, Alice and Emmett hanging on the wall, clearly this was Edward's room. I looked down the empty hallway, I could hear him working in the kitchen, so I stepped into his room. The walls were plain aside from a couple of pictures of him, or of his family. I looked around the room, there was a bed, a dresser, a desk, a book self, and a bedside table, the basics for a college freshman, but with Esme as a mother, it looked really good for how simple it was.

I went to leave before I got caught sneaking around, but something glimmered and caught my eye. On top of his dresser, there was a small box, the lid was half open and something inside it was sparkling from the light on the bedside table. I went over to it, and lifted the lid off carefully, but as I looked inside the box, I nearly dropped the lid in surprise.

There in the box was the headband I had gotten from Charlie, the one I had thought I had lost. The sapphires were still shiny, and the emeralds hadn't lost their twinkle. I set the top next to the box, and reached forward, pulling out the fragile headpiece. I trailed over the vine pattern gently with my fingers.

"Bella, would you like some water?" I heard Edward call from the kitchen, startling me, I nearly dropped the head band, but I caught it at the last second, and placed it back in the box, returning the lid to it's proper place.

"Um yeah." I said shakily, which I was hoping he would just attributed to my meltdown. My headband, he had kept it with him all this time. I was still contemplating that as I entered the kitchen where he was seated at the table, with the baby wrapped up in blankets and resting on a pillow atop the table as he flipped through the packet. I couldn't help laughing at the scene, this caused him to look up and smile.

"I don't have a bed for her yet." He explained sheepishly, I just smiled, he stood up then and approached me,

"How are you?" He asked more seriously,

"I'm fine, Edward, really, it was just, well, it was what it was. Whatever that was." I said, then laughed at myself at how confusing that had sounded, he smiled as well,

"Here's your water," he said turning to the table and handing me a glass, I took it and had a seat at the table, he went to refill his glass,

"By the way, someone named Jake called." He said easily as he poured water into his cup.

"Oh did he?" I asked, I felt wrong telling Edward about Jake, like he wasn't supposed to know I was seeing someone, I didn't know why, I just did.

"Yeah, your phone fell out of your pocket, I just saw the caller id, I didn't answer it." He explained,

"It's on the table." He said, I looked to my right, there was my phone, I turned it on and checked it, he left a three minute voicemail, I sighed and turned it back off.

"You can call him back, I don't mind." He said, when he noticed I slid my phone into my jeans.

"No, it's fine." I said with a wave of my hand.

"Boyfriend?" He asked nonchalantly, his back still to me.

"Um no, just a good friend." I lied, I didn't know why, it just came out.

"Oh," he said, somewhat more cheerful as he turned back to me, and coming to sit at the table, I pulled the baby closer to me, taking her off of the pillow and cradling her in my arms. She was obviously fake, but I liked the feeling anyways, I looked up to find Edward watching me, with a small smile on his face. When he saw me looking he turned his attention back to the packet,

"Alright, so let's get started." He said, the hint of a smile still on his face.

**Ok, I know its short(SAT's tomorrow!), but I'm hoping to update again sometime on **_**MONDAY/TUESDAY**_**, IF you guys review, and I mean all of ya, come on people tell me what you think about where this is going, I need feed back because when I don't get it I start to lose interest in my stories cuz I think no one likes them!!!! To the people who did review THANK YOU!!! Alright, so REVIEW!**

**Xoxo**


	9. Unborn Truths

**This ch title may be subject to change soon**

**Okay yeah have to say this- um creativeinsanityy, um THAT WAS EFFING PRICELESS!!! Okay seriously, I thought no one agreed with me, STEVE IS SO(10 O's) MUCH BETTER THAN JOE!!! i mean come on, joe? who's joe?? that replacement was so not cool!! Ok back to the norm**

**Hey everyone!! I know it's wednesday(1 am- thursday, but still really weds), but hell week people(tech week(ie im at school from 7am-8pm(13 hours))), cut me a little slack, but seriously tho YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!! amazing jobs on the reviews, could we do that much for every ch???? cuz that would be amazing, if they keep coming in like that, I'll deff be more inclined to update as quickly as I did this time!!**

**xoxo,**

**DeViNeRoSe**

**OWN NOTHING BUT OWN CHARACTERS**

"First things, first, here's our bio, I'm the CEO of the local hospital, and I make 97,000 a year, you are a school teacher, with 45,000 per year. We were married in 2001, I'm 35, you are 33 and this is our first child," He summarized before skipping through the rest of the packet to the important parts, I couldn't help it, but the words 'first child' echoed endlessly in my head.

"The baby cries when uncomfortable in someway, and laughs when happy. However it does not mean that it will be doing this constantly. If the baby is crying, it could be because it is, hungry, thirsty, in want of attention, tired, it has relieved itself and so on. In order to stop the baby's cries, one must address these needs. If the baby is left crying for more than ten minutes, this will be recorded on the baby's internal system, and this will deduct points from your final score. The baby shuts down for a certain period of time, during both the day or night for sleep, and will wake up after an adequate period of time. It will also wake up with excessive noise and motion. If the baby is shaken, dropped, or harmed in any way, it will cry continually until brought in for repair. Should this happen, it will result in an F in the child care portion of this project."

The thing I was holding in my arms was just like a real baby, the skin, the weight, the size, _our _real baby. I didn't know why it hadn't affected me before, maybe it was like the attempted rape, I had buried it, and if tonight was any example, I should have known the excruciating memory of my 18th birthday would come back eventually. I could still remember the pain that had woken me up, and the fear and sadness I felt when I realized I was covered in blood. I brushed away the lone tear, and tried my hardest to listen as Edward began to read the question for the 30 page essay we had to write. But all I wanted to do, was tell him about what had happened and curl up in his arms in agony as he comforted me, but I wouldn't let that happen. I had pushed away the pain once, and I could do it again.

"30 pages due Friday November 20th. Well, there's a roundabout way of asking us what we learned from this project. I swear college is just elementary school, only longer. But, we've got three weeks so finish this. That shouldn't be too bad, right?" Edward asked me, but I couldn't really hear him, still I nodded anyway, and looked up with a smile.

"That's everything we need to know from the packet, now we just have to figure out scheduling, because she can't be left alone." He said leaning over and rubbing her head gently with a smile, as if she was actually his daughter, which for all purposes she was.

"Okay, what does your class schedule look like?" I asked,

"Oh hold on," He paused, I thought he was going to get his schedule, instead he flipped through the packet once more, stopping on a page and then scanning it until he found what he was looking for,

"Here it says that we can turn her off for periods of time as we have classes that we need to get to, however, in our final report we have to calculate child care, which is 50 dollars per hour." I couldn't help but laugh at the notion of turning off a baby.

"Okay, what are your thoughts on that?" I asked, not completely comfortable about the idea of shutting down our baby.

"Why don't we see if we have mismatched classes, so that way, we can switch off between classes instead of turning her off?" He suggested logically. I nodded and pulled out my schedule from my bag, as he did the same. We placed them side by side on the table.

"So with the exception of Tuesdays and Fridays, this could work." I said, pointing out the differences." He nodded.

"And we can alternate nights." I said definitively, he nodded once more, with a smile on his face.

"We're pretty good at this." He said leaning back in his chair, I laughed. At that point Elizabeth began to cry, causing both of us to look at her,

"She's either, hungry, hurt, or has wet herself, take your pick." He said with a grin as he got up and made his way over to a box that was lying on the floor of his kitchen. The box she had come in, he reached inside and pulled out a plastic bag. It was see through, enabling me to see that inside was a fake bottle and a stack of diapers. At that point a stomach rumbled,

"Hungry Edward?" I asked with a laugh, as I rocked Elizabeth in my arms,

"That wasn't me." He said with a smile, as he handed me the faux bottle for Elizabeth, it was tiny, about the same size as the distance between the tip of my middle finger to the bottom of my palm. Inside fake milk sloshed around the edges, but there was nothing in the middle, just along the sides. I placed it into her mouth, it fit perfectly, and as she began "drinking" the milk began to disappear slowly.

"Come on," Edward said after a moment, "Let's go set up a space for her in my room." He suggested with a smile, I nodded, getting up carefully out of my seat. Edward came over to help me up, guiding me up from behind, with his hands on my elbows. Once I was up he didn't move, just looked at Elizabeth from over my shoulder, he reached out once more to rub her head. I turned my head to look up at him, only to find our faces a mere inches apart. While I wanted to kiss him, the fact that I couldn't didn't hurt as much as the fact that I couldn't just lean back into him and have him wrap his arms lovingly around me. That's what I had always missed the most, the seemingly endless love that was shared between us, no matter what we were doing, wether it was kissing or something simpler, like holding hands, or curling up and watching a movie.

"You good?" He asked, I nodded, his hands dropped, almost reluctantly from sides, "My room's back here." He said before guiding me back to his room. Once we entered I reacted as if I had just seen it for the first time.

"This is nice." I commented, my eyes subconsciously flickering to the ornate box on his dresser.

"Esme's doing of course." He said with a grin, I smiled back.

"Here, have a seat." He said pointing to his bed,

"Thanks." I said walking over to his bed and sitting down, he came and sat next to me and the two of us began examining the room for places for Elizabeth.

"I have some of clean sheets that we could use for bedding," He said getting up and going over to his closet, pulling down a pile of sheets from the top shelf,

"It's just a matter of where to put them." He said looking around. I considered possible options, though there weren't many, we could use the box she came in, or another cardboard box.

"Do you have any baby sized cardboard boxes?" I asked him playfully, he smiled,

"No, nothing but what she came in, and I don't think she'd fit with the blankets." He said, leaning on his dresser.

"What about a laundry basket?" I suggested,

"All I have are the tall ones." He said with a sigh, "Hold on, Tim might have one though." He said, leaving to check across the hall.

"How is Tim by the way?" I asked, looking down at Elizabeth, bouncing her gently in my arms, it just felt so natural, which of course just made it worse.

"He's fine, can't stop talking about Sarah though." He said with a laugh,

"Hey, no teasing," I shouted back, laughing as well, "We were the exact same way." The second the words left my mouth I wanted to hit myself in the forehead, as I waited for his response. I let out a sigh of relief when he let out a laugh,

"I guess you have a point there." He said returning empty handed.

"No luck?" I asked, he shook his head.

"I could ask Casey, the guy who lives across the hall." He offered, I shook my head,

"Hey, what about a dresser drawer?" I asked, nodding to his dresser, he looked at it, then shrugged,

"Why not." He pulled the top drawer out, it was filled with t-shirts, he set them on the bed. Then shook out the sheets and arranged them comfortably in the rectangular box, covering the edges and padding the bottom and sides.

"How's that?" He asked proudly, looking up at me, I smiled and nodded,

"Are you happy little Eliza-" I began to coo, but when I looked down, I saw her eyes were closed and her bottle was empty. I smiled warmly down at her, the sight of her made my heart warm too. I got up carefully and placed her gently in her "bassinet." Edward tucked the blankets in around her, then pushed the box next to his bed. We both sat there watching her for a moment longer. I pictured a real live baby, in a real crib, and we stood over her just the same, but it was different, his arms were wrapped around me, and the baby would open her eyes and giggle at us, but I shut the image out of my head, coming back to reality. At that point we both decided it was time to exit, and we turned to leave,

"That's a pretty box." I said pointing to the box on his dresser, even though I knew what was in it, I just wanted to see his reaction, he looked up at it and smiled, walking over to it. I expected him to pull out the headband, instead he opened a small drawer underneath the main compartment, inside was his father's pocket watch, the one I had given to him on his birthday the summer before last. Our summer. He slipped the watch back in the drawer and we left his room in silence.

"I'd, um, I'd better get going." I said with a sigh, as he pulled the door to his room behind him until it was only open a crack.

"Are you going to be okay, walking back alone?" He asked concernedly, assuming my current emotional state was due to my previous meltdown as we headed back to the kitchen so I could grab my stuff.

"Doesn't matter either way, someone has to stay here with Elizabeth." I reminded him, he nodded,

"Wow, I don't think parents could get much worse than me." He said with a smile,

"You'll do fine." I smiled back gathering my belongings, then letting him walk me to the door. We stood there in front of the door,

"I left the bottle on your bureau." I told him, so he'd know where it was when he needed it, he nodded,

"Thanks and I'll bring her by tomorrow at ten." He said with a helpful smile. We had said everything we needed to and it was time for me to leave, but I found that I didn't want to, not in the least bit. I didn't want to walk home alone, to an empty house, a reminder of what I had lost.

"Hey," he said breaking me from my train of thoughts, "I was going to order some Chinese for dinner and do some homework, do you want to join me?" He offered,

I considered it for a moment, what would happen if I were to say yes. What could happen, I had opened my mouth to say something, but my phone went off in my pocket, answering my dilemma for me,

"I don't think that would be such a good idea, I have so much work I need to get done, and I wish I could, but tonight's just not the best." I said, his smile faltered, but he nodded.

"Next time then." I nodded and walked out of the door, letting out a sigh once the door shut behind me. I paused for a moment, taking a minute to collect myself before I answered my phone with a smile.

"Hi,"

"Hi," His deep voice flowed through the phone as I made my way out of Edward's building.

"What are you up to?" He asked sweetly,

"Oh just leaving a friend's house, we were doing homework." I lied easily,

"That sucks." He said, I understood why.

"Yeah totally, but we have to do it. How's Europe?" I asked changing the subject before he could ask anymore questions on what I was doing.

"It's good, really fun, I'm sad it's ending though, we'll be done for thanksgiving, which is actually why I'm calling." He said tentatively,

"What's up?" I asked as I stepped out on the street and began heading home. I made to cross the street, but decided to walk the few blocks to the restaurant to pick up some food and say hi to everyone.

"Are you going home for thanksgiving?" He asked,

"Yeah, of course, why?" I asked curiously.

"I have a connecting flight from France to Seattle, that stops in Boston, which is close to you, so I was thinking, why don't we fly back together?" He suggested.

"What day?" I asked, I was excited I had dreaded the idea of riding back alone, plus I had yet to purchase my tickets, so it was convenient as well.

"I was thinking Tuesday, after your classes? If you say yes, then I can reserve a ticket for you too." He said thoughtfully, and I could hear the eagerness in his voice.

"I'd love that."

"Great! Hey, I miss you," He said, I began to feel guilty. Except for when he called I had completely forgotten about Jake. During the week, he was never on my mind, not the way Edward had been of late, but I ignored the guilt and responded,

"I miss you too." I said approaching Thayer st. and Paragon.

"So where are you now?" I asked, curious as his location changed every week.

"Right now we're in Germany, which is incredible, I miss Greece, but I can't complain. I've been talking to the guys every week too. Quil misses you by the way." He said with a laugh, I laughed as well, Quil and I had become friends, but he had had a major crush on me since I started coming up to La Push more often, that is until he met Claire, but everyone still teased him about me.

"Tell him I miss him too, next time you talk. Hey I have to go, I'm meeting Sarah." I explained to him as I crossed the street.

"Oh nice, tell her I said hi." He said kindly, he and Sarah had made fast friends after she answered the phone for me a couple of times and they had got to talking. Not in the worrisome way, but she liked him, which was good.

"I will." I said as I walked in through the back door kitchen entrance. Sarah was sitting on the counter in an unused part of the kitchen, clearly taking her break, with a plate of fries in front of her, I waved,

"I love you." Jake said.

"I love you too." I said, hopping up next to her, 'Jake?' she mouthed, I nodded,

"Ooooh oooh let me talk!" She said excitedly, I laughed,

"Hold on Jake, she's right here you can say hi yourself." I said handing her the phone.

"J. Black!" She said excitedly, "What's up?" They began talking as I poured more ketchup onto her plate and began eating her fries as they talked,

"No way, that's so cute! Totally you're all set." She said cheerfully after a while.

"What's cute?" I mouthed as I stole another French fry, she waved her hand and mouthed nothing, I rolled my eyes and turned to Tim who was closest to me, battering the squid for calamari.

"Hey Tim." I greeted.

"Hey, Bells, enjoying your night off?" He asked politely.

"As much a I can, I just was at your apartment with my 'baby'." I explained with air quotes before throwing a few more fries in my mouth.

"You?" I asked.

"Well, it's been pretty slow tonight," Tim said as he put the cluster of calamari he had just prepped into a pan.

"Yeah Bella, and it's all because you weren't here." Danny teased with a wink as he passed us.

"Not her fault people love her face more than yours." Sarah interjected despite being on the phone, Tim and I laughed as, Danny frowned.

"Sarah, why are you still here, your shift ended an hour ago?" Danny asked with a smile before smiling at Tim. They both glared at him. While relationships in the workplace was not an issue here, it was more of her personal relationship with Walker that Sarah didn't want too many people at work knowing about her and Tim. She threw a fry at Danny who dodged it and continued on to the sink with his batch of dirty dishes.

"Danny's right, we should be getting home." She said standing up and stretching.

"Adios J.B." She said into the phone before handing it back to me.

"Hey Jake." I said with a smile,

"Hey Babe, so I take it I'll talk to you tomorrow." He said,

"Sounds good, I love you." I said and finished up our conversation while Sarah said goodbye to Tim as unassumingly as possible. But just by looking at the two of them, it was obvious how in love they were. All Tim did was run a hand down her arm, and I could see Sarah melt when he got to her hand and squeezed it gently in his.

"We have to go now." Sarah said pulling away from Tim, both of them were grinning, "Bye everyone." Sarah called as she bundled up, everyone in the kitchen said bye and the two of us walked out the back door and turned out onto the main street.

"So how was your day off?" Sarah asked as we walked.

"I went to Edward's after class to deal with Elizabeth, and I was there until I came by the restaurant. Her jaw dropped and she stopped moving altogether. I stopped and turned to face her bashfully,

"You what?" She asked astonished.

"What? I had to for the project." I explained.

"What happened?" She asked curiously.

"Well, first I had a post traumatic psychological breakdown in his hallway from the almost rape, then when I was sitting with Elizabeth in my arms, I had yet another emotional break, thankfully this one wasn't half as bad as the first. It was just hard, being around him with a 'baby' in my arms," Without causing a break in the story, she pulled me into her arms for a comforting hug,

"It was just weird, sitting there and having what I _could_ have had with him."

"Bella, losing the baby, there was nothing you could do to stop that." She said trying to convince me,

"That's not true, look Sarah there was something I never told you," I looked down embarrassed and saddened,

"Bella, what happened?" She asked softly, putting a finger under my chin to lift my face to meet hers.

"Um, after I lost the baby, I went to the doctors, explaining what happened. She," I took a deep breath,

"She said, that it was extremely likely that when I was pregnant, the reason I lost the baby, was," I sniffled, trying to keep myself from crying, "Was because of the emotional and mental strain, and malnourishment that I went through during the early stages, so basically I killed my baby because I wasn't strong enough, and to be sitting in his kitchen, with a baby in my arms, and him smiling at-at me, I-I-" At that point Sarah just pulled me in her arms and held me, as tightly as she could, not caring about the stares we were receiving from passers by.

"I'm sorry," I said pulling away with a smile, wiping my nose on the back of my hand and attempting to clean myself up. She smiled sadly at me,

"There's nothing to be sorry for, it wasn't your fault." She said, brushing away a tear I had missed, I nodded,

"I know, but that doesn't make it easier," I explained,

"It never does." She agreed, "Come on." She said taking my hand, then out of no where dragging me across the street, yelling at a car that almost hit us, and into a CVS. She practically ran us to the back of the store to the freezer section. She examined the casing for a moment,

"Sarah, what are we-" I didn't get to finish as she had found what she was looking for, she opened the case and grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry's Vermonty Python. Then she dragged me over to the movie rack, which as it was a CVS carried only a few movies, she grabbed the one she was looking for, The Notebook. I laughed a broken laugh, as she walked up to the counter and placed the items forcefully onto the countertop. The cashier looked at our purchases then to my tear stained eyes,

"Oooh, rough night?" She asked as she scanned the ice cream and movie, I nodded.

"$15.85," She said, I made to get out my money but Sarah was already handing the cashier a 20 dollar bill.

"Good luck." The cashier said as she handed Sarah our change. We walked home arm in arm,

"Sarah, you don't have to do-"

"Yes, I do." She said and we continued on until we got home, where we both changed into warm, comfortable pajamas and huddled under a blanket on the couch with a pair of spoons and our container of Ben and Jerry's as the movie began.

**REVIEW!!!!! Please, keep up the reviews, thats what keeps me going!!!**

**Poss Review challenge: Please please comment on the ch, not just update soon!! I need feedback(good or bad), and update soon is highly obscure!! I'm not asking for a novel here, just something simple!! Thanks!!**


	10. Eye For An Eye

**Hey everyone! okay so 3 things**

**1. Keep ur pants on, it's bad enough I didn't finish my nanowrimo, but I'm also late posting this, so I feel like a total piece of crap for doing this to you as it is, so please, I'm sorry.**

**2. THE NEXT CH WILL BE UP TOMORROW!!!(****THAT doesn't mean you don't have to review this one-seriously the reviews have been lacking these past few chs and I understand that i've been away a lot but it really hurts to know that I used to get like 60 reviews per chapter and now I only get like 25, so please please please review!!!!!!)**

**3. This chapter goes to three very special reviewers, one of which who has yet to stop leaving thoughtful reviews period (creativeinsanityy) the other who single handedly help me with my writer's block (saturday's dawn), and lastly the third whose offer for help meant a lot to me (****) (even though I completely forgot to get back to u (will explain later cuz im sorry!!)) So I have to thank them the only way I know how!!! thanks guys**

**xoxo,**

**Devinerose**

I own nothing, although I'm sure u all know that by now!!

Edward and I continued work on our project for the next week, most of it was done apart from each other, just meeting when we switched off, which was somewhat better, easier. Jake continued to check in about our thanksgiving plans, but thankfully Edward was never around for that. I never ended up telling him about Jake, it was too late after the fact, but apart of me knew there was another reason. My heart was still convinced that despite Jake, I should do everything in my power to get Edward back, and it knew that if I told him about Jake, there would be no hope, so I kept my mouth shut.

Edward had just dropped Elizabeth off for the night, and Sarah and I were in the kitchen talking, as I walked around the room bouncing Elizabeth in my arms gently as I fed her, something that I had begun doing quite frequently whenever I had her.

"Why do you do that?" Sarah asked with a smile as she watched, I shrugged,

"I don't know, it just feels normal." I said smiling at Elizabeth who was looking up at me.

"You know you have to give her back right?" Sarah asked softly, looking up at her, as she warmed her hands on her cup of tea, I nodded.

"I'll be fine Sarah, honestly. I had my meltdown, so I think I'll be meltdown free from now on." I said assuredly, she eyed me suspiciously but said nothing more on the subject.

"So, you and Jake are headed back home for Thanksgiving?"

"That's the plan." I said with a sigh,

"Well, don't sound too excited." She said with a knowing grin, looking at me over her mug.

"No, I am, I really didn't want to go alone." I said honestly, I didn't want to go alone, it was just that was really the only reason I wanted to see Jake, but I had yet to admit that fact to even myself. I felt guilty, but still I couldn't do anything about it.

"Good, because he sounded really excited about it on the phone last week." She said, grabbing a piece of cereal out of the bowl she had poured,

"I am too, I need to see him,"

"Because you miss him, or because of something else?" She asked, seeing right through me. She was right, I wanted to see Jake, not because I missed him, although, I did, even if it wasn't as much as I should've, but because, if I didn't see him my feelings would begin to dwindle, which was not something I was entirely okay with. When I didn't answer Sarah went on,

"Bella, make no mistake, I support however you feel, and whatever decision you make, but I want you to make that decision, and feel those feelings based on what you want, not what someone else does." She said honestly, looking right at me. I took a minute to let her words soak in before walking over to her and giving her a one armed hug since Elizabeth was still in my arms.

"Thank you," I said honestly, then reached down to steal a sip of her tea with a smile, "But you don't need to worry," I said sitting the cup back down in front of her,

"Yeah right." She said with a laugh before picking up a piece of cereal and throwing it at me, hitting me square in the forehead. I laughed as it bounced off of me, but then it landed directly in Elizabeth's eye.

She began to cry as any normal baby would and I quickly picked up the cereal and flicked it into the sink, hoping it wouldn't cause any serious damage, but knowing my luck it probably would. Sarah immediately jumped up looking to see if she could help, but there was nothing to do. I looked into Elizabeth's eye and saw that the clay molding had been dented.

"Oh no." I groaned worriedly, this was not good,

"I'm sorry, Bella, I, I didn't mean, I was just," Sarah began to apologize brokenly, clearly worried that she had done something terrible, which she had, but I wasn't about to tell her that,

"It's fine," I lied, considering the consequences that would follow blinding your baby in one eye.

Elizabeth continued to cry despite my attempts to stop her, until after about fifteen minutes she abruptly stopped and went to sleep. I let out a sigh of relief when she stopped, as this meant we hadn't failed completely,

"Oh great," I said, dropping my head into my available hand,

"What, what happened?" Sarah asked anxiously,

"She stopped crying, and its been ten minutes." I explained then to Sarah what that meant, her expression went from apologetic to mortified,

"Bella, I'm so sorry, is there any way I can fix this? Can I talk to the professor, or something?"

"I don't think it works that way. But Sarah it was an accident okay, this is not your fault, we'll figure something out when Edward gets back, until then, let's just deal with the now." I said, surprisingly calm for what had just happened, my statement caused Sarah to look at the clock,

"I have to get to work," She said standing up from the couch where we were seated, "But if you need me to do anything, call me, okay?" She assured me, I nodded and watched her walk out of the front door. I got up and went to my room, placing a sleeping Elizabeth into the make shift bassinet next to my bed that Sarah and I had made out of a small laundry basket. I pulled out the project guidelines and flipped to the section on babies, when Edward had read that if the babies cried for more then ten minutes it would deduct points from our final score, he didn't specify that it would be an entire letter grade.

My heart dropped as I realized, that even if we got a perfect score on our papers, we would still only be able to get a B+ at best. I fell back on my bed with a groan, this couldn't be happening. Pulling out my phone, I texted Edward, telling him to come over after class so we could figure out what to do. Half an hour later I heard a knock on the front door and knew things were about to go from bad to worse as I had to explain to Edward that I had just blinded our baby with a piece of cinnamon toast crunch.

"Hi," I said pulling the door open, and letting Edward in, but not before he removed his shoes, set down an umbrella and shook out his hair. Droplets of water scattered from his bronze tendrils,

"You'd think by November, it'd start snowing." He said with a smile as he entered the apartment and I closed the door behind him,

"Go figure." I said with half a smile,

"So where's Elizabeth?" He asked looking down at me,

"Sleeping, um Edward, we have a slight problem." I began cautiously, his face fell as he became serious,

"What happened?" He asked curiously.

"Sarah thew a piece of cereal at me while I was holding Elizabeth, and it fell in her eye, she cried for longer than ten minutes." I explained hurriedly, hoping the faster I explained it, the less angry he would be.

"But she did stop crying right?" He asked, I nodded.

"Well, at the back of the packet it gave information about how to call to question certain things if something happened that was not our fault." He said before checking his watch,

"Do you have work tonight?" He asked.

"Not tonight, why?" I asked, wondering what he had in mind,

"Because I don't think Mr. Verner has left yet, maybe we can go talk to him now, explain the situation." He suggested, I nodded,

"Ok, let's get Elizabeth and head over." I said walking to my room to get dressed and get the baby,

"How bad is it outside?" I called to him as I examined my closet for a jacket,

"Do you have a raincoat?" He asked, I was startled when I heard him in the doorway to my room, when I turned to face him I found him looking around.

"I like it." He said honestly,

"Thank you." I said before turning back to my closet and pulling out one of my many rain coats, living in Forks did have its advantages.

"Do you want to grab Elizabeth?" I asked gesturing to her as I slid my arms into a black raincoat, Edward nodded and made his way over to my bed where he pulled her out of her basinet and wrapped her warmly in her blankets.

"Will she be okay in the rain?"

"I brought an umbrella, and she's pretty bundled, so I think she'll be good," He explained, "Plus, I'm guessing we have to bring her." I nodded and slid my feet into a pair of rain boots,

"Why is there a bag of trash in your closet?" Edward asked curiously, I felt my heart stop, I had completely forgotten,

"Oh, it's just um, just some stuff Charlie sent over thinking I would need, but it doesn't fit me any more, so, I put it in the closet." I explained brokenly as I shut the closet door on the bag filled with things that had once meant everything to me, but no longer fit who I was.

"Oh," he said simply with a smile before turning out of my room. I held Elizabeth as he put his shoes back on out in the front hall before grabbing his umbrella and standing back up.

"Ready?" I asked, he smiled, then he reached out towards me and pulled on my hood. Once it was on his hands didn't leave my jacket as he stared at me. Beneath his eyes I could see some sense of longing, which he probably saw in my eyes just the same. My heart began to race in my chest, and I was almost surprised that he couldn't hear it. One of his hands moved from my hood and was about to cup my cheek when a door slammed down the hall and we broke apart, startled.

"Um, thanks." I said softly, referring to his help with my hood

"Anytime." He replied before turning his back to me quickly, as if he had know he had made a mistake and was clearly ashamed of it. I followed him down the stairs, my heart cringing a bit more with each step until I caught up with him at the front door, which he had already opened. Rain was coming down in loud sheets, and the sky was near black despite the early hour. I tucked Elizabeth more tightly in her blankets as Edward opened the umbrella for us. I stepped under it and at the same time he and I realized we would have to be much closer together if we were going to fit under his umbrella. He cautiously placed an arm around me, when I didn't protest, he pulled me closer into him so I was completely out of the rain and we began our three block journey to Mr. Verner's class.

"Are you okay?" He asked halfway through our walk,

"What?" I asked, a bit louder than he had, as the sound of raindrops pelting onto the umbrella drowned most sounds. He smiled and leaned in closer to my ear, my heart began to race as it had in the hallway, as he repeated himself,

"Are you okay? You're not getting wet are you?" He asked, I shook my head in response, knowing I would have to get closer to him if I wanted to respond verbally, and that was something I didn't think I could handle at the moment. The rest of the trip was made in silence until we arrived at the building. Edward held the door open for me as I stepped inside with him close behind. He closed up the umbrella and I pushed off my hood. I checked Elizabeth once more who was still sound asleep as Edward and I squeaked down the corridor to Mr. Verner's lecture hall. The lights were still on and he was seated at his desk.

Edward knocked on the door causing Mr. Verner to look up. Once he realized it was us, he motioned his consent for us to enter. As usual Edward held the door open for me,

"Edward, Bella, how can I help you?" He asked as we approached his desk.

"We had a bit of and incident." Edward began, Mr. Verner let out a sigh before leaning back in his chair,

"What happened?" He asked, Edward looked to me and I began,

"I was feeding the baby in the kitchen while having a discussion with my roommate, who then threw a piece of cereal at me, it bounced off my head and landed in the baby's eye. She cried for about fifteen minutes afterwards." I explained,

"I see, well that was hardly your fault now was it?" He asked rhetorically,

"I assume you're hear to keep your points," He continued, not bothering to wait for a response from Edward or me, "I still have to deduct points seeing as if this were a real baby, this could have seriously damaged its cornea, however I will not penalize you to the fullest extent, but you will still lose half a letter grade." He said, before writing it down on a sticky, Edward and I breathed sighs of relief.

"Next time however I will subtract all of the points in addition to this, so please be more careful." He warned, Edward and I both nodded, before wishing Mr. Verner a good night, and exiting the classroom,

"Well, that was not as bad as I expected," Edward commented, causing me to let out the silent breath I was holding, thinking he would have taken the news much worse.

"No, we just have to kick ass on our papers, and we can't get anything wrong on our calculations." I said, almost stating the obvious.

"Speaking of that, how far are you on your paper?" He asked stopping in the hall way to face me.

"I only have ten pages, basically everything aside from the calculations and the end stuff, which means I have an introduction." I said honestly, "You?"

"Pretty much the same, I've started the data punching stuff, but I've only got about five pages done." He answered.

"The reason I ask, is because I was thinking about spending tomorrow night just doing work on this, and I was wondering if you'd care to join me?" He offered, he seemed almost nervous which was becoming less shocking for me.

"I-I have work tomorrow." I stuttered a bit, not sure if I was using this as an excuse, or if I was actually upset at the fact I had work.

"What time do you get out?" He asked unfazed.

"Eight." I answered, he smiled,

"Well, if you want to, I don't have a problem with that." He said honestly, I contemplated it for a moment before nodding,

"I'll be by about eight-thirty, if that's okay?" I asked, not wanting to impose,

"That's perfect." He said with a smile, for some reason I couldn't help smiling along with him as we stared at each other, it felt like things were beginning to mend for us, and I think he could sense that as much as I could.

"Well, if it isn't the happy couple." Someone sneered breaking us from our moment, Edward and I both turned to see Tanya staring at us.

**Please please review!! I don't think it's asking too much, is it? I mean seriously if everyone who has already favorited this story reviewed left a review for this ch or the next, it would make such a diff you wouldn't believe, and it'd make me sooooooooo happy!!**


	11. Tempest

**Hey everyone! ahahahahaha I love it when the only bad reviews I get are from people who either don't have accounts or are not using their name so I can't reply (although it's nice to say I haven't gotten many bad reviews(3 total!!)!!) but still I think its funny!!! and to **

Alice Thirslie **thanks a bunch babe!!!**

**xoxo**

**devinerose**

**I own notthing,**

**BEWARE IT"S 3 AM AND I NEED sleep, so aside from spell check I haven't proof read!!!! but I will later today!!**

Edward and I stood there watching Tanya look us up and down before approaching us. Edward put his hand protectively at the small of my back as she slunk over to us.

"Tanya." Edward said curtly.

"Edward." She returned, mocking him before turning to me and glaring.

"What do you want Tanya?" Edward asked impatiently.

"What do I want? What do I _want_?" Her tone of voice made it clear that she was hurt by his question.

"A year and a half of being together when she," She pointed at me as if no one knew who she was talking about,

"Just waltzes in and takes you away from me and you honestly wonder what I want?" As the words escaped her lips I could see her eyes well up with tears that she never let fall. Once again the guilt I felt made me sick to my stomach,

"Tanya, I-" I began, stepping forward,

"Don't talk to me you stupid home wrecking slut!" Tanya accused, and I couldn't really blame her, nevertheless this didn't stop Edward from stepping in front of me, trying to shield me from Tanya's words,

"Tanya, enough." He commanded, his voice hadn't risen, but the sound of it sent chills down my spine, as I'm sure it did Tanya's, who was openly staring up at Edward.

"You really care, about, about this!" Still she felt the need to point at me, "She hurt you, ripped your heart out and tore it to pieces for fun, and I was the one to clean up the mess, I was there for you and you pick her?" She asked incredulously, her ire growing with every word.

"First of all Tanya, don't act so innocent, you think I didn't know about James?" At this Tanya's face paled as Edward loomed over her.

"What? How-I-when-you knew and you-who said that?" She asked after trying to get her words to make sense, Edward just laughed,

"Who do you think? Hey Tanya, just a tip, when you sleep with a guy who hates your boyfriend, keep in mind your boyfriend is bound to find out." Tanya was speechless and offered no objection as Edward continued,

"But see, I knew you felt terrible about it all be cause I knew you, and we still managed to fall back into our normal routine, so I said nothing on the subject. But if you're going to stand here and call into question my objectives without any reaction from me, then you are sorely mistaken." He finished smoothly, causing Tanya's jaw to drop as she stood before us. Clearly she had run out of things to say. Finally she gathered her bearings, ready to get her last word in,

"I'm glad you two are together again," She said to both of us before focusing all of her attention on Edward,

"Hope you're ready for her to hurt you again." She sneered and instead of correcting her of the fact we weren't together, Edward just smiled ad said,

"I'd rather her hurt me over you any day, because at the the good days with her made it worth it." This final slap in the face to Tanya made me feel so happy, despite the fact it shouldn't have, for Tanya's sake. Tanya glared up at him,

"Tell Esme I said thanks for the invite, but I don't think I'll be able to attend Thanksgiving this year." She said as she fought back more tears and stomped back to where she had come from. Edward turned around to look at me after watching her stalk off,

"I'm sorry about that." He apologized,

"Edward it's fine," I said before turning my attention away from the classroom Tanya had just answered, and up to him,

"I'm just surprised at the fact you stayed with her after James." I said looking up at him fully, he smiled sadly,

"She made Alice and Esme happy, which was the least I could do for them," He said as we headed for the door,

"They liked seeing me with some one else after, well," He paused, unsure of how to say what he wanted without hurting me, but it was already too late for that.

"After me." I finished for him bluntly as we approached the doors,

"Edward, I-" I began apologetically, but he held up a hand stopping me,

"Bella, you don't have to say anything, I didn't bring it up to make you feel bad or anything, I was just trying to answer your question." He said, opening the umbrella as we walked outside. The worst of the storm seemed to have past as the rain was just falling in a light drizzle.

"So what are your thanksgiving plans?" Edward asked, I could sense he was trying to change the subject and ease the tension,

"Jake and I are going home for thanksgiving." I said simply,

"That'll be nice." He said softly,

"Yeah, I just want to get home for a bit."

"I know what you mean." He said with his charming crooked smile before continuing,

"And you and Jake are close?" He asked, purposely not looking at me.

"Uh, yeah, he and I have been good friends since I started spending my summers with Charlie." Not a complete lie,

"He's been in Europe for the past few months and he's coming home in time for thanksgiving, since his flight makes a stop in Boston, he wanted to know if I'd ride home with him. How about you, what are your plans?" I asked, trying to keep the attention off of Jake and I.

"Esme's planning a full turkey dinner for us on Thursday, because everyone should be home. Which will be nice, because I haven't seen Alice since we split for school." He said, bringing up his family. I had missed Alice so much after I left, of course I still kept in touch with Rose and Emmet, and according to Rosalie, Alice hated me beyond belief so Rosalie and Emmett never talked about her. She thought I had destroyed her brother, so I couldn't really blame her, but it didn't make me miss her any less,

"How is Alice?" I asked curiously,

"She's good, pursing fashion design up at NYU." He said with a laugh I couldn't help but join in on,

"Of course she would." I said with a smile, "And Jasper?" I asked, I had to know about him to as Rose and Emmett never mentioned him either,

"Good too, he's at Columbia, already planning on being a history major with focuses on the south and the Civil war, so he's happy, plus he and Alice are only a half hour subway ride from each other so they don't mind it at all." He recounted,

"I don't think they could have been apart for too long." I said with a laugh, he smiled,

"Nope, Alice wouldn't let that happen." We were almost at my place, but I was having such a good time, I didn't want it to end,

"What about Carlisle and Esme?"

"Both good, Esme misses us, and Carlisle says works been great, never much to report on with those too." He said as we arrived at my apartment. He walked me up the stairs to the door, taking Elizabeth for me as I searched for my keys. As I looked I couldn't help but ask the one question that had been plaguing me since we finished with Tanya.

"Why didn't you tell Tanya we weren't together?" I asked, his head jerked up from looking at Elizabeth to stare at me. He didn't answer for a moment, as if trying to come up with a response.

"Honestly," He said after a bit, I nodded, "I don't know." He said with a shrug. I nodded again, my hands finally found my keys and I pulled them out,

"Ok, well, I'll see you tomorrow." I said before taking Elizabeth from him and turning to open my door. I pushed it open and looked at him once more,

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." He said before heading down the steps back out into the rain and I went into the hallway.

"Why didn't you ask me about Rose and Emmett?" He called after me. I spun around to see him staring curiously up at me from the middle of the staircase. I froze, I couldn't very well tell him that I had kept in close contact with his brother and his soon to be sister in law without give a reason as to why, I turned back to face him,

"Um, well, Rosalie and I never really got along, and Emmett, well, he and I already had a talk about where he was going." I covered quickly, it was his turn to nod,

"Oh, of course, sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was interrogating you, I just thought it was funny," He said with a smile, I smiled back,

"It's fine."

"Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight." I said before going back in the house and shutting the door. I leaned back against it and let out a sigh of relief when Elizabeth began to stir and I realized she was probably going to need something soon and I headed back upstairs.

* * *

"So you're not in trouble?" Sarah asked as she and I were in the kitchen placing our orders the next night. She and I hadn't seen each other since the incident with Elizabeth as she ended up going to Tim's afterwards, then we both had classes all morning so this was our first chance to talk.

"Nope, I texted Edward and he came over, then we went to see Mr. Verner about it, and he said he'd only take off half credit." I explained, before we headed back out onto the floor, which was particularly crowed for a Thursday.

"So you saw Edward?" She asked, I was ready to answer when a guy at one of my tables flagged me down,

"Hold on," I said to Sarah before I went over to my table and explained the difference between a bowl and a cup of soup. When I was finished I noticed Sarah was also preoccupied with a table so I checked on my other tables until she was done. We met at the bar as we always did when no one needed anything,

"Yes, I saw him, and we both ran into his ex girlfriend." I said with a frown,

"Ugh, the bimbo, what'd she have to say?" She asked,

"Nothing more than accuse me of stealing Edward from her, which I never meant to do." I said honestly,

"I know, but when you fall out of love, or someone falls out of love with you, you're always going to blame someone else. It's just human nature." She said, pulling out her wisdom.

"Still, I feel like she's right, what if I did steal him from her?"

"Bella you can't think like that! Edward made his decision based on what he wanted, you had nothing to do with that." I looked at her skeptically,

"Okay, so maybe you did have something to do with it, but it's not like you meant to." She said

"So have you guys spoken since?" She asked,

"Not yet, but I'm heading to his place after work to do stuff with the project." I said quietly,

"Really? You're going to his house that late, just to study?" She asked skeptically,

"Yes, would there be any other reason?" I asked, despite the fact it was a stupid question, which by her expression I could tell she thought so too. The ringing of a bell let us know our food was ready and there was no more talk on the subject. Work took surprisingly long, but I refused to admit it was because of my plans afterwards that made the clock drag on. I clocked out at eight o'clock on the nose, Sarah just smiled at me and mouthed we'll talk as I waved goodbye to everyone, I smiled back at her and exited the building, as I got outside I was greeted with snow falling lightly around me. I reached out and caught a flake in my hand, it melted quickly, but still, it was really winter, the first snow had officially come. I pulled my coat tighter against me and I walked over to Edward's apartment, which thankfully wasn't to far from work.

I ran the buzzer and he came down within minutes to let me in,

"Sorry," He said, "The buzzer's broken, so I couldn't let you in from upstairs." He said, then he looked up,

"It's snowing?" He asked, I laughed,

"Yep, I guess you got what you wanted," he smiled at me before stepping aside and letting me in.

"I haven't gotten any dinner yet, so have you eaten or do you want to order with me?" He asked as we approached his door,

"I'm starved." I said easily, he laughed as we entered his apartment,

"Perfect, what are you in the mood for?" He asked as he took my coat from me.

"Anything really,"

"Bella, I'm going to need a little more than, 'Anything'." He teased as he led me into the kitchen where all his books and papers were spread out on the kitchen table,

"Seriously Edward, I really don't care." I said taking a seat at the table as he pulled out menus,

"Fine," He said with a grin, "Pizza it is." He headed for the telephone,

"What do you want on it?" He asked as he dialed the number,

"Whatever you're having, I don't have any dislikes." He smiled at me and didn't argue as he put the phone to his ear and placed an order for a large cheese pizza.

"It'll be about a half an hour." Edward said after hanging up and joining me at the table.

"Okay, so I've been cataloguing every bottle and diaper we used based on what you gave me, and here's what I've gotten." He said passing me his calculations,

"Money wise we seem to be okay." He said assuredly,

"Thanks to your job. What would we do without you." I said playfully, he laughed,

"So did you get any farther in your paper with these?" I asked as I pulled out my supplies.

"Yeah, I managed to get out twenty pages," He said modestly, my jaw dropped.

"I think it's safe to say I hate you." I teased, but something flashed in his eyes that made me think he took it deeper than I had meant him to, I opened my mouth to take it back, but he just laughed,

"Well if you want you can work on your paper while I finish up the rest of the number crunching." I didn't want him to have to do it alone, but I really did have to get working on the paper if I was going to be done and with star worthy quality by next week, so I consented. He and I worked in silence until the pizza arrived when we took a break to eat.

"Do you want to just sit on the counter instead of trying to move al that stuff?" He asked as I attempted to clear the table of the slew of papers.

"Yeah, that'd probably be a better idea." I said as I met him at the counter

"How much further have you gotten?" He asked as he grabbed plates while I opened the pizza box.

"Page and a half." I answered simply, taking the plate he handed me and hopping up onto the counter,

"Not bad for half an hour." He said following my lead, only on the other side of the pizza box. I smiled and pulled out a slice,

"How is the math going?" I asked, as he still wasn't done.

"It's just number crunching, but I should be done soon, then I could hopefully finish my paper by tonight, because I think I can write about 'What I learned from this project' without having to finish it." He said with a smile, I laughed,

"Yeah, then you'll be done, lucky you." I teased,

"I can help you with your paper if you want." He offered kindly, but I shook my head,

"No, I'll be fine, it's just a matter of sitting down and doing it, you know?" I asked rhetorically, but he nodded anyway, taking a bite out of his pizza. We finished our food and put our plates in the sink and I caught a glimpse of the weather out side,

"Maybe I should get back." I said walking over to look out the window, I didn't want to go, but I also didn't want to walk home later, just in case it got worse,

"It looks pretty bad out," He said, coming over to look out the window from behind me, "Why don't you stay a while longer, it might get better." He said logically, I nodded turning to face him, only to find our bodies inches apart. I felt the urge to reach out and run my hands up and down his muscular chest as he pressed me against the wall and kissed my brains out like he used to, I cursed myself for getting into this predicament once more,

"Um, we should, uh finish our work." I said lamely, trying to get those thoughts out of my head with no luck, he nodded, looking as disappointed as I felt, and we went back over to the table and continued working for another few hours at twelve I hit the 25 page mark and looked outside to see the window sill half covered in snow, and I finally registered the howling going on outside. I made my way over to the window, it was a complete mess outside, the streets must have had at least half a foot of snow covering them and it was still snowing torrents,

"Oh no." I moaned, causing Edward to look up from his computer,

"What-" He began before looking past me out the window and seeing my dilemma.

"Jeez," He said standing up,

"I have to go." I said, rushing to pack up my things,

"What?" He asked, I looked up to find him staring at me as though I were crazy,

"I have to get home." I said obviously.

"Bella, there's a blizzard out side, and," He checked his watched, "It's past midnight." He said,

"You can stay here for tonight." He said simply, but he and I both knew there was nothing simple about that.

"I don't think that's-" I began to protest, he smiled and cut me off,

"The fact that you think this is up for discussion is funny."

"Edward, really, you and I sleeping in the same room is not-" Once again, he didn't allow me to finish, only this time he cut me off with a laugh,

"Bella, calm down, I'm not suggesting we stay in the same room, you can take my bed, and I'll take the pull out couch, okay. Look, could you just do this for me, please?" He asked, I could tell he was really worried about me,

"I'll sleep on the couch," I said forcefully, not wanting to make this any harder by taking his bed, he nodded,

"If that's what it'll take you to stay, fine by me." He said with a smile, I set my bag back down on the floor,

"You wouldn't happen to have something I could borrow would you?" I asked curiously,

"Sure, why don't you head to the living room and I'll grab you something." He said, before heading to his room. I did as he said, I went to the living room and waited on the couch as he said. It wasn't long before he came back and handed me a large t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

"Thanks." I said taking them from him,

"Let me pull out the couch, then you can have the space to yourself." He instructed, I nodded and helped him take the cushions off the couch, then moving out of the way as he pulled out the metal frame with a mattress already made up. He stood back and look at me,

"Do you need anything else, can I get you anything?" He offered,

"No, I'm fine." I said quietly, the last time he and I had a sleepover, it was in his arms the night of the costume party, the night we had made love. It felt weird, knowing he would be asleep in the other room, and I couldn't go to him.

"Alright, well, goodnight." He said softly.

"Goodnight." I said then watched him walk out of the room, leaving me alone. Once I heard his door shut I sat down on the bed with a sigh. It was a few moments before I was capable of moving enough to get ready. I closed my eyes and pulled off my shirt, but when I opened them again, it was just as dark as when they were closed. _Oh great_, I thought to myself. It must have been a power outage, and the lack of windows in Edward's living room made it impossible to see anything. I heard foot steps coming towards me,

"Edward?" I called out,

"Yeah, it's me. Where are you?" He asked, I could tell he was as blind as I was.

"Right here if that's any help." I said, I could hear him laugh. I stood up, reaching for him,

"Say something." He said,

"I'm standing in front of the-ooffh!" I said when Edward collided with me, forcing me back onto the bed, with him on top of me,

"My toe got caught on the rug." He apologized,

"It's okay." I said, but at that moment we both realized the situation we were in, both of us were shirtless, on top of each other in a bed. He made to get up, but in doing so his hips brushed mine and I let out an involuntary moan at the feeling off it. I was going to apologize, but before I could Edward's lips were on mine and my hands were entangled in his hair.

**Guys IMPORTANT!!! I've gotten couple requests to read stories, and i would be honored to do so, but please pm me about them because if you review, I go back when I have time to read, but then I cant find ur review and ur name and it sucks!! so please please pm me cuz I would love to read whatever you guys have!!!**

**just a heads up, i hate using the words made love, soap operas totally ruined that for me, I honestly don't think they're allowed to say sex! anyways, REVIEW!!!! seriously!!! if you've favorited this story or want me to update!!!!, review!!!!**


	12. Christmas Song

**Hey everyone! I know trying to talk to you now is near impossible so I'll just say this quick, thanks so much to Alice, K.T., Emily, Fan, Jacqueline, Wendy, Isabelle, and Nikki, y'alls the best!!!! **

**xoxo**

**devinerose**

**I own nothing recognizable!!!**

His lips were soft and forceful against mine, I untangled my hands from his hair and let them wander to his shoulders and down his bare back. His hands trailed down my sides until he reached my hips, slipping them under my butt and yanking me into him, we both moaned into each others mouths, as he squeezed me,

"Mmm," I groaned, not wanting him to stop, when all of a sudden, he rolled us over so I was now on top. Our tongues continued to dance for a while longer until he detached his lips from mine. Then he sat up with me still in his arms, I wrapped my legs around his back, pulling us even closer. He used one hand to brush my hair off my neck and expose the skin to him. His lips quickly attached themselves, and my hands wound up tangled in his hair once more as his traveled to my hips, yanking me so close to him there wasn't a single inch of me that wasn't touching him.

As he kissed, I began to move my hips back and forth mere inches, but it was enough to make us both groan, as he used his hands to steady my hips as he pushed forward into me. My head fell backwards as I was loosing the control to hold it up, this didn't bother him and I felt him smile against my skin before his teeth nipped gently at the taught skin above by collar bone.

"Edward." I moaned, at that his lips were back on mine as he leaned back, and rolled us over so he was on top once again, his nimble fingers moved from my thighs to the clasp of my jeans, just as he was about to undo the button, the lights flickered back on, causing us to stop. We both groaned as the light pierced our eyes, I immediately squinted mine shut, waiting for my pupils to adjust. I felt Edward roll off of me and to the same. When I felt like I was ready, I blinked a couple of times, testing to see if it still hurt. It stung a bit, but nothing terrible. I squinted at Edward to find him doing the same thing. Our eyes me and we both realized at the same time what could have almost happened.

I felt sick to my stomach for betraying Jake, who I had completely forgotten, and for betraying Edward, by not telling him about Jake, but at the exact same time, I felt like I was floating on the clouds. My mix of feelings made it hard for me to focus on anything, there were so many things I had to fix based solely on one moment, that it completely overwhelmed me,

"Bella," Edward began, breaking me from my internal struggle, I looked up at him, waiting for him to say something, anything.

"I'm sorry." He finally said, I was confused, he continued,

"I shouldn't have kissed you like that. It was-" He began, but I cut him off,

"Edward, please don't say it was wrong for my sake. I wanted it, and please don't think other wise. For it to have gotten," I paused trying to think of the right word to say, "That out of hand, it took the both of us." Now was the time to tell him, before anything else happened, no matter how scared I was of what he would do, I had to tell him the truth now,

"Edward, there's something I have to tell you." I said, my voice was full of fear and he could tell,

"What is it?" He asked softly,

"I-I" I began trying to figure out how to tell him everything I had kept hidden from him,

"Edward I li-" I was cut off by the sound of jingling keys in the door. Edward and I looked at each other panicked before we scrambled to put our clothes on. We both managed to be fully dressed when we heard the sound of Tim's voice,

"Hey Edward, did you see the power-Oh Bella, Edward." His tone changed when he rounded the corner and saw Edward standing next to me as I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hey guys." He said slowly, frozen by the sight before him. We were both out of breath, our hair disheveled and the sheets behind us were in a obvious state of disarray. I stood up and pulled my hair into a ponytail,

"Hey Tim," I said,

"Bella, you're still here." He said, stating the obvious, but it came out like a question.

"Yeah, it got late, then the blizzard started, plus the black out, so Edward suggested I stay here." I explained, Tim nodded and the three of us stood in silence,

"Right, well, this is awkward. I'm going to go to bed," He jerked his thumbs behind him, as he headed in that direction,

"And I'll see you guys in the morning." He said before completely exiting the room. Edward and I turned to face each other, as well as what happened.

"Oh and Bella, you're shirt is inside out!" We heard Tim call from down the hall before we also heard his door shut. His words broke the tension between Edward and we both laughed.

"It's late, and a lots happened," Edward said simply for such an eventful evening.

"So we should get some sleep." I wanted so badly to outright say what I had been trying to say, but the only thing that came out was,

"You're right, that would probably be best."

"Alright well, goodnight." He said with a peaceful smile, completely unaware of everything I had tried to say.

"Goodight." I watched as he walked out of the room, waiting for his door to click shut before flopping back onto the bed, listening to the howling of the wind as it brought the first snow of the year. While a part of me was troubled, for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep smiling.

* * *

I woke up freezing and disoriented. I rubbed my eyes to remove the sleep then reached for my phone on my bedside table, only there was no bed side table. The nights events came back in a rush that made my head spin. I was still in my clothes from the night before, my shirt still inside out, and I was chilled to the bone. I sat up and rubbed my arms, trying to create enough friction to warm me up, but it was useless. There were noises coming from the kitchen, and I got up to see who was awake.

Tim stood at the stove with his back to me, singing and dancing along to Christmas carols playing on his computer while he flipped whatever was in the pan.

"Isn't it a little early for that?" I teased as I entered the kitchen. Startled, he jumped a bit before realizing it was only me and he turned back to his food.

"Come on Bella, it's never to early for a home cooked breakfast." He said with a grin,

"You know what I mean." I laughed, gesturing to the music as I headed to the window to assess the damage from the snowstorm, there had to have been at least a foot of snow outside, and it was still untouched, even by plows,

"It's a family tradition, first snow begins the Christmas carols, and I uphold that tradition." I turned to see him holding his spatula in the air with one hand, and the other over his heart, I laughed,

"Hey, do you think we'll have classes today?"

"We'll have classes, but no teachers, at least not for your first few classes,"

"Oh well, I don't have a class till two anyway." The plus side to the baby project was that Mr. Verner didn't require us to come to class,

"Lucky you." Tim said, I nodded with a shiver,

"Cold?" Tim asked with half a smile as he flipped the bacon in one of the pans.

"Freezing." I answered simply,

"Should I go and get Edward to come and help warm you up?" He teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively,

"No thanks." I said rolling my eyes at him, he laughed,

"There's a pot of coffee over there." He said using the spatula to point to a pot of bubbling coffee on the counter behind me. I looked around trying to remember where the cups were.

"In there," he pointed once more to the cabinet above the sink,

"Bella, can I ask you something?" He asked as I grabbed a mug,

"Sure." I said nervously as I poured coffee into my cup,

"What are you doing with Edward?" He asked seriously as he scrambled eggs. I set the pot back on the burner and turned back to face Tim with the cup in my hands.

"I don't know Tim, and I wish I did, because I know that when I'm with him, I am the happiest person in the world, it's as if the past year and a half never happened, but at the same time, I'm not going to lie and say that I don't have feelings for Jake, because I do, it's just the more I spend time with Edward, the harder it gets to make a logical decision." I explained, telling him the whole truth, he smiled sadly,

"Bella, you don't get it do you, love has nothing to do with logic, it is possibly one of the most illogical functions we willingly partake in. So you can't think with your head," he said, I knew he was trying to help, but he was telling me to do something that wasn't simple. I had already tried to think with my heart, but every time I did, my mind leapt to the consequences of all my decisions, and how it would effect other's feelings.

"You still love him though, don't you?" Tim asked, I couldn't say the words out loud, but nevertheless, I nodded, because I did still, love him, I just didn't know what to do.

"Well, I can promise you this, because of that, you'll figure out what to do." He said sincerely before turning back to his food. I contemplated Tim's words as I took a sip of my coffee. It immediately warmed me, at the same time it caused my face to pucker when I remembered I had yet to put in any sugar or cream.

"In the fridge." I looked up to see Edward standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a wide smile on his face. I glanced quickly at Tim who seemed as surprised as I was by Edward's quiet entrance. He was holding Elizabeth in his arms with a bottle in her mouth,

"Thanks." I said as I walked over to the fridge, the sugar was on the door, while the cream was on the top shelf. I pulled both out and brought them back to the counter where I left my coffee.

"So Timmy what's for breakfast?" Edward asked walking over to Tim, seeming much more cheerful than normal, which was enough to deduce that he hadn't heard my conversation with Tim.

"Wouldn't you like to know. Now go set the table, breakfast is ready." Tim responded playfully as he scooped scrambled eggs into a bowl, and bacon onto a large plate. Edward turned to me,

"She just finished her bottle, will you take her while I get plates?" He asked,

"Of course." I said and he handed Elizabeth to me. As he did our hands touched and instead of immediately pulling back as we had done, our hands lingered together for a moment as we smiled secretively at each other before separating. He grabbed plates from the cabinet behind me and set them out on the table as Tim brought the food over and I took a seat with Elizabeth.

"Gather round," Tim said as Edward took a seat across from me, "Ok, so for breakfast today we have scrambled eggs with four cheeses, fresh red peppers, and sauteed onions, with applewood smoked bacon," He said before pausing, going to the fridge and coming back with orange juice,

"And fresh from the box, tropicana OJ." He said setting the box in front of us and sitting down.

"Dig in." He said as he reached for the bacon,

"Tim this looks delicious," I complemented as Edward passed me the eggs, while Nat King Cole's Christmas Song came on,

"I love this song," I said softly, the boys looked to me and I explained, "When I was little my dad and I would dance to this song every Christmas I got to spend with him, we don't do it any more, but I can still remember it as a little girl." I said, looking at my plate, spacing out as I remembered my father spinning me around the living room. I could feel the smile spreading over my lips,

"But anyways," I said returning back to the here and now, Tim stood up unexpectedly and held out a hand to me, I looked up at him puzzled.

"Would you care to dance?" He asked, I laughed,

"I have the baby!" I said as an excuse, even though I really wanted to, Tim took Elizabeth out of my hands and handed her to Edward,

"Problem solved, now get up because I would like to dance with you." He said with a grin, I laughed again and took his hand. With one hand on my waist and the other in mine, he and I started to spin around the room uncoordinatedly. We stepped on each other's toes with each move we made, causing us both to laugh hysterically, which of course made it even harder to dance,

"Oh by the way, I forgot to mention, I'm a terrible dancer." Tim laughed with me as he dipped me so I could see Edward laughing at us from upside down.

"Yeah, just a bit." I commented,

"You two are terrible." Edward laughed from the table,

"Oh, oh you think you could do better?" Tim teased pulling me back up,

"A blind squirrel could do better than you!"

"Alright, Edward's turn!" Tim exclaimed, letting me go and taking the baby from Edward's hands.

"Let's see," Tim said egging Edward on as he leaned back against the counter,

"This is how you do it," Edward said taking me in his arms and we flowed around the kitchen easily,

"Look at your mommy and daddy dance," Tim said, turning Elizabeth to face us, Edward and I both laughed as we continued to dance. The thought of our baby popped into my head, but it didn't hurt as much, not while I was in Edward's arms. I let him pull me closer as we danced until the song finished, which was when Tim started clapping, reminding me of Emmett,

"And that is how you dance." Edward teased, Tim laughed and I let Edward pull me in for a hug before the three of us sat down once more,

"Thank you," I said to both of them, while I took a bite of my eggs, it tasted like heaven,

"This is amazing Tim," Tim smiled at my comment, "So this is what you're treated to every morning?" I teased Edward while reaching for the bacon,

"Psh, yeah right, I do breakfast once a month and it was supposed to be next weekend, but I figured since we had company." Tim explained winking at me, I couldn't help but laugh. I felt Edward's eyes on me but I brushed away the feeling after glancing quickly over at him, and finding him preoccupied with his plate.

"And normally we'd have pancakes too, but because of the snow, and I didn't know you'd be here, I didn't buy the stuff we need." Tim apologized,

"Totally fine Tim, my normal breakfast consists of Sarah and I eating cereal and some-"

"Oh shit!" Tim interrupted, causing Edward and I to look at him,

"What? What's wrong?" I asked surprised by his outburst,

"Sarah." Was all he said, I looked to Edward puzzled, he shrugged,

"What about Sarah?" I asked, seriously worried now,

"She said she tried you a bunch of times and you didn't answer, so she called me looking for you, I told her I'd call her if you were here, then I totally spaced." Tim explained, causing me to groan,

"My phone was off for work, I forgot to turn it back on." I said, getting up and trying to find my phone unsuccessfully,

"Edward have you seen my phone?" I asked when I couldn't find it,

"Did you try your bag?" He asked helpfully, I went into the living room where my bag was sitting on the floor next to the bed. I took a seat on the bed and rummaged through my bag until I found my phone. There were thirteen missed calls from Sarah, three from Jake, and surprisingly enough, one from Charlie. I saved Jake and Charlie for when I got home, and steeled my self to talk to Sarah as I dialed her number.

"Where have you been?" She shouted after the second ring,

"I'm sorry, my phone was on silent, I didn't know you called." I apologized,

"Do you know how worried I've been, there is a foot of snow on the ground and I wasn't sure if you were under it or not!" She said angrily,

"I'm sorry," She apologized when I didn't answer, "But I was really worried, then when Tim never called, so I knew you weren't at their house, where are you?" She asked worriedly,

"I'm at Edward's." I answered quietly, not wanting to tell her as it would get Tim in trouble, but I had no choice. It was silent for a moment before she said anything,

"What?" She asked flatly, I could tell she was beyond angry,

"Put Tim on the phone please." She requested, I carried the phone back into the kitchen, both boys looked up at me breaking from the conversation. I held out the phone for Tim and his eyes went wide. He got up and took the phone as if proceeding to the guillotine,

"Hello?" He answered with a gulp, both Edward and I could hear her muffled shouts as Tim excused himself from the room after handing me Elizabeth. I sat back down at the table,

"Is she really pissed?" Edward asked as he took a bite of bacon,

"Oh yeah, at least I had an excuse, I don't know what she's going to do to Tim." I said finishing off my eggs, Edward laughed,

"Yeah, Tim can be pretty forgetful sometimes, but it's not his fault, I'm sure she'll give him a break."

"I hope you're right. I just don't know why he didn't remember to call her last night." I said,

"I think the answer to that is pretty obvious." He said breaking the last slice of bacon in half and handing a piece to me. I took it from him and we both fell silent,

"Last night-"

"Look about-" We both began at the same time, I smiled, and he laughed,

"Go ahead," He said politely,

"About last night," I began, only I was stopped by Tim's reentrance into the room. He handed me my phone, clearly worn out from his conversation with Sarah,

"How bad was it?" I asked as he slumped into his chair,

"When you get home, could you put in a good word for me, because I'm going to need it." Tim said with a sigh,

"That bad huh?" I asked, glancing at Edward who was fighting back a smile,

"That bad." Tim confirmed, Edward laughed, standing up and giving Tim's shoulder a squeeze,

"You'll be fine." He said before taking his plate and putting it in the sink,

"Exactly," I said getting up as well to hug Tim, "She'll get over it, and things will be better by the next time you two talk, I promise."

"Yeah, I hope you're right." He sighed,

"I know I am." I gave him a loving kiss on the top of his head, "I'd better be getting home before she gets any angrier." I said reluctant to leave.

"I'll walk you." Edward offered wiping dish water off his hands, I didn't protest to his kindness, although, normally I would have.

"You're going to need something warmer than that, Bella." Tim commented, I looked down at my bare feet, jeans and two long sleeve shirts,

"Yeah you're probably right." I agreed with a smile. Twenty minutes later, I was near boiling as I waited by the door for Edward dressed in my own outfit along with two other sets of jeans, four flannel shirts, a sweatshirt, a down winter jacket, a vest, two scarves, and a pair of oversized boots. Edward and Tim had both laughed at the sight of what they had done to me,

"At least you'll be warm." Tim laughed as we left. Edward and I trudged back slowly through the snow, side by side,

"Tell Tim I said thanks for taking Elizabeth again." I said making conversation,

"I figured it'd be simpler than hiking through the snow with her, plus she's starting to grow on Tim." Edward laughed,

"He did seem pretty at home with her didn't he?" Edward nodded,

"He is the oldest of twelve, so I'm sure that had something to do with it." He said easily, as if it were no big deal, however my jaw dropped and I stopped in my tracks,

"Wait, what?" I asked confused, not ever having heard this before. Edward stopped and smiled,

"His mother had him, his brother, and sister then his father died. His mother remarried and then they had nine kids. Tim's not the biggest fan of his step father, but he loves his siblings, being around Elizabeth is the close he can get to what he had before he started school," Edward guessed with a shrug,

"I know how he feels." I muttered softly, not intending for Edward to hear it, but nevertheless he did,

"Hm?"

"Oh, it's nothing, but wow, twelve?" I asked distracting him.

"That's what I said when I found out for the first time." We both laughed and continued on through the snow, turning up my street. It was pristine and absolutely empty, which gave me an idea,

"Would you do something with me?" I asked, not tearing my attention away from the quiet street,

"Sure." He answered, but still it sounded like a question, with a childish giggle, I took his hand and pulled him out into the middle of the road,

"Bella, what are you-we can't," I let go of his hand and refused to listen to his protests as ran further into the street and began spinning around in the snow.

"What are you doing?" His tone questioned my sanity, but I ignored it with a laugh as I picked up a giant hand full of snow and began to throw it in the air while I continued to spin. As I did, my feet got tangled together and I wound up flat on my back surrounded by a half foot wall of snow, which only made me laugh harder,

"Bella!" I heard Edward call mixed with the sounds of rushed footsteps crunching in the snow.

"Bella, are you okay?" He asked once he was right next, to me, squatting by my side so he wouldn't get snow on himself, I sat up and with a mischievous giggle, I pushed him backwards so he lost his balance and ended up in the snow next to me. He struggled for a bit before he was able to get up, and I laughed even harder at the sight of him covered in snow. I was laughing so hard my eyes I couldn't keep my eyes open and my stomach was beginning to ache. My laughing abruptly stopped when I felt an ice cold thwack as loosely packed snowball collied with my chest. My eyes popped open to find Edward sitting across from me with a devilish smirk on his lips. Without thinking I began to pack my own snowball, as I did I heard him scramble to get up, but it was too late my ammo was ready. I took the best aim I could, and nailed him square in the back. He whipped around to face me, the look in his eyes told me to run. I began to crawl away from him as quickly as I could, still laughing hysterically, but it was no use, I watched him bend over to pick up snow and without even bothering to pack it together, he raced over to me and threw it into the air above my head, causing it to come down in a sheet over my entire body. I sputtered the snow out of my mouth, and tried to push it out of my eyes as I heard him flop into the snow next to me, out of breath. Once I got all the snow out, I turned to him,

"Truce?" I asked holding out my hand, he considered it for a moment before shaking my hand with a smile, then laying back down in the snow. I followed his lead, I could feel the cold surrounding me but I didn't care as I stared up at the sun glittering off of the spindly snow covered branches of the trees above, and listened to the silence that was permeated only by our breathing.

"Edward?" I asked,

"Yeah?" He responded, but his voice was muffled by the snow,

"I have to tell you something," I said bravely, there was a pause before I heard a scraping sound by my ear, I turned to see what it was, the snow wall I was surround by toppled, leaving a clear path for me to see just Edward's face as he retracted his hand and waited for me to say something,

"What is it?" He pushed gently, his green eyes meeting mine expectantly,

"I'm scared." This shocked him,

"About what?" His concern for me made me feel even worse than I had before, and I didn't want to ruin this, not the childish fun we just had, and were still having, together. Which was something I hadn't had in a long time,

"This paper," I lied, looking away from him, "with the points we'll be deducted, I'm scared for our grade." I couldn't bare to meet his piercing gaze, but I could feel it anyway.

"Bella, you never have to hide anything from me, you know that right." He said, I wanted to believe him so badly, but I couldn't. If I did, I'd lose all of what I had now, and I didn't want that. It'd be like losing Edward for a second time, and I wasn't sure if I was fully capable of handling that.

Edward got me home eventually, after noticing my lips had turned blue, but I hadn't cared I was having fun. After that day, things were different between Edward and I, it felt like there was a different understanding between us. Nothing physical happened, but everything had changed, it felt like it had when we had been together. Throughout the final week of our project, we spent as much time together as we could, working on finishing our project, and it was nice to just be around him again. But Friday came around sooner than I would have liked.

Edward and I met up outside of his apartment and the two of us walked to class more down trodden than usual, neither of us wanting to comment on the fact that we now had no reason to spend time together outside of classes. As it was his final class of the day, Mr. Verner only required that we hand in our projects then enjoy our vacation, something I didn't think would be altogether possible for me. Knowing that once I gave Verner the baby and walked out the classroom door, I was Jacob's girlfriend again, not that I hadn't been before, but without Edward around, it just made it more noticeable. Edward and I were one of the last pairs to go, giving Mr. Verner a chance to ask us how everything went,

"It went great." I said, handing him Elizabeth and my paper. While I knew it was irrational to be so attached, it was hard to just let her go the way I had to.

"You two don't look like this went great." Mr. Verner commented, I didn't realize our despair was that obvious, I forced a smile and Edward answered him smoothly,

"We're just worried about that half grade deduction." Mr. Verner nodded understandingly,

"I was actually considering that, I've decided to just take off a few points, because it wasn't really your fault." Edward and I both thanked him graciously before wishing him a happy holiday and walking out the door.

"So I guess this is it." Edward said as he held the door for me and we stepped out onto the street,

"Yeah, I guess so." We stood facing each other, hoping the other would say something, give them reason to stay, but neither of us did.

"Well, I'm this way." I said jerking a thumb behind me,

"And I'm not." He said softly,

"Alright, well, I'll see you around." I said awkwardly,

"Bye." He said and to that we both turned and began the walk to our separate homes. I was all the way across the street when I heard someone call my name,

"Bella wait!" I turned to find Edward jogging towards me,

"Yeah?" I asked hopefully,

"Let's do something to celebrate." He suggested, and I felt my heart soar,

"Okay, what'd you have in mind?"

"I have no clue," He said with a laugh, "I was hoping you might have an idea." He admitted, I laughed,

"I have to drop my bag off anyway, so why don't we go to my place, and then we can come up with something from there?" I offered, he nodded and the two of us walked the familiar path back to my house, running through possible ideas as we went.

"I have to warn you,"I began once we got to my door, "It's been so hectic with that project, the house is a bit of a mess." He laughed,

"I think I can handle it." He teased,

"Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you." I said opening the door to reveal a sparklingly clean apartment,

"What-" I began, but was startled into silence by someone screaming,

"Surprise!"

I was swooped off my feet and into a familiar pair of arms. Lips crashed down on mine before I could say anything, and when they finally pulled away from me, I was given the chance to fully comprehend what had just happened. I felt my heart crash through my stomach,

"J-Jake?"

**Hehehehe REVIEW!!! seriously, the more reviews, the faster i update!!!**

**I was ready to update yesterday, but stupid fanfic was own so I couldn't, sorry!!**


	13. Thinking Of You

**Hey everyone!!! UH-MAZING NEWS!!! I'm DONE with college crap!!!!! No more work for school, so I can finally spend time with this story!!!**

**2 Things**

**Please check out Azure treasures!! They make the absolute BEST twilight jewelry ever, I have a few of their items, so please go check it out!!!**

**.com/shop/AzureTreasures**

**Oh and if you haven't seen Roswell, omg u need too!! Gaahhhh even more uhmazing, it takes a while for the main characters to get together, but it is so worth it!!! So after this you must go and find it!!**

**xoxo,**

**DeViNeRoSe**

I could barely move. I could feel Edward's presence behind me, as well as the reality of Jacob's arms wrapped around my waist as he leaned in to kiss me again. I tried to think of ways to get out of the situation I was in, but there was nothing. This couldn't be happening I tried convincing myself, I shut my eyes tightly hoping that when I opened them I would be in Edward's arms and Jacob was nothing more than a bad dream.

"Bella, you okay?" Jake asked,

"W-what? Um yes, I'm uh, Jake what are you doing here?" I stuttered, his smiled broadened,

"I came down early to surprise you." He said with a simple shrug, "What, a boyfriend can't surprise the woman he loves?" He asked rhetorically, before pulling me into his arms again and spinning me around once,

"I've missed you so much." He hugged me to him as tight as he could. I looked over to Edward trying to explain as much as I could with my eyes, but he was looking determinedly away from me. If Jake hadn't been holding me up I would have fallen to the floor crying, I had never meant for this to happen. Jacob noticed my distraction,

"Oh, I'm sorry," He said holding out a hand to Edward, "I'm Jacob Black." I waited for Edward reaction, he took a deep breath and smiled as he took Jake's hand in his,

"Edward, Edward Cullen." I was almost positive that I could hear a click go off in Jacob's brain as he realized who he was shaking hands with,

"Well, well, the infamous Edward Cullen." I could feel Jake's hand tighten around my waist despite his cocky attitude,

"I've heard a lot about you too." The way the words came out, so slimy and arrogant, anyone could tell he was intimidated by Edward,

"I don't know why you're worried, she has no feelings for me what so ever, and never has so," Edward said darkly, and I felt my heart tear in two at how serious he sounded. There was no hint of a lie behind his words, he meant every one of them, and it killed me.

"Yeah, I know, you were just summer fun, what do I have to be worried about?" Jake said spitefully, knowing exactly what had happened last summer, I watched as each word ate away at Edward.

"Jacob!" I exclaimed,

"No Bella, it's fine, it's not like he's saying anything I don't know. I'll see you around." He said defeatedly before turning for the door,

"Edward wait!" I said, but he didn't stop, he opened the door and walked out, shutting it quietly behind him. I made to follow, but Jacob's hand on my wrist stopped me,

"Bella, would you care to explain?" He asked, I pulled my hand out of his grasp and raced after Edward without a single glance back at Jake as I shut the door behind me. I ran down the steps and managed to catch up with Edward at the outer door.

"Edward, please!" I called, stopping him by grabbing hold of his jacket. He spun around his eyes were devoid of anything other than pain and anger, I took a step back, scared.

"What Bella?" He asked glaring at me. The way his eyes met mine made it harder for me to speak but I did anyway,

"Edward, I'm so sorry, I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how, I care about you so much, I didn't-"

"You never cared about me Bella, don't start now." He said harshly before turning to leave, I felt like I had been smacked, and that pissed me off,

"That's not true!" I exclaimed, he stopped, turning back around to face me, shocked by my outburst,

"I wanted to tell you so badly about Jake, I tried so many times, but something either stopped me, or I couldn't do it because I knew it would open the possibility of losing you again, and I couldn't-"

"Again? _Losing_ me again? Bella, you never lost me before, you didn't want me and you didn't care about me so you walked out. So don't give me that bullshit." He said turning for the door,

"I didn't walk out, I never wanted to leave." I said quickly, causing him to stop.

"What? Bella, what the hell are you talking about?" He asked, facing me again,

"Edward I never stopped loving you." I said, reaching out to cup his face in my hand, my heart felt so much lighter telling him the truth of it all. I watched as his eyes drifted close, as if in peace. Then Edward's hand reached up to take hold of my wrist, he used the pad of his thumb to stroke the back of my hand sweetly,

"You never started." He said his eyes opening as he pushed my hand back down at my side, "Goodbye Bella," He said before walking out the door altogether. I felt sick, I had tried to tell him the truth, and he didn't want to hear it. I felt myself slowly slump to the floor numbly, I sat there for a few moments before I heard Jake's footsteps on the stairs and I pushed myself up. Once he reached me I was still a little bit shaky as I tried to stand, I leaned back against the wall,

"Where is he?" Jake asked as he got closer,

"He's gone," I said omitting the rest of Edward's painful words,

"Good riddance," I glared at him.

"Yes, well now you don't have to worry," I snapped, he took a deep breath and let out a sigh before leaning back against the wall next to me,

"I was never worried Bella," I rolled my eyes and he laughed, "Okay, yeah maybe I was but it was mainly for you, I know this hurts, I can only imagine how much, but I think, that maybe it was for the best. You need to move on, and I always knew you couldn't do that when there was any chance of you two getting back together. But you've got me now, and I won't ever leave. I love you Bella, please believe that." He said so softly and sincerely that when he wrapped his arm comfortingly around my shoulders I didn't pull away,

"Come on, why don't we head back upstairs, we can just hang out, you can give me the tour okay?" He offered kindly. I nodded and let him guide me up the stairs back to the apartment, just outside the door, he took my hand lovingly in his as he opened the door. I showed him around the apartment and we ended up watching a movie in my room until I had to go to work.

"Call in sick." Jake said as he laid back on my bed while I got dressed, I laughed,

"I can't my boss would kill me. Besides, I'll be back in a few hours all you have to do is hang out here, or you could go out, which ever." I said as I slid on my shirt. I walked over to the bed and kissed him once,

"You going to be okay?" He asked once we separated,

"It'll take time, but I hope so." I said sadly, even though it didn't feel like I was trying, it felt like I was giving up, he nodded,

"I won't leave you."

"I know," I smiled, "Now, I _have_ to go."

"Fine, but hurry back." He smiled letting go of me.

"I will." Being with Jake made the pain of losing Edward for a second time hurt less, he was familiar, comfortable and I knew he would always be there. By the time I had gotten to Paragon I had made up my mind, I wouldn't chase after someone who didn't want me. I told Edward the truth and he had thrown it in my face. As I worked I couldn't help but consider my situation, I had wanted to break up with Jake, because I had thought that I had no more feelings for him, and there was some semblance of a chance with Edward. But, seeing Jake again made me realize that it wasn't that simple, I still had deep feelings for Jake, that weren't going to go away just because I dumped him. Seeing him again woke up all those feelings that I had had for him, and Edward walking out eliminated any reason for me to leave Jake.

"Okay, this wasn't what I was expecting as far as reaction-to-your-boyfriend-surprising-you goes," Sarah said, coming up to me at the bar after I finished my shift, "So, what happened?"

"I was with Edward when I got to the house." I said calmly.

"And?" She pushed,

"I never told him about Jake." I said looking down at the counter ashamed.

"Oh." She said softly,

"Yeah, 'oh'." I sighed, "Edward got really mad and walked out, saying he wanted nothing more to do with me, even thought I told him the truth, and I'm starting to think that maybe it's for the best."

"For the best?" Sarah asked,

"Jake's safer."

"The point behind that is?" She asked,

"Jake makes me happy, he's not going to walk out."

"He makes you perfectly happy?" She asked skeptically, one eye brow raised,

"In the real world, some people just have to accept and make due with adequate happiness." I said honestly, she laughed.

"Okay, enough with the cult classic words of wisdom okay?"

"Sarah please, this, this is hard enough already. I am trying, okay? He doesn't want me and it's time to accept that, because there is someone who does, and I'm not going to give that up."

"Alright," She said sadly, "Look, I'm going to spend the night at Tim's, give you guys some space. So I'll see you in the morning, okay?" I nodded getting up,

"I should be getting back anyways, Jake's waiting for me." I said throwing on my coat.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow then." She said ordering a drink for herself.

"Bye." I said before turning and walking out the door. The air outside was crisp and clean, and by the time I got home I knew what I was going to do.

The apartment smelled delicious, a mix of spices and herbs that tingled my nose. I walked into the kitchen, Jake was at the stove whipping something up, I couldn't really tell what it was, but I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind,

"I love you." I whispered, he looked over his shoulder at me, surprised and warmed by my profession. He turned around, pulling me into his arms, and kissing the top of my head before he whispered,

"I love you too."

* * *

I woke the next morning to find Jake's bare arms wrapped tightly around me. I rolled over in them to face him, his eyes were shut and he was breathing soundly. I laid my head on his chest and fell back asleep. When I opened my eyes again, he was gone. I found myself alone in my bed, the clock on the table read 12,

"Jake?" I called out, when there was no answer I pushed the covers off and got up to find him.

"Jake, where are you?" I called, still no answer. I looked around the apartment, only to find a note on the living room table,

_Out getting coffee, be back soon_

As soon as my eyes finished scanning the note, there was a knock on the door. I pulled it open to reveal an embarrassed Jake, without coffee, I laughed,

"What happened?" I asked, standing aside so he could enter,

"One I didn't know where I was going, and two I realized I didn't have keys." He said with a smile, I laughed,

"Wait here." I instructed, before running to my room and changing out of my pjs and into a pair of jeans, t-shirt and sweater, then meeting him in the hallway five minutes later, with my keys in my pocket. I looped my arm through his and dragged him out of the apartment.

"Come on, we'll get coffee, then I can give you a tour of my lovely city." We stepped out on the street and walked over to Starbucks. Once we placed our orders and paid, we went and stood over by the end of the counter.

"Where do you want to go first?" I asked him while we waited,

"I don't know," He said with a shrug, "This is _your _city." He teased,

"Alright then, we can start off at the campus, and I'll show you around there, then we can do Thayer, then the restaurant, and then we can head back home. Sound good?" I asked, he smiled,

"Anything with you sounds good." Our coffees were called and we headed outside to begin our tour. I took him to the campus green to start with. We walked through the gateway and I began showing him all the different buildings, pointing out each one that surrounded the park. As I did, my eyes met a familiar pair of green ones across the expanse of snow covered grass, I paused for a moment and we stared at each other. Edward looked like it hurt him so much to see us together, even from where I stood I could see the betrayal he felt before he shook his head disappointedly and turned away. Jake hadn't noticed, and I didn't bother pointing it out to him, I just continued telling him about everything until we ended up back at the apartment. I still couldn't shake the feeling of Edward's eyes on mine, and I didn't like that.

"You know what I want right now?" Jake asked once we were inside,

"And what would that be?" I asked, closing the door behind me.

"This." He said, pulling me into his arms and kissing me. His arms guided me over to the couch as our tongues danced together. His lips were warm on mine, but they didn't feel right, they felt strange, and foreign. He pushed me gently on the couch and laid on top of me. This was supposed to be natural, normal, just the other day I was completely ready to sleep with Edward, but this felt wrong, and I didn't know why. Jake settled on top of me and I felt his hand travel to the button of my jeans. I gently pushed it away, and his hand settled on my hip. It wasn't long before it was at my jeans again,

"No, Jake." I moaned as his lips traveled to my neck. He groaned as well, but in frustration,

"Come on Bella," he said, his lips still attached to my skin, "It'll be good, I promise." His words shocked me,

"Jake, stop, seriously." I said forcefully. He rolled off of me, I sat up next to him,

"Bella," He said sternly as if I were a child he was upset with. "We've been together for almost a year, don't you think we're ready to take that next step?" He questioned, I shook my head.

"Why, because I'm not Edward?" His words were harsh, and I opened my mouth to dispute them, but as I began to think about what he said, I realized that I didn't want this because exactly that, he wasn't Edward. I wanted Edward, and if I couldn't have him, I don't think I wanted anyone else. When I didn't respond, Jake's face fell,

"Wow." He scoffed, getting up from the couch, his back to me.

"Jake, I'm sorry." I whispered, I didn't want to hurt him, that had never been my intention. I got up and walked over to him, reaching up and putting a hand on his shoulder that he shrugged off, which didn't stop me, I tried again, with the same response. I tried to wrap my arms around his waist,

"Bella, get off!" He said, and this time he pushed me off much more forcefully than I had expected. I stumbled backwards, and my foot caught on the rug, sending me flying backwards. I saw Jacob's hands reach out for me, but it was too late. I felt something scrape painfully up the inside of my arm and the smell of fresh blood stung my nose, causing my insides to churn and I forced myself not to look at the wound. Jake looked mortified as he reached to help me up,

"Oh God, Bella, I didn't mean-" I held up a hand and he stopped in his tracks,

"Don't." I whispered, pushing myself slowly off the ground. Jake stood gaping at me as I pushed past him to grab a dish rag from the kitchen and pressing it to my arm before grabbing Sarah's car keys off the table.

"I need to get out of here." I said and I left Jake standing in the middle of my living room. I had every intention of driving myself to the hospital, but once I made it to the car and tried to open the door, I realized I grabbed the wrong set of keys. I let out a curse as my head spun, there was no way I was going back into the apartment, so I took a deep breath and headed to the only place I knew. With each step my head pounded and I began to feel dizzier and dizzier to the point where I was stumbling down the sidewalk. I knew that couldn't just be the result of how squeamish I was about blood. I paused, and leaned back against a wall. I took a deep breath and looked down at the rag. My heart nearly stopped, it was almost soaked through with crimson blood, I pulled the towel back and realized how bad my wound was. It wasn't a long cut, maybe from the middle of my forearm to the beginning of my palm, but it was deep, very deep. I looked up and saw that I was only a block away so I continued on. I climbed the steps of my destination and rang the buzzer, desperately trying to stay conscious.

"Who is it?" I heard Edward's melodic voice through the speaker.

"Edward-help, please." I managed to get out, as I propped myself up on the door frame. It was a matter of seconds before I heard the clomping of hurried footsteps on the other side of the door, and I felt my vision beginning to blur. The door was yanked open and a frantic Edward looked around, his eyes landing on mine.

"Bella, what's-" He caught sight of my arm,

"I'm sorry, but there was no one else." I said weakly, looking into his worry filled eyes, which softened,

"It's okay, I'm here now, I'll-" He began, but I didn't hear the rest of what he said as I pitched forward into his arms as the blackness finally overwhelmed me.

**Review!!! seriously guys, I know I havent been around much, but im trying to change that!!! Before it was literally focus on this story or my future (ie college apps) so i hope u understand why I couldn't really do much with this, and Im sorry!! But please REVIEW!!!**


	14. There

**Hey everyone! Keep reviewing like that, it made me so happy!! so heres the next ch!!!**

**oh and don't forget, I own nothing recognizable!**

**xoxo,**

**devinerose**

The incessant sound of beeping woke me up from my sleep. I moaned slightly as I tried to open my eyes and sit up. I got my eyes open but the sitting up was prevented by the spinning in my head, so I laid back down. I looked around the white room and let out another groan, I was in the hospital. There was no clock in the room, but from the look out the window, it was late. I looked over to find Edward in the chair next to the bed, half his body was on my bed and he was fast asleep, resting his head on his folded arms. His shirt was covered in blood, and his hand was wrapped tightly around mine. He looked exhausted, even with his eyes closed, I wanted to wake him up, so he would know I was okay, but I couldn't bring myself to break the peace I felt having him there, his hand in mine. I looked over at my bad arm, it was tingling, but it didn't really hurt as much as it had earlier. It was wrapped up in gauze so I couldn't see the full damage, but I didn't really want to. Edward stirred next to me,

"Hey, look who's up." I teased, my voice came out scratchy so I cleared my throat. It took him a moment to actually wake up.

"Hey." He said softly,

"Hi. What happened?" I asked.

"You sliced an artery." He said looking away from me, like he was scared.

"Oh." I said simply, trying to take in all of it.

"Yeah." He said rubbing his eyes and leaning back in his chair to stretch, "They fixed it and stitched you up, but you were out cold the whole time. How are you feeling now?" He asked curiously.

"I feel fine. Bit sore, but I think that's to be expected." I said with a smile, trying to comfort him.

"I called Sarah for you by the way, she was working and was going to leave, but I told her you were fine and that I was with you, so she'll be by soon." Edward informed me,

"Thanks."

"Anytime, but Bella, what happened?" He asked leaning forward,

"I fell." I lied,

"You fell? That's it, just fell?" He questioned doubtfully.

"I scratched my arm on a nail or something, you know how clumsy I can be. Don't you remember that day that I managed to slip in your bathroom, hit my head on the tub, gash my hand open and pass out, all before breakfast?" I asked with a smile, he smiled back but his eyes were filled with pain as he nodded,

"Yeah, I don't think I'll ever forget that day." My heart froze as I remembered the events of that day. Edward giving me the ring that I still held as close to my heart as possible. Him confessing his love, and me confessing mine. All of it. The sound of Edward clearing his throat broke me from my excruciatingly painful trip down memory lane. As I looked into his eyes, I felt my own eyes wince when they met. He broke my gaze and looked at my arm.

"Are you okay?" He asked sadly.

"No." I whispered painfully, and he and I both knew I wasn't talking about my arm. We sat for a moment in silence before he got up to sit next to me on the bed. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, I let out a sigh of happiness and I closed my eyes as he rested his forehead on mine. We stayed that way for a few moments before there was a knock on the door. Edward got up and opened it to reveal Jacob, who rushed in immediately, bypassing Edward to take his seat on my bed.

"Sarah called and told me what happened, I've been so worried." He seemed genuine, which I'm sure he was, he had never meant for this to happen, still when he leaned down to kiss me I turned away.

"Are you okay?" He asked, I nodded.

"I'm fine." I said coldly,

"Bella, I'm going to go grab something from the cafeteria, I'll be right back." Edward said, clearly doing this to give Jake and I space, but I didn't want it.

"You don't have to go, Jake was just leaving." Both boys seemed surprised by my response.

"Bella," Jacob pleaded, "It was an accident, I never meant to hurt you." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward's expression change to one of curiosity then to fury as he realized what Jake was saying.

"You did this to her?" He asked in disbelief.

"It's nothing, it was an accident Edward." I said, answering for Jake, not quite sure what Edward would do to Jake if he knew exactly what happened.

"Bella." Edward said sternly, clearly he knew I was lying. At this point Jake stood up and walked over to Edward.

"Look, thanks for all your help, getting her here and everything, but I'm here now, you can leave." Jake said stepping up to Edward. He was taller than Edward by a few inches, but the way Edward was looking at him, they seemed to be on level field.

"I'm not leaving her here alone with you." Edward said adamantly, and he started walking over to my bed, but was stopped by Jake placing a hand on his shoulder, it wasn't a violent gesture, but still, it wasn't a good idea. I watched Edward take a deep calming breath and I prayed he wouldn't do anything.

"I'm not dangerous, it was an accident," Jake began explaining, "Now, you can either leave on your own, or I can get security."

"I think you'd better get security, oh and while you're there, you might want to explain why she's here in the first place." Edward said turning back to face Jake whose face fell,

"Jake, right now I think it'd be best if you left, we can talk when I get home, okay?" I said intervening,

"But Bella-"

"No, Jake. Go." I said more forcefully.

"Bella, it was an accident, are you really picking him over-"

"Jake, get out." I said harshly, causing him to stop. He straightened up

"Fine, Bella." He said then he walked out. I let out a sigh, as the door swung shut. I dropped my head into my hands and I could hear Edward walking over to take his seat.

"Care to tell me what all that was about?" He asked seriously, I peeked out at him obviously through my fingers, and shook my head,

"Not really." He leaned over and carefully pulled my hands off my face.

"Bella I have to know if he hurt you."

"It was an accident, Edward." I said honestly, Jake would never hurt me on purpose.

"I don't care! Bella, what the hell happened?" He snapped.

"He pushed me, and I tripped. He didn't think I was going to fall, it just happened." I said quietly, his face paled and his eyes were alight with a flame of anger. I grabbed his hand in mine,

"But I'm okay now, see?" I said trying to convince him, but it wasn't doing any good.

The door suddenly burst open startling both of us, as Sarah came rushing through the room, followed by an angry nurse who was telling her visiting hours were over. As Sarah came over to the bed, Edward went up to talk to the nurse.

"Oh Bella, thank God you're okay!" She exclaimed as she sat next to me on the bed.

"I'm fine Sarah really."

"How did this happen anyway?"

"Didn't you talk to Jake?" I asked confused, although one I thought about it Jake wouldn't really be too forth coming with the fact he nearly killed his girlfriend.

"Yeah he said you tripped." She said, reaching over to brush back some hair out of my face. I didn't say anything to dispute that,

"He pushed her." Edward said through his teeth, taking a seat in his chair. Sarah whipped around to face him in shock, he nodded, and she looked back at me.

"Is that true?" She asked shocked

"It was an accident." I said sheepishly.

"I don't give a flying fuck, unless it's to make you happy, or to keep you safe a man doesn't lay a finger on you." She said angrily, "I hope he knows he's not welcome at the house." She said, she was furious.

"Sarah, we can't do that! He'll have no where to stay." I objected,

"Well, he should've thought about that before he hit you!" She said defiantly.

"Sarah, we can't just kick him out." I protested.

"Bella, I need to know you're safe, who knows what he'll do." She was clearly just worried about me, and I could understand that, but the way she was talking was a little exaggerated.

"He's not going to hurt me Sarah."

"Hey," Edward said jumping in the conversation, "How about this, if he's staying at your house, why don't I come over too, just until he leaves?" He offered

"No, Edward, that's not necessary." I protested,

"Bella, that wasn't a suggestion." He said looking to Sarah who nodded, I opened my mouth to argue.

"Bella, I think Edward's right, maybe he should stay the night, just in case, okay?" Sarah said,

"Fine, but no fighting." I said, Edward laughed,

"Fair enough. But if he lays a hand on you, I can't keep my word." The three of us left the hospital later that night, Edward used some of his connections to get me out early, and he drove us to the house. I expected to see Jake somewhere near the door once we got there, but he wasn't, which wasn't completely surprising as I had shown him where the spare key to the outer door was under the mat. Edward parked the car and Sarah let us in, once we got to our landing I began to worry, there was no spare key to our door, and Jake was no where in sight. Once we got into the apartment I called out for him with no response.

"Bella, he's not here." Sarah said turning on the lights as Edward helped me out of his coat, which he had given to me for the night.

"But I'm sure he'll be here soon okay?" She said trying to placate me, "Why don't you get some rest. Edward, can you take her to her room while I get a blanket and pillow for you for the couch?" She said couch quite pointedly, he nodded with a smile and we headed for my room.

"Are you going to be okay?" Edward asked, taking a seat on my bed.

"I'll be fine." I said, using my good arm to open my pj drawer. I rummaged through it until I found a long sleeve flannel and sweat pants. I set them on the bed next to him,

"Could you turn around?" I asked,

"Oh, right. Of course." He said getting up and heading for the window as I changed, which was much more difficult than I had expected. I threw my bloody clothes on top of the hamper,

"I'm done." He turned around again and I noticed how bloodstained his shirt was.

"Do you want a change of clothes?" I asked, he looked down,

"Oh, um I hadn't even noticed that." He said with a smile, before looking up at me.

"I can go see if Sarah has anything of Tim's, I'll be right back." I said leaving my room to go own the hall into Sarah's sure enough, hanging off her desk chair was an oversized t-shirt. I grabbed it and headed back to my room.

"Here." I said handing Edward the shirt, he held it between his legs as he pulled off his other shirt. It wasn't like I hadn't seen him shirtless before, but seeing it again, and knowing the last time was before we almost slept together wasn't the easiest thing in the world.

"So, um Sarah is almost finished with the couch," I said sitting on my bed and looking away,

"Good." He said, I heard more rustling of fabric and I tried to picture small kittens and warm apple pie. Edward chuckled,

"I'm decent." He said, and I turned back around to look at him, "Well, I'm off to bed, wake me up if Jacob shows, okay?" He asked as he went to the door,

"I will." I promised,

"Alright, get some sleep." He said, placing a tender kiss on the top of my head before walking out the door.

I climbed into bed, turning off the lights as I went. I laid in bed waiting to hear a knock on the front door, after an hour and a half of nothing, I crept out of my room and made my way to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of juice and leaned back against the counter, trying to process everything that had happened.

"Can't sleep?" A voice asked from the opening to the kitchen. Edward was standing there, leaning against the doorframe. I shook my head,

"I'm worried, it's three in the morning and he still isn't back yet." I sighed, Edward walked over and leaned back against the counter next to me.

"He'll be back. You should be getting some rest."

"I'm not tired. Is it just that I repel guys?" I asked, sipping on my juice, Edward laughed.

"You never repelled me." He said, bumping my shoulder gently, I smiled, but it was half hearted, and was gone in a second as I looked up at him,

"Yes, I did." I said, barely above a whisper, his face became somber as he looked down at me. He took my glass and set it down on the counter behind us, alongside his. He then pulled me slowly into his arms, and just held me to him. Tear began to fall down my face,

"I wish we could just go back."

"Me too." He said softly as he rubbed my back. We were startled by a loud banging on the door, Edward turned, keeping me behind him as he went to the door. I stood a fair distance away as he asked who it was,

"Jake." Said the person on the other side of the door. I let out a sigh of relief and walked past Edward to open the door, where I was met with a body, almost collapsing on me,

"Whoops." Jake slurred, "Sorry Bells." It wasn't long until Edward pulled him off me, supporting him as I turned the lights on. Once I did I was able to get a good look at him,

"He's drunk." I said disappointedly.

"N-no I'm not." Jake said, straightening himself up, pulling out of Edward's hold and fixing himself.

"Yes, you are Jake, come on, let's get some coffee into you." I said and I went over to him, trying to guide him into the kitchen, which was when he caught sight and actually registered Edward's presence. His mood completely changed to one of outrage and anger.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He yelled, Edward remained calm.

"Just looking after Sarah and Bella." He said, mentioning Sarah to keep Jake from flipping out,

"They were worried about you." He added.

"You can just up, up, shut up." Jake said ignoring Edward's words.

"Come on Bella I need to talk to you." He said reaching for me, I tried to pull away, but it was too late. He grabbed my bad arm, and the way he did caused his fingers to land directly in my wound. I let out a scream of pain. Jake didn't understand why, so he didn't let go until Edward ripped his hand away and stepped in between us. I tried uselessly to fight back tears of pain. Blood was beginning to seep through my long sleeve, which meant it had already gotten through the gauze.

"Edward!" I said worriedly, he whipped around, and I showed him my arm, he took it delicately in his hands,

"Shit." He cursed.

"Hey, keep your handsoff my girl." Jake slurred,

"Shut up!" Edward barked over his shoulder as he carefully began to pull my sleeve up so he could assess the damage. As he did Jake grabbed his shoulder as pushed him out of the way. Edward instinctively reached for something to keep him balanced, which at the time was my arm, I bit back a scream. Edward released my arm and bounced up, getting between Jake and I before Jake could come any closer,

"Look, why don't you just get some rest on the couch before things get out of hand." Edward said taking control of the situation.

"Don't tell me tell you what to, um you tell me, what to do." Jake said stepping forward and getting right in Edward's face. Edward didn't flinch a muscle,

"Jake, please, just do what he asked." I begged, backing Edward up, knowing Jake would listen to me.

"Fine." He said turning around dejectedly,

"Thank you." Jake began to head to the living room, when all of the sudden he whipped around and punched an unsuspecting Edward right in the jaw. Without losing a beat Edward hit him back in the face, Jake fell to the floor out cold. Edward stood up straight, turning to face me,

"You okay?" He asked,

"Are you, your lip is bleeding." I said reaching up to touch it, he caught my hand,

"I'm fine, but we need to check your arm, go in the kitchen, I'm going to put him on the couch for safe keeping." He said gesturing to Jake, I nodded and did as he said. I heard him struggle a bit with Jake as I went back into the kitchen. I managed to hoist myself up onto the counter just as Edward came in. Blood was trickling down his lip, he wiped it away with the back of his hand as he approached me.

"Let me see your arm." He said, holding out his hand, I put my arm in it. His hands slowly raised my sleeve to reveal the blood stained gauze,

"This is like the first time you patched me up." I said with a smile, he laughed,

"I just wish these meetings could be under better circumstances. How's it feel?" He asked as he began to unwrap my arm.

"Stings." I said watching him.

"Do you feel dizzy, or lightheaded?" He inquired.

"Nope, completely," I winced and drew in a sharp breath as he peeled the gauze off the wound,

"Sorry." He said, and I could tell it was more than just because of just now,

"Why?"

"Half of this is my fault, I didn't mean to grab your arm." He said looking away from me, I laughed.

"Yes, Edward because it's all your fault that my boyfriend grabbed my arm and dug his fingers into it, reopening my wound, and when you tried to fix it, he grabbed you and you squeezed it a bit. You should be sorry." He smiled and looked up at me through his lashes,

"Bella, this is all my fault." His response caught me by surprise. I took his face in my good hand and forced him to look at me.

"Edward, what are you talking about?"

"He was mad because of me, why else would he have pushed you earlier, or grabbed you away from me. If I weren't around you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Edward, he pushed me because of me. I made a decision he didn't like, and that upset him, this is not your fault." I said forcefully, but I could tell it wasn't making a difference,

"I can't help feeling like it is though."

"Of course you can't." I laughed, trying to lighten the mood, "Do you remember the time you were adamant in believing the time I fell off the rocks that July was your fault." To this his expression lightened and he laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, I remember that. You were so mad, I'm almost positive you didn't talk to me for an entire day." He said, we both laughed, "That had been the longest day of my life, until," There he paused and his laughter died out. We both knew what he was going to say, even though he didn't say it.

"Um, do you have any alcohol?" He asked, "It looks like he just pulled some stitches loose."

"Yeah, it's, uh, in the cabinet in the bathroom, above the sink." I said quietly.

"Right. I'll be back." He said before turning away and leaving the room. I leaned my head against the fridge and closed my eyes hoping it would stop the tears, but they just crept out anyway. I heard Edward's footsteps approaching the kitchen, I sat up immediately and used my good hand to brush away the tears before he entered.

"Does it hurt?" Edward asked setting the bottle of alcohol, bag of cotton balls and extra gauze from the hospital on the counter next to me. I shook my head,

"But, you're crying." He said, and the soft quietness of his voice made it obvious he knew why. He patched up my arm in silence, and I helped him wipe down his lip.

"You should get some rest." He said once we finished,

"Yeah," I said hoping down from the counter, "Where are you going to sleep?" I asked realizing Jake took his bed.

"Probably on the floor in the living room." He said with a shrug,

"You could crash in my room if you wanted."

"As much as that sounds like everything I want, do you think that's the best idea?" He asked honestly, I smiled softly,

"No, I guess you're right," I agreed, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He said, "Oh and Bella, don't worry about all this, we can deal with in the morning." He promised,

"Will you be here?" I asked quietly,

"I'm not going anywhere."

**REVIEW!!!! seriously, keep up the reviews they makes me happy!!**


	15. Going Home

**Hi, um don't really know how to begin other than to say how sorry I am, so I guess, I'm just gunna let you guys read.**

**xoxo, devinerose**

My arm woke me up around seven. It was throbbing painfully, I rolled out of bed with a yawn and made my way down the hall to the bathroom. The door was shut and I could hear moans from the other side along with the whir of the fan, which I was grateful for. I knocked softly and was greeted to the sound of Jake's voice, he began to say come in, but must have been interrupted as I heard the splash of puke into the toilet. I winced as I thought of what was going on on the other side of the door. I heard him flush the toilet and moan,

"Come in." I opened the door slowly. Jake was hunched over the toilet with a glass half full of water. He looked up at me, his face was pale. I went over to him, sitting on the side of the tub as I rubbed his back,

"How are you?" I asked softly, taking care not to be too loud.

"Not good." He said resting his head in my lap, I used my hand to brush hair out of his face,

"But, that makes it a little better." He said, his eyes drifted close and I continued to rub his head. He dry heaved a bit and lunged for the toilet, only nothing came out. He just gagged,

"Hey, hey." I cooed, I handed him the water, he sipped it slowly and we sat in silence for a while,

"I'm sorry." He whispered turning to look up at me, "About everything." I nodded,

"I know."

I spent the rest of the morning taking trips between the bathroom and the kitchen. Edward had volunteered to get coffee while Sarah and I opted to stay and make breakfast.

"How's he holding up?" Sarah asked as I entered the kitchen for the third time.

"Better," I said grabbing a slice of bread out of the toaster, "How's breakfast?"

"Well, it'd go faster if I had an extra hand." She hinted as she chopped fruit while waiting for her French toast to cook.

"Hey, Tim taught you how to cook it on your own, you should be fine." I teased before scurrying out of the kitchen and back down the hall to the bathroom. When I opened the door I found Jake fast asleep on the floor, using a towel for a pillow. I resisted the urge to drape a blanket over him out of fear he might wake up and crept quietly back out of the bathroom, shutting the door again.

"Guess you'll have that extra hand after all." I said to Sarah as I took the knife out of her hands and finished chopping the banana she had been working out.

"Passed out?" She asked turning to the stove,

"Passed out." I confirmed,

"So what are you going to do?" She asked as she watched her french toast,

"About what?"

"You do know you've got one abusive boyfriend who loves you but you don't feel the same way about in the bathroom, and the boyfriend you were madly in love with and never really got over because you were forced to leave him and have had one or two indiscretions with on his way back with the morning coffee?" She asked sarcastically with a raised brow.

"Right, that. I don't know really, I don't. I think I'm going to tell Jake I'm not going back with him." I admitted.

"You mean like the same flight?" She asked flipping a piece of toast before turning to me,

"No as in for good, I'm going to stay here for thanksgiving." I explained, her jaw dropped,

"But what about your dad?" She asked surprised,

"I'll miss him, but really thanksgiving is just going to be him trying to push me and Jake back together and I'm not really ready for that." I explained,

"Finally!" She gasped dramatically,

"What?" I laughed,

"You made a decision based on what you want!" She exclaimed,

"Hey!" I objected with a smile,

"Please, you know I'm right, wether you admit it or not." She teased, I rolled my eyes,

"Whatever." At that point we heard the front door open,

"In the kitchen!" Sarah called to Edward who came into the kitchen with a tray of coffee cups. He set them on the counter before handing them out,

"Sarah, Bella," he said giving each of us our drinks, "And something for Jake. Is he up?" I shook my head,

"Not yet. What's in the cup?" I asked curiously, he smiled,

"Same as always. How is he doing?" He asked curiously.

"Not too good he's asleep right now, but he's been throwing up all morning it's not pretty."

"Where did he even get all that liquor?" Sarah asked,

"Apparently one of his college buddies from the trip lives like twenty minutes away, he went to his house and the two of them got trashed, then came back." I explained what Jake had told me.

"Always a good plan." Sarah said sarcastically sliding the french toast out of the pan and onto a plate.

"Breakfast is ready." She said holding up the plate.

"You two start I'm going to see how Jake's doing." I said, they nodded and I took Jake's drink from Edward. When I went in the bathroom Jake was still out cold on the floor, but he seemed so uncomfortable.

"Hey Edward?" I called from the bathroom door,

"Yeah?" He called back.

"Could you help me with something?" I asked, he didn't respond but by the sound of his approaching feet he didn't have to.

"Sure, what's up?" He asked once he got to the bathroom,

"Could you help me get him into my bed?" I asked, he seemed apprehensive but nodded anyway. He pulled Jake off the floor, and he and I carried him into my bedroom, laying him out on the bed. I shifted him around and pulled the covers over him so he'd be more comfortable. When I looked over at Edward he was looking away, as if he couldn't bear to see me with Jake.

"I'm going to stay in here just in case he wakes up." I said, Edward looked at me.

"Do you want me to bring you something?" He offered,

"You want to grab me some french toast and fruit?" I asked hopefully, he smiled, and nodded before leaving the room. When he came back in he set my food on my bedside table and I thanked him,

"Need anything else?"

"No, I think I'm good." I said and he left. Edward ended up leaving around four after Jake woke up feeling somewhat better.

"What happened last night?" Jake moaned as I handed him his drink,

"I thought you remembered?" I asked,

"I remember what happened yesterday, but not last night." He said sipping his drink and wincing at the taste.

"Believe me you don't want to know." I said looking away from him,

"That bad?" He asked,

"Well you threw a couple of punches and said a few choice things, but that was about it."

"Jeez." He said shaking his head, I could tell from his expression he was trying to remember some of it,

"Bella, I know I already said this, but I need you to know how sorry I am." He apologized,

"I know, but Jake, there's something I have to talk to you about." I began sadly,

"Okay." He said tentitavely.

"Jake, I don't think I'm coming home for thanksgiving. I just don't think I can, not with all that happened." Jake seemed surprised, but he didn't say anything for a few moments,

"Bella, please don't do this. I made a mistake please don't give up on this. Please." He said trying to convince me.

"Jake, I can't do this. What you did, I mean that's part of it, but if I'm honest with you this was over long before you ever laid a hand on me. I just need time to myself to think, and if I go back with you, that will be the exact opposite of what I need. I'm sorry, but this is for the best." I said as gently as possible. He didn't say anything, he just wrapped his arms around me, I leaned forward and rested my head on his and we remained like that in silence.

"Jake?" I whispered,

"Yeah?" He replied just as silently,

"I do love you." I said sitting up and looking at him. No matter what had happened, that hadn't changed, even though the way I loved him had. He smiled,

"I love you too, but you're really not coming back with me?" He asked sadly, I shook my head.

"No, Jake. I called Charlie while you were sleeping. I didn't tell him why, I just said I had stuff to do for school. Besides, I think this is for the best."

"How Bella? How is it for the best?"

"Well for starters, Jake you pushed me to the ground and I almost died." I said simply, he recoiled at that.

"And Jake I honestly don't know where I stand with my emotions right now, especially towards you,"

"But you said you loved me." He interjected, I sighed,

"I know I did, and I still do, and probably always will, but not the way you'd like me to, or need me too. I just think it'd be best if we didn't spend more time together right now. I just need space." I finished re-explaining myself.

"I still think you're wrong, we can work this out." He persisted,

"Jake, please, I'm not going, that's final." I said decidedly and neither of us said anything after that.

Jake left the next day,

"I'll see you at Christmas right?" He asked opening the door to his taxi,

"Yeah, I'll be home for Christmas." I agreed.

"Think anything'll change by then?" He asked with a smile that I couldn't help but return,

"Hey, you never know." He said hopefully,

"Goodbye Jake." I said with a smile,

"Bye Bella." He said, we hugged and then he got into the cab, pulling the door shut. He waved through the glass as the cab pulled off, I waved back and watched as it turned the corner.

"Looks like you're sticking it out with me for thanksgiving." Sarah said when I came back into the house,

"Looks like." I agreed, sitting down next to her on the couch,

"What do you want to do?"

"Wallow in my own sorrow." I said, pushing out my upper lip and frowning, Sarah laughed,

"Great it's gunna be just like old times for me." She teased, I nudged her shoulder with mine,

"Seriously though, I just broke up with my boyfriend, I think I may still love my ex who I'm not sure wants anything to do with me and-"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure he wants something to do with you." She said pumping her eyebrows suggestively.

"Sarah!" I laughed,

"What? It's true, him in the hospital by your bedside, it was so cute." She shared,

"Maybe so, but I was in trouble, he was worried, I'm sure he would've acted that way with anyone." I brushed off her comment,

"Yeah, okay." She said sarcastically, "Now what are we going to do on thursday? I say we have our own Thanksgiving feast."

"Alright," I agreed before reaching for a pad and pencil, "So, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, turkey, green beans, stuffing, anything else?" I asked looking up at her,

"Candied yams." She added, "Oooh and pumpkin pie."

"And how much are we making ourselves?"

"I can do the candied yams, turkey and cranberry sauce, I have secret family recipies on those ones." I couldn't help but laugh,

"Sounds good, so I'll take green beans, stuffing and mashed potatoes, and whatever else we come up with." She and I spent the rest of the afternoon devising our Thanksgiving plans. Monday rolled around quickly and I got a call from Walker asking if I could fill in for some one at the restaurant. It being a few days before thanksgiving there wasn't really anyone left at the bar, hence why Walker put me there. The bartender who's shift I was taking had a familial emergency and I was the only one who wasn't either out of town or working already. I had just finished wiping down the counter of the bar when a rush of cold air alerted me to a customer and I put away the cloth as I looked up to see Edward walk slowly into the restaurant. When he caught sight of me he veered away from the hostess station and made his way over to me.

"Working at the bar? Isn't that illegal?" He teased, I smiled,

"I'm 18, although it is illegal for you to be sitting here."

"Well, I'm just here to pick up some food I called in." He explained,

"Oh then I guess it's okay." It was his turn to smile, and like always it made my heart skip just a little bit. He slid into the seat in front of me and I offered him a glass of water.

"No thanks, I'm good, but Bella, what are you doing here?" He asked suprised,

"Someone cancelled at the last minute so I-"

"No, no I mean I thought you were going back with Jake," his voiced tenced a little at the sound of his name. "To spend Thanksgiving with your dad."

"Right, that, um I decided not to go, just wasn't ready to pretend like what happened this week never happened. So I told my dad that I had a lot of work that needed to be done here he said he understood and now I'll be spending thanksgiving here. What about you?" I asked when I noticed he had an expression filled with anger as he undoubtedly thought that because of Jake's stupid actions I couldn't spend time with my family, which was true, but I hadn't cared.

"Nothing terribly exciting. Esme and Carlisle are hosting a hospital function on Wednesday, and then we're doing a family Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Nothing special."

"No that sounds nice, how are you getting there?"

"I'm driving up tomorrow afternoon." He said, "So you're in town on Thanksgiving, by yourself?" He asked sadly,

"It's not so bad, Sarah and I have decided that we are going to do our own little Thanksgiving." I explained placating him,

"Sarah's going to be in town?" He asked confused,

"Yeah of course why wouldn't she be?"

"Tim said he asked her to come back with him to meet his family and that she said yes."

"She never told me this." Edward smiled,

"Apparently he asked her this morning, so maybe she hasn't had time to tell you."

"Oh she's had plenty of time." I answered sarcastically and just as I said this she rounded the corner, with one look at Edward and I she could tell exactly what was going on, a look of guilt appeared on her face as she slowly walked over to us.

"I was going to tell you." She eased, I nodded,

"Uh-hun?"

"I was, and I was going to ask you if you would be okay with me going too." I laughed,

"Sarah, it's fine, I don't mind at all, I'm just teasing you."

"Wait really?" I nodded, she let out a small squeal before pulling me into an awkward hug across the bar.

"Don't worry, I will be paying you back for this one." She promised,

"Don't it's no big deal." I said, not really worried about what she might do, but more about the fact she didn't have to, it was totally fine for her to make Thanksgiving plans.

"Still, I feel terrible, but we'll have a night when I get back, how does that sound?" She offered,

"Sounds good to me, when are you leaving?"

"Tonight, after work."

"Alright. Guess I'll just have to make a stop at Boston Market on Wednesday." I teased,

"Are you sure you're okay with this Bella?" She asked again,

"Yes, it's fine, I'm happy for you. Go have fun!"

"Thanks so much for understanding, and can I have two cokes." I nodded and got out the glasses.

"So what are you plans Edward?" Sarah asked while she waited,

"Just family stuff, nothing big." He said, I handed Sarah her drinks,

"Alright, well I'm off, thanks again Bella." I nodded as she left with her drinks, at the same time Danny came out of the kitchen with a bag off food,

"Order's up." He said passing the bag over to Edward who took it with thanks before placing cash on the table.

"I guess I'll see you later." He said standing up to leave,

"Yeah, see you later." He walked out of the restaurant into the snow which was finally beginning to melt away.

"Hey Bells, you missed a spot." Danny said with a laugh pointing at the bar before running away quickly. I rolled my eyes with a smile and pulled the cloth back out from under the counter to remove the single blemish on the counter top. Sarah and I walked home together after our shifts, dicussing the nerves she had over meeting Tim's family. I calmed her down and helped her pack once we got back to the house, Tim came over after his shift to picked her up. I waved them off and went back into my now empty apartment. The next day I went out and picked up some needed supplies for the house, including some food. When I got home I got cozy in a pair of sweatpants and a worn out t-shirt, grabbed some snack food out of the cabinit in the kitchen, collected the homework that was due halfway through december and got started. It was a slightly sad way to spend my Thanksgiving break, but I figured I might as well take advantage of what time I had. Around noon the doorbell rang, I set aside my stuff and headed downstairs to answer the door. I was surprised to see who was standing behind it,

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked confused, but still happy to see him.

"Hey, I was on my way home, and I passed your house, I was um wondering, wow this is going to seem crazy, but would you like to come with me for Thanksgiving?" He asked with furrowed brow and crooked smile. I was pretty sure my jaw dropped,

"T-To your house?" I thought I was hearing things,

"Yeah." He sighed with a grin, "Like I said, crazy, but you're here by yourself for thanksgiving, and I thought maybe you might want to come, Esme's making a home cooked meal, there's going to be a party, it should be a good time."

"When are you leaving?" I asked, beginning to smile,

"Um right now," he laughed, "So what do you say?" He asked hopefully.

"Do you wanna come in while I pack real quick?"

"Really?" He asked, I stepped aside as a gesture of yes. He smiled and entered. It didn't take me long to pack, just a few pairs of jeans, some tops and an outfit for thanksgiving dinner. As I was, I couldn't help but thinking about facing the Cullens once more, and that this trip would be pivitol to whatever came next for Edward and me. I took in a deep breath and zipped up my bag.

"Ready." I announced walking into the living room.

"Alright, let's go." He said.

**I haven't been okay in a very long time which is why the late update, I'm still not where I need to be, but I'm going to try not to let you guys down anymore. To those of you who were worried, I'm sorry and thank you so much for your concern.**


	16. Coming Clean

**Hey Everyone! I'm still getting back into the swing of this, plus being in and out of facilities does not make it any easier for me to update, so for that I'm sorry! Now, I hope you enjoy this ch and I hope the next one goes up much sooner!**

**Xoxo**

**DevineRose**

Edward tossed my bag into the trunk of his car as I waited by the passenger side door.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked uncertainly from across the car, he paused for a moment to unlock the door before looking up at me.

"Without a doubt." He said with a crooked smile as he got in, I followed suit. He started the engine and we pulled away. We discussed trivial things as we left the city, our classes, plans for Christmas and after a few hours we came up to an empty stretch of highway,

"What about everyone else, have you told them I was coming?" I knew none of them outside of Rose and Emmett would be as welcoming to the idea of me showing up unexpectedly.

"I called Esme and told her that I was bringing a friend home with me, she said it was fine."

"You didn't tell her it was me did you?" He gave me a sideways glance before answering,

"No, I didn't."

"Why _are_ you bringing me?"

"I don't really know." He answered staring intently out of the windshield,

"You just out of the blue decided to invite your ex-girlfriend up to the house for thanksgiving? Not that I'm not grateful, but that's just not you Edward, what's going on?" His gaze never broke from the windshield as he responded,

"The other day, when we got into the fight about Jake, you said something and I needed to know what you meant."

"Okay." I said tentatively,

"We were talking about how you had left and you said that you didn't walk out and that you had never wanted to leave."

"That's because I didn't." I said quietly, staring at my hands. I could feel his eyes on me,

"What?" Disbelief clouded his voice and I looked out of my window too ashamed to look at him.

"Pull over." He did as I said and we sat on the side of the empty road in silence.

"Bella, what the hell is going on?" He asked, I could hear how confused he was, and if I had looked I would have been able to see how hurt as well. I closed my eyes to hold in my tears,

"Bella, look at me." He ordered, I did as he said, opening up my eyes to look at him.

"You never wanted to leave?" He repeated for clarification, I shook my head. He ran a hand over his mouth,

"Then why did you?" He was getting angrier,

"I didn't have a choice." I said frustrated,

"What, Bella, that doesn't even make-" His anger was upsetting me because I knew the truth,

"Lauren blackmailed me!" I snapped loudly, that shut him up, "She told me if I didn't leave for good at the end of the summer she would have her father revoke your internship. Whether or not that was completely true, I was scared and everyone was saying things about how being with you would distract you from your internship. It seemed like the best thing for you would be for me to leave. I didn't have a choice." I had never expected the story of the truth to come out this blatantly but there it was, everything was out in the open. Now it was just a matter of seeing if we could get past it. I looked up and he was fuming, all of a sudden he opened the car door and got out, slamming it behind him. A burst of cold air rippled through my bones as I exited the car in his wake.

"Edward, what would you've had me do?" I asked slamming the door to his car, it was my turn to get angry,

"You should've told me!" He yelled.

"I couldn't!" For all his knowledge the fact that he couldn't even understand why I did what I did astounded me.

"Bella, I asked you to marry me, what makes you think we couldn't have handled that?" He asked crossing over to me.

"I didn't think-"

"No, you didn't." He said cutting me off before turning his back on me, "God Bella, why didn't you trust me?" he asked, facing me once more.

"I was scared!" I shouted back, "I didn't want to risk you losing everything you worked so hard for, everything you wanted!" I said, he stared at me as if I were insane. Then he walked right up to me, taking my face in his hands and pressing his lips tightly against mine. It was as if the world around us was gone and everything was in its perfect place. After a few moments we parted, breathing heavily, he rested his forehead against mine, as he looked into my eyes,

"When are you going to get it Bella, _you_ were all I ever wanted." At that it was my turn to kiss him. His grip on my waist got tighter as he pulled me into him; I welcomed the familiar feel as it sent tingles throughout my body as my lips gave way to his forceful tongue. We fell right back into the rythem I had been desperately seeking for so long and the taste of him on my tongue was enough to make my head spin. I leaned back just enough so I could pull his bottom lip between my teeth, sucking it gently. I heard a growl come from his throat and without warning he pushed me back up until I was pinned between his body and the car, I could feel every inch of him against me and it made my body throb. I let out a gasp, wanting more, Edward smiled against my lips and kissed his way across my jaw then down to just below my ear. He must have remembered how much that particular spot set me off, the muscles in my stomach tightened and his tongue flicked out lightly grazing the skin. My head fell back against the roof of the car as I bit my lip.

"Edward." I whispered, but it came out broken as my teeth chattered over the word, I had forgotten all about the cold. Edward stopped what he was doing, much to my dismay, to look up at me. His hands released my hips and went to my cheeks.

"Bella, you're freezing." He said with a smile,

"No I'm not." I said, once again the clicking of my teeth made it hard to speak, and as my body began to cool off, I realized just how very cold I was.

"You're lips are blue, come on you have to get back in the car." He grinned, shaking his head,

"I'm sorry." He said opening my door for me; I looked up at him,

"Don't be." I said climbing into the car, his grin got wider as he shut the door. For the rest of the journey Edward had me recount the story of what happened between Lauren and I as best I could. We pulled up to his familiar house a little after midnight, Edward parked right out front and immediately got out. I hung back nervously as he got our bags and set them on the ground. I manage to open my door, but I still couldn't bring myself to actually get out. Edward came over and held out his hand,

"Edward, I don't think I can do this." I admitted honestly,

"You'll be fine, if you tell them like you told me, you'll be fine." He reassured me. I nodded taking his hand. The front door opened and I could feel my breathing halt and my heart stop. Edward squeezed my hand as the footsteps approached.

"Bella?" A voice asked, I turned to see familiar long flowing blond hair and violet blue eyes walking towards us.

"Rose!" I exclaimed, I let go of Edward's hand and raced over to her. She opened her arms to me,

"Emmett!" She called, "It's Bella!" She pulled away and pushed some stray hairs out of my face lovingly,

"What are you doing here?" She asked, Emmett showed up at the door,

"What?" He questioned, then he saw me, a grin broke out on his face and he sauntered over to Rose and I before pulling us both into a giant bear hug. All the while Edward just stood by in confusion, Emmett let us go before repeating Rose's question,

"Edward invited me." I answered and we all looked over to Edward who was standing there with our bags in hand utterly at a loss for words. Emmett walked over to him and took my bag from him and Rose wrapped an arm around my waist, while Emmett wrapped his around my shoulders and the two led me inside. Edward followed dumb founded and didn't say anything until we were all inside, that's when his voice returned.

"You two are okay with her being here?" He asked curiously, Rose and Emmett looked at each other not sure whether telling him they knew the truth the whole time and didn't tell him would be a good thing, but at this point it was a little late for hiding.

"Why don't we get you two settled then we can have a talk." Rose suggested, "Emmett, Edward do you want to bring the bags upstairs and Bella and I will put on some coffee?" Both boys nodded and Edward followed Emmett up the stairs, leaving Rose and I alone. She led us into the kitchen; I took a seat atop the island while she turned the coffee pot on.

"Okay, now why are you here, what happened?" She asked turning around to face me as she hopped up on the counter across from me. She looked as beautiful as ever, positively glowing,

"Oh boy, where do I begin?" I told her what happened between Edward and I after the last time I had talked with her.

"Why didn't you call?" She asked concernedly,

"I didn't want to bother you."

"Bella, that is not an acceptable accuse."

"Well, when you didn't call to tell Edward the truth I thought you might have forgotten, so I left you alone, so you wouldn't tell him."

"Bella, I never forgot, I just, well, something came up." She said as she began to smile broadly,

"What?" I asked, sensing her excitement,

"Bella, -"

"Hey." Emmett said as the boys entered the kitchen. I looked to Rose who mouthed 'later',

"You guys hungry?" Emmett asked as he came to lean up against the counter next to Rose, looking to Edward and I, Edward having jumped up on the counter next to me.

"Starved." I answered, looking to Edward who nodded in agreement,

"What'd you have in mind?" He asked,

"Oh no, I mean, we just ate some pizza, but it's still here, we had to get two." Emmett said, pointing to two boxes on the counter by the sink.

"Why? Do you really eat that much Em?"

"I think you know, if I wanted to I could, but no, Rose wanted anchovies, mushrooms and pineapple." Emmett said, clearly a little grossed out by his fiancée, but playfully so.

"Well I thought it was delicious." Rose said unashamedly,

"I got pepperoni, and there is still some left." Emmett smiled, Edward and I fixed ourselves some of the pizza, which was still pretty warm, before hopping back up onto the counter.

"So anyone care to tell me why nether of you are angry at Bella, in any way?" Edward asked, finally speaking.

"We knew." Rose answered, diving right in.

"You knew? For how long?" Edward asked, I couldn't tell how angry he was, he seemed very stoic, which was even more worrisome.

"Since the beginning." Rose answered once again,

"How?"

"The day Bella, broke up with you I went over to her place to bitch her out, only I could tell there was something wrong, she was as worse off as you had been, that's when Emmett showed up, and he explained that she had told him she was doing it for your own good," Emmett stood by Rose's side arms folded and staring intently at the floor as she told the story.

"We didn't find out about Lauren until September, but I couldn't be the one to tell you." I wasn't sure if Edward had picked up on it, but there was something Rose was hiding. Even I knew once Rose set her mind to something, she was going to do it, but as Edward didn't notice, I didn't bother to say anything.

"Did anyone else know?" Edward asked, Rose glanced at me, Emmett looked away, both looked guilty,

"Guys, who else knows?" I asked, knowing they had promised me they wouldn't tell.

"In all fairness, you shouldn't blame me, Alice was talking about you one day, and it got to the point where I snapped." Rose said as if I were in wrong for blaming her.

"What did she say?" I asked,

"She went running to Jasper." Rose said flatly,

"Does everyone know?" I asked astounded,

"No just Jasper and Alice. Carlisle and Esme don't, at least not to my knowledge." So they hadn't even done the hard part for me,

"Bella, I don't see the problem, this is a good thing." Emmett said with his wide grin. It was true, I was glad that they knew so I didn't have to face an angry Alice, but I would've liked it to come from me, and I still had to tell Esme and Carlisle. They were the ones I was really worried about.

"I guess so. What happened after they found out?"

"Alice wanted to call, but I told her that I had promised you I wouldn't tell and that she wasn't supposed to know. I didn't want you to be put in that position if you and Edward weren't talking to each other." Rose explained.

"So where is everyone?" Edward asked,

"At Alice's art show thing, remember?"

"When are they coming back?"

"They're driving up tonight, but they're going to be staying in Maine for the evening before finishing the last leg tomorrow morning. They plan on being back before the caterers arrived, but I told them they were pushing it." Emmett said, I looked to Edward who looked as confused as I did,

"Caterers?" He asked,

"Yeah, remember the hospital function we're hosting here. Mom told you about it last month." Emmett reminded.

"Shit! I completely forgot! My suit is on my bed back at school." Edward exclaimed.

"It's not like you don't have suits here." Rose said, Edward looked to me apologetically.

"But I don't have a dress." I interjected softly.

"It's alright, you and I can go into town tomorrow and we'll see what we can find." Rose offered with a yawn as she hopped down off the counter, "I have to go pick up my dress from the tailors anyway, but right now, I'm about to pass out. I'm off to bed."

"Yeah I'm beat too." Edward agreed, taking my empty plate from me and placing it in the sink. We closed down the kitchen and the four of us made our way to the main staircase.

"Bella I put your stuff in the guest room." Emmett answered my unasked question. As much as I wanted to stay with Edward I think we both understood that jumping back into the routine we once had wouldn't be the best idea. Just the prospect of sleeping in the same bed as Edward made my heart race, but also plunged me into a sense of awkwardness that I knew would just make things worse for us. We didn't know how to be together yet, not the way we used to. I nodded and watched as Emmett and Rosalie headed up the stairs in front of us.

"Come on, I'll show you where the room is." Edward said with a smile. I smiled back and followed him up to the third floor. We stopped in front of a room down the hall from his, I heard Emmett and Rose's door shut from the level below,

"Guess it's time for bed." I said looking up at him, he nodded,

"Yeah, you're right, goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight." There was an awkward pause between us before his face softened and he took a step towards me, placing a gentle hand on the side of my neck, just high enough for his thumb to brush my jaw. He leaned in slowly and pressed a small but lingering kiss on my lips. When he pulled away his eyes met mine, both of us stood there for a moment until I felt him begin to pull his hand away. Without thinking, my own reached up and covered his, keeping it from moving. His eyes searched mine and once again without properly thinking it through, my head nodded ever so slightly. His lips reattached themselves to mine only this time it was much deeper. As we kissed, I felt his free hand reach behind me and open the door to the guest room before he guided me inside and closed it behind him.

**Okay so I would like to know which do you prefer? Shorter chapters and faster updates, or longer chapters and longer update times? **


	17. Truth Hurts

**Hey Everyone,**

**This one goes to , music-is-life2009, vanadium, JacobBlackismysecretlover, Readergirl555, MatthewReilly4Eva, twichris, twilight rules xx- all of whom sent me PMs that I never replied to, and for that I'm sooooooooo sorry! I hope you guys enjoy your chapter! **

**xoxo, devinerose**

**I own nothing but my storyline… and now on with the show(oh ps limes)…..**

Before I knew it I was in his arms with my legs wrapped around his back and he was carrying me over to the bed. He sat down on the edge, and I shifted so I had a knee on either side of him, with his hands still firmly settled on my waist. One of his hands trailed slowly up my back, he brushed my hair away from my neck, giving him full access. His lips left mine and began to attack my neck giving me a chance to speak,

"You have no idea," I breathed, "how good it feels, oh," I was distracted by his other hand which was now making its way up my thigh, his thumb trailing on the inside, inching closer and closer to the opening of my pants. His thumb brushed gently over my jean clad center, up to the button and I was forced to bite back a moan. His hand made quick work of the tiny piece of brass, and I could feel every pop as he slid the zipper down slowly. He didn't waste a second rolling me onto my back, the pressure and surprise made it impossible for me not to call out his name. I could feel his lips grin against my skin, a feeling I was getting used to. His hands slowly began to pull up the hem of my shirt and his lips returned to mine, separating only to pull the fabric over my head. He tossed it aside somewhere in the darkness before allowing me to do the same and then settle back on top of me. He began to kiss his way to my neck, and his hand which had been perched on my hip reached up and opened my jeans, pushing them down just far enough for his fingers to brush up against my center through my underwear.

"Ahhh," I gasped, his lips began to kiss their way down my stomach, at the same time his hands began peeling back my jeans. His lips made it all the way down the the top of my underwear. I whimpered as he was forced to pull away and stand in order to remove my jeans. Once he did I climbed up onto my knees in front of him, allowing my fingers to run across his bare chest. I stepped off the bed so I was standing in front of him, making it easier to place gentle kisses across his skin. I let my tongue flick out and gently graze the skin,

"Bella," he groaned and I couldn't help but smile as I undid the button on his jeans, but before I could push them down, he spun me around, so my back was pressed up against him. His lips found the sensitive spot behind my ear and began sucking slowly, the hand that was on my side began moving downward across my stomach, my knees were beginning to buckle as the feelings of pleasure began pulsating inside me.

"Ed-…." My word ceased form as his fingers dipped beneath my underwear. I could barely breath as they began to dance inside me. He knew just what to do as he nimbly guided his fingers to just the right points to make me weak. He pushed in and out and just as I was about to reach my climax he pulled his fingers from me,

"Oh, please, don't," I moaned, not wanting him to stop, he turned me around once more and gently pushed me back down onto the bed. I opened my mouth to beg him to continue, but I didn't have to as he removed my underwear, shoving them into the back pocket of his jeans.

"Lay down." He said huskily, I did as he said. I felt as he pushed my thighs apart, massaging them with his strong hands. My eyelids drifted close at the sheer bliss of the feeling, even though my body ached, needing release before it burst. As if it wasn't bad enough, I could feel his lips on the inside of my thigh. He opened his mouth and bit the skin, my hands grasped desperately at the sheets as he slowly continued to nip at the skin making his way closer to my center.

"Ahh, Edward, please." I begged as I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head. Then, without warning, he thrust his tongue inside me. My back arched up uncontrollably and I swear I could see stars,

"Oh my, oh, God, Edward!" I exclaimed as his tongue swirled against my sensitive inner workings. My hold on the sheets got even tighter, ignoring the pain it caused in my injured arm, as I grasped for something to keep me grounded as my body wound tighter until with a final flick of his tongue it burst. I let out a cry of ecstasy as I came. I slowly opened my eyes to see Edward getting up. He settled his hips in-between mine and without anything coving me, I could feel him, and my body began to tighten again as I remembered our last time together. I undid his pants and he kicked them off. I was about to move onto his boxers, when he cursed.

"What?" I asked, worried I had done something wrong,

"Nothing, it's nothing. It's just, I wasn't expecting this, so the condoms are in my room. I'm sorry." He apologized, I couldn't help but laugh,

"Edward, you don't have to apologize, I'm actually kind of glad, come to think of it, it's good to know you weren't expecting this." At that he smiled too,

"I'll be right back," He promised kissing my lips one last time before leaving the room. I couldn't help but smile in delight as I thought oh my current situation, in fact a giggle escaped my lips as I contemplated just how happy I was to have Edward back in my life. A cold near winters breeze suddenly hit me and I realized the door to the balcony was ajar. I got up and closed it. Feeling cold, I quickly jumped under the warmth of the covers as I waited. After about five minutes he came back holding up the small square package with a grin and walked back over to the bed. My heart skipped a beat, and for one brief second my mind flashed quickly to what had come out of our last excursion without a condom. My smile faltered, but in the dark he couldn't tell, and without pause he climbed back on top of me, looking down with a smile that I could tell he had only given me, and I smiled back.

"I'm so glad I finally got to tell you." I said softly, brushing his hair out of the way of his face, as I did, I saw his eyebrows furrow and he looked away from me,

"Edward?" I asked puzzled, he still didn't look at me, "Edward, what's wrong?" I took his chin in my hand and made him face me.

"Talk to me." I coerced gently, but his face was cold, and even in the dark I could see the anger beginning to bubble in his eyes,

"Everyone else knew." He said his voice laced with hurt, and I realized why he was upset,

"Edward, you know why I couldn't tell you."

"But you could tell, Rose and Emmett? Even Alice and Jasper know."

"They didn't find out until after I was gone." He shook his head and got up.

"Rose and Emmett didn't, you told them."

"You said you understood." I accused sitting up, holding the covers to my chest.

"I did!" He shouted, "until I found out I was the last one to know! Bella, I trusted you with every part of me, I could've told you anything, and after all of that, you would've rather walked out and trusted everyone in _my_ family, then trust me." He was so angry and hurt as he pulled his pants back on.

"Edward, you have to understand-" I begged but he cut me off,

"I'm sorry Bella, I can't do this right now." Then he walked out, slamming the door behind him. I blinked, trying to comprehend why we could never get it right. Part of me wanted to rush after him, but the logical part of me got up and tried to get ready for bed. I pulled on my underwear and looked around for my bag to get a t-shirt to sleep in. I walked over to the corner where Emmett had left it and I nearly tripped on a piece of clothing in the dark. From the feel it was Edward's shirt, I picked it up and pulled it over my head. It was still warm and if I couldn't have Edward just yet, this would have to do.

I woke up the next morning when someone pouncing on me,

"You're back! You're back!" It shrieked as it continued to bounce on me,

"Alice?" I asked groggily before being yanked up into a hug. She swayed me side to side in excitement, but eventually she calmed down and let me go, taking a seat in front of me on the bed.

"Hi." She said simply with a soft smile. She hadn't changed a bit, her dark eyes still sparkled and her hair was still sticking out in different directions, but seemed artfully crafted as it fit her beautiful pixie-esque face and frame perfectly.

"Hi." We both paused as silence filled the air. Not in the awkward sense, but I think we could both feel the tension of words unspoken.

"How've you been?" She ask her expression saddened. I subconsciously pulled my knees to my chest,

"It was okay." _Until last night_, of course I didn't add that bit.

"Yeah right, Bella." She said with a smile. She reached out and placed a hand gently on my arm, I looked up at her,

"Okay, so it hurt, a lot." I admitted, she nodded understandingly,

"I can tell. Oh Bella, why?" Her question puzzled me,

"Huh?"

"Your arm." She said, I looked down to my bandaged arm, which I had nearly forgotten about.

"You should've called someone, believe me I know that hurting yourself is never-" I laughed, cutting her off,

"No, no Alice, I didn't- no this wasn't me," I unwrapped the bandage so she could see the gash wasn't self inflicted,

"It was Jake." Her eyes nearly popped out of her skull as she looked between me and my wound.

"You mean to say, another _person_ did this to you?"

"Not on purpose, it was an accident." I tried to explain as I wrapped my arm back up.

"Accident? Bella how could anything like this be an accident?"

"We were arguing and I touched his shoulder when he turned away from me. When he tried to shrug me off, he did it with a little too much force. I fell and scratched my arm." As the words came out of my mouth I realized just how stupid they sounded, as did Alice, judging by her expression.

"Arguing, about what?"

"Edward." I admitted honestly, her brow furrowed,

"Jake is- well was my boyfriend, he wanted to have sex, I didn't, he blamed Edward and-"

"Wait a minute," She interrupted, "Let me get this straight, your _boyfriend_ was trying to force you into sex, and when you said no, for whatever reason, he pushed you to the ground so hard you gashed open your arm?" She asked, though she made it pretty clear that she needed no clarification.

"Bella, what happened?" She asked sadly, I let out a sigh and told her what I had been telling everyone these days only including what had happened the night before, not in detail, but enough for her to get the gist. By the time I was finished as expected I was in tears, but so was Alice.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to put you into that position with your brother, who is now mad at me anyways since everyone else knew while he didn't and now I just don't know what to do." Without fail Alice pulled me into her arms holding me as I cried. It was just like old times, if I hadn't been so sad and worried, I would've been ecstatic. After a few moments I pulled myself together and sat up.

"Oh Bella," She reached forward and brushed hair out of my face as well as my remaining tears.

"He'll come around, you just have to give him a little time to take it all in. Remember, he just spent the past year and a half in excruciating pain, as you well know, thinking the one real relationship he ever believed in was a lie and now he finds out that in reality someone stole it from him and that the person he loved and trusted more than anything, trusted everyone else but him. Including his family, who watched him suffer and never said anything, it's not just you, he barely said more than three words to me." She explained kindly.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, she shook her head.

"Alice, what if I lose him again?"

"You won't, see Bella, you never really lost him, and if you didn't lose him then, you certainly won't now. He just needs a little time and space to cool off and come to his senses." She smiled,

"Now come on, it's just you and me, well, and Carlisle and Esme, but they made breakfast and I'm famished." I groaned and fell back into bed, pulling the covers over my face with me. I had forgotten about Carlisle and Esme. What would they think when they saw me, or worse, say?

"Bella, come on." She said trying to rip the covers away from me.

"No Alice, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can!" She urged, continuing to pull at the covers.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!" At that point I heard the scrambling of feet hurrying away from the bed. I peaked out from under the covers to find myself alone in my room. This of course made me even more nervous. I immediately threw on the jeans I had worn the night before which were in a pile next to the dresser just in case Alice came up with other people. I had begun to straighten up the bed when I heard a soft knock on the door, I opened it to see Esme standing in the doorway, her jaw slightly dropped at the sight of me, I looked away bashfully,

"Bella, you're Edward's friend." She stated as a matter of fact, not with any bias. I nodded.

"Yes, Ma'am." I said formally, when I looked up at her she had a soft motherly smile,

"Would you like to come downstairs for breakfast?" She offered kindly, it was if I had done nothing wrong.

"Yes please." I answered, she then turned and I followed behind her. She stopped at the top of the stairs, turning back to look at me.

"Bella, as a mother it's my job to see to it my kids don't get hurt, and you hurt my son, worse than any other person I have ever known, and in the worst way possible. When that happened, you might as well have driven a stake through my heart because it killed me to see him like that day after day." I felt like I was going to be sick, Esme wasn't raising her voice, she wasn't mad, once again she was just stating fact, which made me feel terrible at the reality of it.

"That being said, I'm not blind, you also loved my son, no question. You gave him a gift, even if for a brief moment and for that I could never truly be mad at you. Besides, I'm sure you got hurt just as much as he did. And I don't blame you, when you left, I'm sure there was a reason. Oh and by the way, Esme will do just fine, I'd like to think I'm not old enough to be a ma'am yet." She said before continuing her descent down the stairs, I followed behind slowly, trying to take in everything she had said to me, even after everything I had done, hurting her, and her son, she still was not mad at me.

"Esme, wait!" I called after her, rushing down the stairs and into the kitchen to find her, Carlisle and Alice all gathered around the island with plates ready to dig into the beautiful spread of breakfast before them. Upon my entrance everyone looked up, only Carlisle looked surprised,

"Bella?" He asked utterly confused, and possibly furious, clearly he did not share the same sympathy towards me as his wife did.

"There is something I have to tell you, both of you." I said not stopping and going straight into just why I left their son. When I finished both were astounded,

"Is that true?" Carlisle asked, I nodded.

"Carlisle, that is unacceptable." Esme said looking over to him,

"And impossible." He said sadly,

"You don't believe me." I said, worried this might happen, Alice shared my disappointment.

"No, I believe you it's just that what she told you is impossible. Once awarded the spot, there was no way anyone could've taken it from him without just cause." My heart plummeted into my stomach and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Everything I had done, put us through had been for nothing. I grabbed onto the counter as I tried to hold myself up,

"So you're saying-" I couldn't even spit the words out, Carlisle understood and nodded regrettably.

"I'm going to kill her." Alice said maliciously, while Esme came up and pulled me into a comforting hug.

"Carlisle is there anything we can do?" Esme asked,

"Nothing, technically, no laws or hospital rules have been broken. The best I can do is have a few words with Dr. Mallory tonight at the party, but other than that I'm afraid there is nothing I can do." Carlisle said apologetically, I nodded,

"I understand but Carlisle, you don't have to-"

"Wait, tonight?" Alice asked,

"Yes at the party." Carlisle explained,

"You mean the one Lauren will be attending as well?" Alice asked, stating the obvious yet overlooked, Carlisle and Esme looked at each other. They didn't need to say anything for me to realize that they couldn't just uninvited her for my sake,

"Alice, it'll be fine." I said with a shrug.

"Bella, we had no idea." Esme said sadly,

"It's okay, I wouldn't dream of interrupting your plans, or have you change them for me." I said honestly,

"Are you sure, Bella? Maybe you and I can skip the party and go to a movie or something." Alice offered, but I could tell she wanted to go,

"No, Alice, we'll go to the party, I'm not going to let Lauren rule my life, she's done that enough already. I'll just try and avoid her as best I can."

"Well then," Alice said with a grin, one I could remember being very afraid of in the past.

"We'd better get Rose and get you a kick ass dress." Alice said hopping down from her chair and dragging me with her. We were almost at the stairs when Esme called after us with a laugh.

"Hold it girls," We reentered the kitchen, "The stores aren't going anywhere, breakfast first." Alice let out a sigh, nevertheless, the four of us fixed our plates and took a seat around the dining room table for a perfect home cooked breakfast.

**Any good? I figure after all this waiting a nice lime would be fun! I am in the process of typing up the next ch so I'm hoping it'll be up soon! So….review?**


	18. I'm Sorry

**PLEASE READ!**

Hi everyone,

soooo I've been getting a lot of emails and pms and reviews asking where I am. For those of you who are still reading (which can't be many as I'm such a crappy person for not updating (which I am really really sorry for)) I just wanted to explain why I haven't updated, especially after I promised I would;

About a week after I posted, things sorta went downhill for me and I tried to kill myself. As you can see I'm still here, but things have been really hard for me, so I wasn't able to update. I am soooooooo unbelievably sorry it wasn't fair for you guys of me not to put up a new ch! and now I'm trying to handle that on top of starting school which has also been very difficult, so I haven't had any time to write.

Once again I am soooooooo sorry, I never meant to leave you guys hanging. I'm going to keep trying to update, but please bare with me because I AM trying and I already feel absolutely terrible for leaving you guys waiting this long! I am begging for your forgiveness I never meant to make you guys wait!

xoxo DevineRose


End file.
